My First Step Right after My Separation

Twenty hours after my husband at the time separated himself from our marriage and moved into a hotel room with his Jezebel mistress, I knew from the bottom of my heart that the only thing that would bring me through was prayer. The first thing I did was go before the Lord in tears, without food, weeping, grieving, and broken in spirit.

I told my team that I needed some space all by myself. They were concerned because I was very sick, but they respected my request. I turned off my phone. I didn't say anything to family members or friends because I wanted to hear from God. I wanted to know how I was supposed to deal with this embarrassment after being with my husband for 20 years in marriage and ministry. How was I supposed to deal with him living in a hotel room with a mistress after leaving me - his sick wife - to fight for my life alone? In bitterness of soul, I prayed unto the Lord and wept sore. I did the same thing and I vowed a vow like Hannah vowed to the Lord to give her a son (1 Samuel 1:11). I vowed to the Lord that I would spend the first ten days of separation from my husband on my face before Him. With tears in my eyes, I said, "Lord, if you heal me and allow me to survive my husband and his mistress, I will tell the whole world about what you have done for me." I said, "Lord, I will dedicate my life to serving you on a deeper level and setting captives free with my story." With my phone turned off and my house locked down, I lost myself in Jesus. I said, "Lord I am a woman with a sorrowful spirit and my heart is broken."

I really poured my soul out before the Lord. I just remained in His presence, meditating on His goodness toward me over the years and how far He had brought me. The enemy tried to kill me many times, but the Lord saved me every time. I recognized the hand of God on my life. I realized that what was happening to me was preparation for greater ministry. Although sometimes I thought, "Lord, what did I do wrong in the marriage to bring on this attack?" It felt like my life was literally ending. I was dying from the intensity of the emotional pain that I was feeling, but I had to fight back really hard. I had to talk to myself and push myself through the pain with God's help.

I was empowered in His presence and my tears began to dry up a little bit, but the pain remained. I continued to go back and forth to the hospital, but I stayed on the road doing ministry work. Even in all my pain, I helped others. Every woman the Holy Spirit lead me to confided in me that their husbands had abandoned them also. It was amazing.

I just couldn't believe the dysfunction and madness that was going on in churches with pastors and their mistresses. So many pastors' wives and other women with husbands in the secular world were going through the same thing! When I shared my story with them, they would tell me, "You're not alone and you're going to get through it." With their support, I became a little hopeful in the process.

Pain is necessary to tap into your inner resources - the wealth that God has placed in you for a greater, better, wiser, and stronger you. You must be determined to become a better you as you move forward toward healing and wholeness.

Nugget: I give up freely what is no longer serving me. I release it to create space and I align myself with the universe for a life of purpose and success.

Never underestimate yourself in any given situation. The storms of life come to test our inner strength and ability. I realized that separating myself from the madness going on in my marriage was necessary for me to see the demons I was neglecting. These spirits were hindering and affecting the foundation of my marriage the whole time.

My husband and I traveled extensively because we both loved ministry and serving others, but because of that, we didn't notice ourselves falling apart. I had absolutely no idea. In the process of my separation, I discovered that people are more spiritual than physical and we cannot neglect either department; otherwise, we will fall apart. Our physical and spiritual life must be equally well maintained. As ministers, we must also take time off to care for ourselves. We must live a well-balanced life. Each individual in a marriage must take care of their personal demons so that they don't affect the other partner. You must understand that your demons will surely damage the emotional life of your husband or wife. You must also keep in mind that women are more emotional than men. We tend to hurt more and become more attached to the other person's demons, making it a struggle to break free in the end.

Nugget: Emotional maturity is very important when entering any kind of relationship. We must be willing to sort out our emotional issues!

The Jezebel spirit feeds off of the dysfunction in our lives. It is very important that everyone works on their personal demons before entering marriage. I also discovered that having a title or degree is great, but that is not what makes a marriage or your partner happy. Happiness begins with each individual sorting out his or her issues and then working on their character flaws. If you don't do that, you will be destructive to the other person and cause problems in your family's life.

My husband Hosea's behavior became destructive and unhealthy, so God allowed the separation. I could not hide behind the ministry anymore. I had to face myself and all the demons that were affecting our marriage and our lives. We wear so many masks and pretty up things to make others believe that we have it together, when in reality we are just fake Christians. I decided to live an authentic life and to share my life and experiences with others.

Nugget: Healthy relationships are built on openness, honesty, and transparency. You must be true to yourself; that is the key for healing!

God is looking for real people, not fake people. Taking full responsibility and being open with God's people is one of the most difficult things for pastors and ministers to do. We will get better results if we live open,...