Coping with Un-cope-able Parents

Balboa Press

Contents

Foreword...............................................................................................................ixPreface................................................................................................................xvThe Impossible Parents Questionnaire...................................................................................xixWho's This Book For?...................................................................................................1The "Case" for This Information – Now!...........................................................................5Two Keys to Coping.....................................................................................................11LOVING.................................................................................................................15Laughter...............................................................................................................17Openness...............................................................................................................21Vibration..............................................................................................................23Intention..............................................................................................................25Neutrality.............................................................................................................27Grace..................................................................................................................29ACTION.................................................................................................................31Advocate...............................................................................................................33Clarify................................................................................................................35Trust..................................................................................................................39Initiate...............................................................................................................41Observe................................................................................................................45iNnovate...............................................................................................................49Question & Answer Time!................................................................................................53YOU'RE NOT ALONE ANYMORE...............................................................................................57When the Parental Home Becomes Too Much................................................................................59Go Near at Your Own Risk...............................................................................................60In Denial..............................................................................................................62Surviving & Transforming the Abuse.....................................................................................64Time to Surrender the Car Keys.........................................................................................66Fake Dramas............................................................................................................68Accepting it's OK to be looked after...................................................................................69The Ordeals of Christmas Shopping......................................................................................72Patience, Patience.....................................................................................................73Better Planning Was Needed.............................................................................................75Believe In Yourself Even If "The Parentals" Don't......................................................................77The Power to Wait......................................................................................................79My Story: The Petulant, or What Do You Do When the Terrible Two's Continue into the Awful Eighties.....................83The Hidden Opportunity.................................................................................................89My Plea................................................................................................................93The Saga Continues.....................................................................................................97My Parting Encouragements to You.......................................................................................105Further Opportunities..................................................................................................107About the Author.......................................................................................................111

Chapter One

You WILL Be Served By This Work If:

• You laugh out loud – no, make that ROAR – in recognition of your circumstances within the Impossible Parents Questionnaire

• You're wondering: "Am I a secret brother or sister to this woman, because otherwise how could she possibly know our family so well"?

• You're thinking, "Finally! Someone on the Planet who `gets' what it's really like to deal with my folks. Hallelujah!!!"

• You easily recognize that you're compelled to read further because this book contains information you need to receive.

• You draw HOPE from the possibility that there is a way to navigate your parental relationship so the highest and best for all concerned can be attained.

You don't necessarily find connection to this extract from MORE magazine, dated February/March 2011. Author Karen Hamilton argues that even though looking after an aging parent can be heart-breaking, love conquers all. OK ...

Ms. Hamilton remembers standing over a bathroom sink holding her Dad's dentures and seeing her smile reflected back in the bathroom mirror; he'd just thrown up because he had cancer and was dying. She acknowledges she could have felt resentful or disgusted, but in that moment found herself "privileged".

She equally draws out the example of a 52-year-old single mom who waded right into the muck of assisting with her father's bathing to cleaning his colostomy bag – concluding that children who care for elderly parents find it "fulfilling and affirming".

Further, the author goes on to subtly deride images conjured up by the word, caregiver. To quote, "I envision a worn-out woman caring for her elderly, cranky parents; she's doing her best but barely getting by, isolated, angry and tired. One notch up from crazy cat lady, she's somebody nobody wants to be."

Helloooo!!!! Have I just entered some kind of weird alternative reality? Last time I looked, I haven't (yet) turned into some kooky eccentric that people cross to the other side of the street to avoid simply because I practically gag in the face of such self-righteousness. That is, unless someone isn't telling me something!

Count me amongst those 70 per cent of (mostly) women who consider tending to head-strong parents stressful and who are worried the pressure might do us in. In its defense, the article goes on to report that caregivers...