Finally the punch line from Dry Off Book 3 for joke 1500

(1500)

Q: Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?

A: If it had four, it would be a sedan.

Long jokes

These jokes are ones where it takes more than ten seconds to read.They are a departure from the normal dry jokes. Some are lengthyand the punch lines may be funny and maybe not. They all tell abasic story and hopefully they have a "happy ending."

(1501)

There were three guys, Shut Up, Be quiet and Trouble.

They were going for a car ride and they got in an accident.

The police came up and asked the first one he saw, "What'syour name?"

"Shut up."

The police man went up to the other guy and asked,"What's your name?"

"Be quiet."

The policeman asked him again, "What's your name?"

"Be Quiet."

The policeman was getting very annoyed, and yelled"WHAT'S YOUR NAME?"

"Be Quiet?"

The policeman then said, "Are you looking for trouble?"

They both replied, "Yea have you seen him? He flew outthe back window a few minutes ago."

(1502)

Miss Simons, an English teacher, agreed to be interviewedby Billy for the school magazine.

"How old are you, Miss Simons?" asked Billy.

"I'm not going to tell you that," she replied.

"Oh well," said Miss Simons. "I am the same age as bothof them."

"But Mr. Hill, the technical teacher, and the other Mr.Hill, the geography teacher told me how old they were,"said Billy.

"Oh well," said Miss Simons. "I am the same age as bothof them."

The poor teacher was not happy when she saw what Billyhad published in the magazine.

"Miss Simons, our English teacher, confided in me that shewas as old as the Hills."

(1503)

A young couple is at the hospital having their first baby.The husband is just not sure what to do to help his wife.One minute she calls him to hold her hand and the nextshe is yelling at him to leave her alone.

The nurse suggests that he just sit nearby on the couch fornow.

All of a sudden his wife screamed, "Shouldn't, couldn't,don't, won't, can't!!!"

The husband looks to the nurse for help and she calmlystates, "It's ok. She's just having contractions."

(1504)

A man walked into a lawyer's office and asked about thelawyer's rates.

The lawyer told him, "$50 for 3 questions."

"Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man.

"Yes," the lawyer said, `and what was your third question?"

(1505)

A kindergarten student was making faces at anyone thatwould watch.

The teacher walked by and said calmly, "Billy if you keepyour face like that it will stick that way."

Billy looked back and said just as calmly, "I guess youlearned the hard way."

(That student stood in the corner for a while.)

(1506)

A man goes into the vet's office and tells the vet, "I think mydog is dead. He's just laying there and not doing anything."

The vet looks at the dog, checks for a pulse and breathingand says, "Let me try something else just so I can be sure."

So the vet gets a cat, and the cat walks around the dog andsniffs, and then walks away.

"Yes sir the cat thinks your dog is dead also," replied the vet.

"Oh, ok. Thank you. So what's the bill?" said the man.

"$350," said the vet.

"$350, just for you to tell me my dog is dead?" yelledthe man.

"Well, $50 for the visit, and $300 for the CAT scan," saidthe vet.

(1507)

There was a little boy who decided to make coffee forhis mom.

When she was finished drinking it, she asked the boy,"Why are there toy soldiers in my coffee cup."

He replied, "The best part of waking up is soldiers inyour cup."

(1508)

There were three men that stranded on an island. Theyfound a magic lamp. They were allowed one wish each.The first man wished to be back with his family, so hedisappeared and went back to his family.

The second man wished to be back with his friends, so hedisappeared and went back to his friends.

The third man said, "I am lonely, I wish the other guyswere back here."

And they all came back.

(1509)

A snob was walking in an art museum when he stoppedand said to the attendant, "This hideous monstrosity mustbe what's known as modern art."

"No sir," answered the attendant. "That's what's knownas a mirror."

(1510)

There was a boy in heaven that was very curious. He askedGod, "How much is $100,000,000 to you?"

God said, "One penny."

Then the boy asked, "How long is 100 years to you?"

God said, "One second."

Then the boy asked, "Can I have one penny?"

God said, "In a second."

(1511)

I walked into a convenience store and someone hadblown a hole in every one of the cherrios.

It wasn't hard to figure out who had done it. I suspecteda cereal killer.

(1512)

There was a priest who needed someone to ring the churchbell. One day he heard a knock at the door.

When he opened it there was an armless man standingthere, and the man said, "I've come to ring the bell."

The priest said, "How, you do not have any arms?"

The man says, "Well, just let me try."

So the man and priest go up in the tower to ring the bell.

The armless man stares at the bell for second then sticksout his face, slams into the bell, falls over the side of thetower and lands on the ground below.

The priest runs down to the bottom of the tower, wherethe armless man was laying.

Other priests were outside looking at the man, and asked,"Father, did you know this man?"

The priest says, "No, but his face rings a bell."

(1513)

There were three girls that were stranded on an island.They found a magic lamp. They were allowed to make awish.

The first girl wished to be smart to be able to get off theisland. So she swam to the shore.

The second girl wished to be smarter to be able to get offthe island. So she built a raft and floated to shore.

The third girl wished to be even smarter to be able to getoff the island. So she walked across the bridge.

(1514)

There was a little boy who was born with only a head.When he turned 21, doctors gave him a glass of brandy.Then, two arms popped out. They then gave him anotherglass of wine, and out popped one leg and his body. Thenthey gave him a glass of whiskey, and everything went away.

The doctors went to a bar to talk about this strange eventand mentioned it to the bartender.

The bartender said, "He should have stopped when he wasa head."

(1515)

A young girl was given a box of animal crackers and shedumped them on a table. When her mother walked in andasked what she was doing with her animal crackers all overthe table, her small daughter said, "Mommy, the box said,'do not eat if the seal is broken.' I was looking for the seal."

(1516)

A Navy captain is sailing at night. He sees a light deadahead. He picks up the radio and says "Unknown Vessel,change your position 2 degrees west!"

A voice radios back, "Change your position 2 degreeseast!"

The captain is outraged. "I'm a captain!"

"I'm a second class petty officer, sir. Change your position2 degrees east."

"I'm a first-class naval warship," yelled the captain.

Pause.

"I'm a lighthouse, sir. Your call."

(1517)

There was a woman...