CHAPTER 1
What is the Constructive of Marriage?
Marriage creates the basic social unit of family, communityand society. The meaning of marriage in Biblical literatureascribes to marriage a two-fold purpose, Procreation (Gen. 1:28)and Companionship (Gen. 2:18). To these two purposes theTalmud adds a third, the fulfillment of oneself as a person.
He who has no wife is not a proper man; he lives withoutjoy, blessing, goodness, protection and peace. Jewish traditionregards marriage as the idea of human state. While celibacy wasadvocated by the essences, the mainstream of Jewish thoughtlooks upon it with disfavor since it does not permit the individualto procreate and thereby fulfill one's basic obligation to society.
Although the Talmud refers to the sexual urge as yeter ha-ra(lit., the evil inclination), it is basically not regarded as evil.Because the sex drive is such a powerful force in human life, itmust be contained within the bounds of marriage and controlledby limitations on permissibility even within that framework.When thus moderated, it is a powerful motivating force whichserves good end.
Where it is not for the yeter ha-ra, no man would build ahouse, marry a woman or have children. While polygamy waspermissible during the Biblical period and until the Takama adecree for the betterment of society not based upon traditionalJewish law of Robenu Gershom around the year 1,000 C.E., itwas practiced primarily by the upper classes.
Even in Biblical times the norm was that a man had onlyone wife. This is corroborated by the prophets' use of marriageas a metaphor for the relationship between God and Israel, andby the metaphorical interpretation of the Song of Songs. Whilepolygamy was still possible in Talmudic times, it was almostunknown. Marriage was prohibited among close relatives. TheBiblical laurs of incest were supplemented and expanded in theTalmud and became the basic of incest laws throughout Westerncivilization.n
During the Biblical period, endogamous marriages wereencouraged while exogamous marriages were opposed in orderto protect the community from idolatry and to preserve Jewishidentity.
Although marriage is not a sacrament in the Christiansense of the word and can be dissolved by divorce (Deut. 24:14),it is considered a sacred relationship. The Hebrew word formarriage is Kiddusbin (lit., sanctification). In marriage, thewife is consecrated or set apart to her husband. While the legalobligations of husband and wife and their respective families weretraditionally defined in the Ketubal (marriage document), thecouple also had the moral obligations of love, honor and respectfor each other.
In traditional marriage, ceremony has two parts: Erusin, thebetrothal, and Nissu'in the marriage proper.
In Talmudic times, the two ceremonies could be separatedmarried erusin, cohabitation could not take place until nissu'in.This posed many practical and legal difficulties for the coupleas well as for the Jewish community. Consequently in post-Talmudictimes, the two ceremonies were combined into one.This has been the accepted practice since the Twelfth Centuryexcept in a few oriental communities.
A marriage ceremony may be performed in any location, sincesanctity in Jewish tradition resides not in a place but rather inthe purpose for which a place is used. It may be held on any dayof the week except for the Sabbath or a festival when the signingof a legal document is prohibited in tradition Judaism. Whiletechnically this prohibition does not apply in Reform Judaism,the custom of not holding a wedding on the Sabbath or a festivalis so rooted in tradition that it is almost uniformly adhered to.
The marriage enrichment movement and methodology beganin Spain in January 1962 under the leadership of Father GabrielCalvo, and in the U.S. this program became known as marriageencounter. David and Vera Mace began marriage enrichmentwith Quaker couples in October 1962 and 1973. They hadorganized the association of couples for marriage enrichment(ACME); within a decade several thousand lay and professionalcouples in all fifty states held membership in ACME.
In the US, the movement has been closely associated withreligious faith groups, and some fifteen national programs aredirectly connected to an established religious organization.
Many programs are localized but some of the moreprominent national programs are: Marriage Encounter(ME), Marriage Communication Labs (MCL), RelationshipEnhancement Programs (RE), Couples CommunicationalPrograms (CCP), and Training in Marriage Enrichment(TIME), listening and loving Practical Application of IntimateRelationship Skills (PAIRS) and the Association of Couples forMarriage Enrichment (ACME).
In 1975, the Council of Affiliated Marriage EnrichmentOrganizations (CAMEO) was formed with a major concernto establish standards for leadership training, but a system ofnational certification of leaders and accreditation of trainingcenters is yet to be developed. The states aim is to make goodmarriage better and implicitly, the goal is to foster personalgrowth and mutual fulfillment in enough marriage that thepublic image of marriage as a fulfillment relationship will beenhanced. A growth oriented, potential oriented perspectiveof the individual and a dynamic view of the martial system isemployed to promote an intentional companionship model ofmarriage in the varied programs.
Experimental, relational inductive methods of educationare employed to enhance communicational skill and alterbehavior or individual with the primary objective of enrichingthe marital relationship. But prevention of marital dysfunctionis also perceived to be as important as intervention or correction.Methodologically, the programs focus on the couple relationshipthrough self-disclosure of feelings and thoughts concentrate onthe present tense and the positive strengths of the mates, teachcommunicational skill, accept conflict positively and resolve itcreatively, seek behavioral and attitudinal change advocate acompanionship model of marriage and enable the renegotiatingof commitments and the reforming of contracts.
There is some indication that the movement has contributedsignificantly to the stabilizing of marriage and that the programshave enhanced marital relationship in middle class Americans.Sufficient research data has not been collected to verify either thetypes of individuals served or to identify the specific relationshipchanges that have been produced or the stability of the changesover a period of the time. Also, some questions about themovement have been raised from both clinical and theologicalperspective.
Among the clinical concerns are: the lack of selectivity orscreening of the participant the seeming little appreciation of thepower of resistance and anticipatory grief in the promulgationof instant intimacy, the assumption that enhancement of arelationship follows better communication, the arrested focus onintimacy between equal self-fulfilled individuals, and the lack ofstructured after care and or sufficient attention to the reentry ofparticipants...