CHAPTER 1

Awareness and Inner Peace

He who knows others is wise.He who knows himself is enlightened.

–Lao Tzu

Monkey Mind

In this day and age, it's difficult to find places of peace.We're surrounded by constant noise. Have you noticed that,even walking along the sidewalk, we're often bombardedby advertising or music deliberately broadcasting onloudspeakers? Commercials now run in what used to be publicspace. People shout into their cell phones, and there's no way toavoid unintentionally overhearing conversations. Our attentionis diverted by multiple sensations. We may sometimes feeloverwhelmed by the hustle and bustle of modern life. However,it is possible, even in this boisterous chaos, to create momentsof awareness and clarity, to create inner peace.

It begins with awareness.

When we are unconscious of our thoughts, feelingsand, thus, our motivations, we are at the mercy of physicalsensations, emotional impulses and unmindful reactivity.We cannot be present, much less still. We bounce from onethought, feeling or reaction to another. "Monkey mind" is whatthe Buddhists call this incessant hyperactivity. In this unrestfulstate of suffering, we misperceive our true selves and ourplace in the world. We misperceive others. It is only when webecome the aware observer of all of our experiences—notthe fluctuating feelings, thoughts or sensations—that we canbe free. This discovery process requires moments of silence.

On the Value of Silence

Even a few minutes of silence per day can encourage a personto pay attention to his or her internal world. Each of us cancarve out this time in such mundane moments as sitting at astoplight or even while standing in line:

1) Turn off the radio and cell phone.

2) Take a deep breath and simply notice.

3) At the office, if possible, close the door and unplug thephone during breaks, just for a few minutes.

4) Stop multi-tasking. Focus on one thing at a time.

5) Go outside at lunchtime, walk or drive to a park oranother peaceful location nearby.

Notice how these simple steps impact the rest of your day.In each moment we have an opportunity to make informedchoices, rather than react out of habit. We can recognize ourhabitual ways of reacting, and then in the pause created byour awareness, we will have clarity about the right actions totake in the right time and in the right place.

On Meditation

Recently, I have noticed that much of my suffering is caused byinappropriate reactions to events, people or things around me.When I am aware of this, I am much more capable of mindfulchoices, rather than knee-jerk reactions. The ability to discernwhat is really happening, how people are really behaving orwhat something actually is allows me an opportunity to choosethe right course of action, if any is required. I've discoveredthat simply noticing events, people and objects is enough.Sometimes I can just let things be as they are, instead of takinginappropriate action.

When I discovered meditation in my late twenties, it wasa blessing. However, it was not easy at first. Even with thesupport of experienced teachers, meditation brought up painfulfeelings and thoughts I had repressed for many years. As achild I was molested and sexually assaulted by acquaintancesof my parents. It was enough to terrify me, and it led to deeplyingrained feelings of shame in my adolescence and earlyadulthood. When I started meditating, I needed additionalsupport to handle the painful reality I had long ago sought tobury. I was fortunate to have a partner, friends and counselorswho helped me sort through the past, confirm that the presentwas worth living and that I could create a better future.

If meditation scares you, there may very well be a reason.If you find that you uncover frightened parts of yourself thathave been dormant for a long time, I recommend you reachout for support from a trusted friend, family member, spouse,minister and/or counselor. Post-traumatic stress disorder canimpact people years after a traumatic event has occurred. Itis incredibly empowering to uncover your past and own it, allof it, even the painful parts of your life.

In Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness andWell-Being, Dr. Martin E.P. Seligman puts forward the groundbreakingidea of post-traumatic growth, writing:

A few years ago, Chris Peterson, Nansook Park, and Iadded a link to my Authentic Happiness website www.authentichappiness.org. The new questionnaire listed fifteenworst things that can happen in a person's life: torture, graveillness, death of a child, rape, imprisonment, and so on. Ina month, 1,700 people reported at least one of these awfulevents, and they took our well-being tests as well. To oursurprise, individuals who'd experienced one awful event hadmore intense strengths (and therefore higher well-being)than individuals who had none. Individuals who had beenthrough two awful events were stronger than individuals whohad one, and individuals who had three—raped, torturedand held captive for example—were stronger than thosewho had two.

Our traumas can actually enhance our strengths and lead usforward to better lives. We can harness awareness, ask forhelp and receive the support needed to make meaning ofdifficult experiences in our lives. It is important to understandthat we did the best we could, considering the situation inthe past, and also that we do not have to remain stuck in thepast or hurt in the present. It is possible to take everything weencounter, even tragic and traumatic events, and to create abrighter and better future, using our strengths, resources andresilience.

Vipassana and Metta Meditation

There are many forms of meditation. Western variations includethe silent reflection found in the Christian faith. The practiceI have personally found to be helpful for awareness is theBuddhist practice called vipassana, or mindfulness meditation.In vipassana I notice myself breathing in and out. I noticehow the breath feels on my lip or in my nostrils. Sometimes Icount, "One. Two. Three. Four ...," the in-breath and out-breathand the pauses that occur before breathing in and breathingout. I become aware of my thoughts, physical sensations,feelings and anything else that is happening around me. Inotice my reactions to external events, sounds and stimuli. Icome back to my breath. I come back to the present moment,and I become aware of the observer Self who has awakened. Ibecome awake to the other parts of myself that are habituallyin control.

Another useful practice I have found is metta, or loving-kindnessmeditation. There are many variations of metta, butat the heart of all of them is the active practice of wishingyourself, those you love, those you like, those you feel neutraltowards, those you dislike and those you may think you hate thesame levels of peace, happiness and freedom from suffering. Iexpand my capacity for love and equanimity by practicing thismeditation. I become aware that we all suffer and that we allwant to be free from suffering. Vipassana allows for an openingof the consciousness, while metta allows for an opening of theheart. Both allow for awareness, clarity and realization of theSelf.

Ironically, when I least have the time or...