Are you where you want to be? Do you know how to get there? The human brain is the most complex and wondrous thing you will ever own, and you do own it. When it comes to understanding our consciousness, however, we often feel lost. We simply haven't read the owner's manual. If you're not finding the answers, rewrite the questions. BE by Design can show you how to get the most out of life by handing over the controls and making you accountable for your own existence. Using a four-phase process that draws on a blend of modern psychology and eastern wisdom, this journey to self is full of easy-to-use, practical tools and stimulating strategies to help you unlock your full potential in everything you intend, think, feel, say, and do. Make every day amazing; be the best you can be. Love, family, health, life purpose-these are the things to define us, not confine us. By pausing, stepping back, and examining your relationship with yourself and those around you, you can break free of habits and beliefs that are holding you back. Like a GPS for your soul, this book can help you get from "A to Be"-navigating a path to your chosen destination. Devoting time and energy in your well-being is always a rich investment, and the rewards are unlimited. Happiness, empowerment, focus and confidence-they all await when you take charge of your life and design how you want to BE.

BE by DESIGN

How I BE Is Up to MeBy Christine McKee

Balboa Press

Copyright © 2012 Christine McKee
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4525-0515-2

Contents

A Note from the Author.........................................................................................xiPreface........................................................................................................xiiiIntroduction...................................................................................................xvWhat to Expect When You Embrace These Concepts.................................................................xviiPhase I: Awareness.............................................................................................1Chapter 1: Why We All Perceive the World Very Differently: A Mini-Tour of the Brain............................3Chapter 2: Your Manual of Life.................................................................................17Chapter 3: Unhealthy and Healthy Response Options When Feeling Negative Emotion and Stress.....................27Chapter 4: Accountability Versus Non-accountability: You Are the Creator of Your World.........................40Phase II: Focus................................................................................................55Chapter 5: Intention Model.....................................................................................57Chapter 6: Personal Power: Control Versus Influence............................................................68Chapter 7: Mood Control........................................................................................76Chapter 8: Choosing the Now: Each Day Is a Series of Once-in-a-Lifetime Events.................................86Phase III: Maximising Potential................................................................................93Chapter 9: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Relationships Are Your Mirror......................................95Chapter 10: Building High-Quality Relationships by Choosing to Communicate in the Moment.......................103Phase IV: Choices..............................................................................................119Chapter 11: Your Mental Diet: Choosing High-Vibrational Words..................................................121Chapter 12: Power of Gratitude and Finding Beauty Daily........................................................129Afterword......................................................................................................137Conclusion.....................................................................................................139About the Author...............................................................................................141Bibliography...................................................................................................143

Chapter One

Why We All Perceive the World Very Differently: A Mini-Tour of the Brain

The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind. ~ William James

To begin this section, I'd like you to consider this scenario:

A policeman was walking down a steamy suburban Brisbane street when he heard a woman cry out, "Don't shoot me, John, don't shoot me!" The policeman ran into the house, where a distressed woman was cowering in the corner on the floor. Inside the house with her was a doctor, a priest, and a lawyer. The policeman immediately arrested the priest. Why?

Make a note of your answer to the question, and then turn to the end of this chapter to find the solution before you continue reading.

How many of you weren't sure of an answer because you assumed the doctor and the lawyer were also males? This is the most common response, by the way, based on past experiences and social conditioning that tell us most doctors and lawyers are males. Therefore, our brains stop searching for alternative views, because the current view matches our reality. The way you perceive, interpret, and give meaning to a situation, event, experience, relationship, or interaction is unique to you—it is your map. It is your version of how things are, how the territory you call life is. What you will discover in this chapter is that your map of the territory of life will always be unique and never the same as anybody else's. Let's explore what this actually means by taking a mini-tour of the brain.

Why, you may ask? Three key reasons:

1) You will get to know more of why you do what you do and why that it is not the same as what everyone else does. This can be evidence that you are quite normal.

2) You will understand where your habits, attitudes, beliefs, and perceptions of all things originated from. Once you know this, you can make conscious choices moving forward about which of these still serve you right here, right now, and which aspects you may wish to leave in the past. Additionally, this awareness creates the space to appreciate more of who you are without judgment, which opens the door to being able to see others for who they are, without judgment.

3) By getting a little more knowledge of how your brain works, you will understand that you are the creator of your world, and with that comes a lot of personal power. You can exercise this power every time you notice you've kicked into autopilot, enabling you to stop and refocus your mind to be fresh and creative in each and every moment.

We'll begin by briefly exploring three key functions of the brain: the conscious mind, the unconscious mind, and the RAS (reticular activating system).

The Conscious Mind

Inthesimplestofterms,theconsciousmindisthe"stuff"orinformationthat you are aware of in this very moment. That is present-moment awareness. Your brain only has the ability to process a very small amount of information in any moment, only about seven (plus or minus two) chunks of information. "Chunks" are logical groups of information that your brain is familiar with, and this enables you to make sense of the present moment. So let's use the example of you reading this page right now. You may be aware of the individual words that make up each of the sentences. Each word is a chunk of information—a chunk of letters strung together to create a word that you are familiar with. Because you are familiar with it, you can interpret the meaning of each word and therefore the sentence.

Now, as you keep reading, the previous sentences will be out of your conscious mind, and only the current words and sentences you are reading will remain conscious, in this very moment.

The Unconscious Mind

All of the "stuff" or information that is stored away for you to access when you need it (such as memories, habits, knowledge, and skills related to how to do things) lives in the unconscious mind. In their book Frogs into Princes: Neuro Linguistic Programming, Richard Bandler and John Grinder state that "conscious" is whatever you are aware of at a moment in time; "unconscious" is everything else.

So right now, put this book down and recite out loud to yourself the ten-times tables. Ready, go! I am imagining you all saying "Ten times one is ten, ten times two is twenty, ten times three is thirty," and so forth. Tell me, where was that information before I asked you to recite it just now? It was in your unconscious mind. By reciting it, you have just moved it into your conscious mind. You do this thousands of times a day, whenever you complete tasks that you have done many times in life.

The unconscious mind has...