Didactic Essays

AuthorHouse

Contents

Essay # 1: Shhhhhhhhhh...........................................1Essay #2: Song : Sentence :: ______ : ______.....................6Essay #3: Talking to Books.......................................9Essay #4: Beyond Reason..........................................11Essay #5: The Benjamin Button Theory.............................14Essay #6: Piece of the Puzzle....................................24Essay #7: Gravity................................................32Essay #8: Hysterical Electrons...................................49Essay #9: Quanta Dynamics........................................56Essay #10: The Sparkle of Darkness...............................59Essay #11: The Tower Perspective.................................61Essay #12: Do NOT Tilt!..........................................63New Age Adages and Addendums.....................................65Glossary.........................................................81References.......................................................85

Chapter One

"Aaaaaaamen good Lordie. Aaaaaaaamen have mercy." Oh, hi there. You caught me in the middle of one of those singing thoughts. How embarrassing. If you could see me right now, I'm turning bright red. I know this is only my third scientific book, but I should have known better than to start a book without a coherent thought, thesis, or non-thesis.

Whammy, the beginning of my book! I know you're impressed because I'm COMPLETELY shocked. Mostly because I have no clue as to where I'm going with all these words: Words to fill up pages, pages to fill up books, and books to fill up my shelves. WAIT. I don't have any shelves and I think that was my first micro-thesis: This is not TV because there is an abundance of words. Miniature brain fart on the micro-thesis? And now, a new paragraph.

I'm so excited. I'm on the third paragraph of my book and things are going quite dashingly, perhaps a little wordy, but mildly entertaining none-the-less. So where do I want to go with this paragraph, chapter, and book? Think Winnie the Pooh ... Think! Oh yes, science. I want to write a book about science, but I have all these tangential thoughts arcing out in every direction. WAIT. I'll call these words a collection of essays, thus hiding my absent mindedness. But, I also want it to sound intelligent to the archaeologists that might find this book. Ah ha, big words! Big words sound intelligent ... and confuse people. Ummmm, maybe that isn't such a good idea. Oh hell, I only write my third scientific book once. Anyway, isn't that what a glossary is for? On second thought, scratch that idea. It would be too much work to put in a meaningful glossary.

I will call this book: Didactic Essays from a piece of dark matter somewhere in the Milky Way. Wait, that is in the past because I already titled this book as such. Déjà vu. Pardon my French. It is almost as if one has to write a book to come up with the title. Thankfully, all that is in the past ... I think. Let's look towards the future and the words that I'll have to think up, jumble together, and punctuate improperly. Words that I'll have to define, redefine, and make rhyme. NOT.

Okay. Paragraph four. I know I'm about to say something intelligent, something profound. I mean, I did use the word didactic, which means scholarly. And, I alluded to science and dark matter ... Ooooooo Mysterious! Something intelligent is on the tip of my tongue. Tip of my tongue? What a silly adage. Boo-yah, big word number two! I'm on a role now. Hold on a second. If you're thinking that adage means proverb, then I probably sound like a bone-head. But let me assure you that I looked up the word saying in the Oxford Dictionary and adage was a synonym. And you know what else? I'm not going to reference it because definitions change, all dictionaries are NOT the same, and the people who pick the words for the Graduate Record Examination (GRE) need some tranquilizers. More specifically, the GRE people need some anal-suppository tranquilizers. And with that, I bring paragraph number four to a gentle, butt roaring close. (FYI, that was a malapropism.)

You know how I said, "Tip of my tongue?" Well, what I meant to say is this: "Tip of my neural synapse." As to which neural synapsis, I can't remember. But wait, how am I supposed to remember which neurotransmitter I used if I'm supposed to come up with something new/unique/original? Where do those neurotransmitters come from and what-the- hell is a synapse? Ha, I tricked you! Yeah me! I mean, sorry. You probably thought there wasn't any intelligence left in me, which is probably true. In any event, your mother and I have noticed that you've been using your brain and we think it is time we had The Talk. LOL, I'm sorry. If you're reading for continuity, then the statement "your mother and I" made very little sense. I just thought it sounded funny.

The Talk: There is this gray-mushy thing between your ears that squishes out stuff (neurotransmitters) into certain places (synapses) where other things (nerve cells) suck them up faster than you can blink an eye. Not only does your brain squish and squirt, but what you EAT plays a big part in how your brain squishes and squirts. Here is an adage for all of that: You are what you eat. WAIT. That doesn't really fit the paragraph. How about this: What you EAT affects how you think? I know that it's NOT as catchy, but intelligence doesn't seem to be contagious (GRE word #4).

"On the road again, I can't wait to be on the road again!" Lyrics by a really famous dude, but I can't remember which synapse I stored his name.

I'm so happy to be back in the saddle slinging words to the right, down 1.5 spaces, and then to the left. It's like a dream come true, except I'm completely cowed by zealots (GRE words 5 & 6). So be weary my friends. The first rule of Word Club is: Visualize Peas. The second rule of Word Club is: Visualize Peas. The third rule of Word Club is: Don't let the cows out! Apparently it takes a long time for the cows to come home because someone made an adage for it: When the cows come home. Ok, mental song break.

"Who let the cows out ... Moo, moo, moo! Who let the cows out?" Wait, am I the only one who sings this song?

All right. Before I started this paragraph, I chafed my hands together, blew on my fingertips, and said a little prayer. I can feel those neurotransmitters a squishing and a squirting. I'm on the brink of an idea, but I don't know where to start. I mean, I want to write a book about science with a ton of big words, but I don't want it to be arduous (GRE word #9). I guess I'll just start with some big words and go from there.

But wait! Don't flip to the next essay just yet. I have more words for you to read, absorb, and then say to yourself: "Ok, this word thing is getting annoying."

I completely agree. It's fucking invidious! (GRE word #10 is invidious, not fucking.) I'm sorry for NOT using a euphemism (GRE word #11), but I really want you to stop reading (NOT YET!), flip to the glossary (Just kidding, that won't help you.) and READ the definition of invidious. Ok go, I'll wait. (Insert Jeopardy music here.) Are you back yet? Hello? I said I was only kidding. There's NO meaningful glossary! Oh, there you are. So what do you think? Am I right-on or what? The words we use to communicate (Not a GRE word.) can cause us to build walls...