Dreaming of Cupcakes follows a woman’s yearlong journey to heal a lifelong addiction to food, utilizing the shamanic medicine traditions she was trained in, her inner resources, and her community of support.

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Dreaming of Cupcakes

A Food Addict's Shamanic Journey Into Healing

By Jennifer Engr�cio

Balboa Press

Introduction, 1, 
What is Shamanism?, 5, 
A Sweatlodge Experience, 8, 
Ancestors, 12, 
Avo Vitalino's Story, 15, 
Chapter 1: The West, 19, 
Chapter 2: The North West, 63, 
Chapter 3: The North East, 103, 
Chapter 4: The South, 135, 
Chapter 5: The South West, 169, 
Chapter 6: The South East, 191, 
Chapter 7: The East, 217, 
Chapter 8: The North, 247, 
Chapter 9: The Centre, 281, 
Epilogue, 303, 
Acknowledgments, 307, 
Glossary of Terms, 309, 
Works Cited, 313, 
Recommended Resources, 317, 
About the Author, 319,

CHAPTER 1

The West

West Introduction: Satisfying the Body

"Our bodies link directly to Father Sky. This is just one of the profound lessons emerging from today's cosmology. Science has now demonstrated that our bodies are formed of the 'stuff of stars' ... 60 percent of the atoms of our bodies are hydrogen and helium atoms, which were birthed in the original fireball 13.7 billion years ago. The other 40 percent of our bodies' atoms were birthed in supernova explosions about 5 billion years ago. We are made of ancient stuff ... Consider: we couldn't run, jump, walk, swim, skate, embrace, kiss, wrestle, make love, eat, sing, dance, paint, sleep, write, or think without our body. All we do we do with our body. And that includes pray and communicate with the divine: body and Soul, body and consciousness, go hand in glove. Our bodies also contain the DNA of our ancestors, all of them, so each one is a meeting place for the entire human race."

- Matthew Fox from "The Hidden Spirituality of Men"

Does it change something inside of you when you hear that every cell of your body is made of stars? I hope so. I know how life changing that was for me when I first learned this scientific fact. And it really brought home that I was destroying the only physical container my spirit had available to it in this lifetime. If I am made of light, why am I insisting on behaving as if there were only darkness?

There is a long history in the Western world of denying the pleasures of the body as if they were evil, lustful, and wrong. This is a belief worth scrapping from our minds. Why? Because our bodies contain the innate wisdom of what they need to survive and thrive. When we ignore its messages, we do so at the peril of our health and wellbeing. Coming back to our bodies and to an awareness of what we are sensing, feeling, and needing at any given moment is what brings us into the present moment. If we are truly present in this moment, unless we are in immediate physical danger, there is no stress. There is no past or future in the picture. It is easier to appreciate life and to become conscious of patterns that need to heal when we are present in our bodies.

An addict's body is often very imbalanced chemically and energetically because of abusive and unsustainable addictive patterns that have often spanned unchecked for many years. All addictive behaviour numbs out our ability to feel our bodies, therefore blocking the messages for rest, sex, exercise, healthy food, pleasure, and water that our bodies naturally give us that help us to maintain our overall wellness and vitality. Our bodies do not lie and tend to get louder in the form of disease and illness if we don't take care of them. Our bodies are sacred vessels that carry our spirits through this lifetime. Healing an addiction means having to recover that knowing inside of us that Matthew Fox speaks of in the above quote. Good self-care and body-awareness are cornerstones of any recovery program. Illness and disease are not inevitable outcomes of living-they are signs of imbalances that begin in the spiritual realm as warning whispers and are exacerbated by the choices we make in our lives. If we can make poor choices, we can also learn to make better ones that are in alignment with our spirit knowing.

In North America, many of us are caught up in the rat race of competition, climbing never-ending corporate ladders, and accumulating as much "stuff" as possible as a way of proving our worthiness and status. The thing that we've forgotten is that worthiness is an inside job-it doesn't come from outer markers of what others think of as "success." This way of living is simply not conducive to what our bodies need to build and maintain health and overall wellbeing. It's a breeding ground for addiction and illness. Workaholics spend so many hours at work that they don't receive the down time needed for their bodies to recover from the amount of stress they are under. This addiction is often coupled with cocaine, sugar, caffeine, and other stimulants that keep a person's energy revved high. With this stunning amount of energy loss, it becomes impossible for the body to maintain homeostasis.

The West of the inner medicine wheel is the place of the body and the physical world. In the West, we get a chance to look at our relationship to our physical world. This includes our bodies, how we use and care for them. This also includes our finances, our ability to meet the many needs of living in a physical body, the condition of our homes, the environment, and the communities we live in. In the following chapters, I discuss how I regained balance in the West of the medicine wheel. This includes a commitment I renewed to living from a place of pleasure and body awareness.

In order to consolidate your understanding of this direction from your personal, experiential and embodied perspective, I recommend doing the following ceremonies from "Shamanic Ceremonies for a Changing World" by Marilyn Keffer and Gael Carter. You can find more information on how to purchase a copy by looking at the Recommended Resources section of the Appendix of this book.

Breath of Life Assignment 0-18 The Conservation of Energy Ritual 1-2

Zoning Out

"Dissociation is natural ... and happens as a result of a stress response. It's a floating, absent feeling. It can last a long time, especially if you were traumatized as an infant, when you didn't have the option to fight or run away. Checking out would have been the only strategy you had in your earliest days ... When people reach the limits of their terror, their survival brain throws the circuit breaker on their mind, and they check out. They no longer feel sensations in their body. If you check out repeatedly, then over time, you will lose the awareness of how your body feels ... The purpose of the freeze response ... [is] not to change the situation but to help you survive the situation."

-Kim Barthel from "Conversations with a Rattlesnake"

I will always remember my first assignment from my teacher. It seemed simple enough: eat all your meals with your eyes closed. I thought this would be easy and had no idea why she was having me do this exercise. Boy was I dead wrong! The following excerpt is taken from an e-mail I wrote to my teacher, Wolf Woman, in May 2010:

Breakfast: I did my first session of eating in my room by myself with my eyes closed. I discovered that it is hard for me to eat more slowly. It is like the flavours of the food are really hard for me to take in. Like too much information in a way. Flooded with sadness for all the times I missed noticing those flavours in my life and allowing them to nourish my body and spirit. Then coffee with...

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