Raising a child is challenging for many parents, especially for a new, immigrant family. For those parents, they not only have to face the challenges of integrating themselves into a new environment, but they also need to handle the conflicts coming from two cultural backgrounds. Like many Chinese Americans, the authors inherited the traditional Chinese culture. Yet they also opened their minds and embraced their new culture. Through the collisions of these two cultures, they developed a unique parenting strategy: a combination of the best of both worlds to educate their children. This approach offered them a cutting edge in developing their children to be among the most competitive. As they raised their children, they held parties to build their children s social groups; used teamwork to create a harmonious family, strengthening the family bonds; helped their children excel in academic competitions; taught their children how to be rigorous and strive for perfection; inspired their children to explore innovative strategies to overcome obstacles; developed their children s creativity, leadership, and initiative; encouraged their children to be involved in the community; and gave their children freedom to develop their individual personalities and discover their full potentials. The authors believe that their story will be beneficial to other parents and also provide a new perspective of Chinese American families for mainstream Americans.
THE CHINESE-AMERICAN METHOD
RAISING OUR CHILDREN WITH THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDSBy Linda Hu John X. WangTrafford Publishing
Copyright © 2013 Linda Hu and John X. Wang
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4669-7366-4Contents
Chapter 1 News of Victory...............................................1Chapter 2 The American Dream............................................9Chapter 3 Educational Differences.......................................18Chapter 4 Childhood.....................................................33Chapter 5 Practical and Innovative Ability..............................60Chapter 6 Frustration and Rebuilding Confidence.........................89Chapter 7 Leadership....................................................112Chapter 8 Developing Interests..........................................134Chapter 10 Self-Management..............................................169Chapter 11 Teenage Rebellion............................................191Chapter 12 Social Development and Community Service.....................206Chapter 13 High School: Ready, Set, Go!.................................218Chapter 14 Replicating Success..........................................255Chapter 15 Conclusion...................................................272Appendix Methods for SAT Preparation....................................275
Chapter One
News of Victory
Initial Victory
December 14, 2007. After school, Fanny rushed home without staying in school for an extra moment.
The air was filled with tension when she arrived. The invisible pressure made it impossible for us to breathe. My entire family was extremely anxious as we hovered in front of Fanny's computer. We had been waiting for this moment for the whole day because today, Yale would announce its Early Action decisions. For so many years, we, along with our children, put in so much effort to obtain a good education for them, so you can imagine how much we wanted Fanny to receive good news!
Fanny's eyes were fixated on the computer screen. From her fingers constantly typing on the keyboard, we could sense her nervous energy, but we could not read her restlessness or expectations from her facial expressions. Bill stood off to the side, as usual, chattering about his Pokémon hero, Reshiram.
"Bill, can you be quiet?" Fanny had finally had enough and called him out.
"If this is America, don't I have the freedom of speech?" Bill snapped back. As we were about to interrupt their argument, Kathy joined the fray as she held our family's pet cat, Blacky.
"Bill, shut up!" she ordered firmly.
Facing the alliance of his two sisters, Bill had to surrender, but his mouth still could not stop.
"Yes, I'm sorry, my two queens!" he sullenly retorted, always wanting to get the last word in any conversation.
Yale University is among the world's best colleges. In its long history, many outstanding students have been rejected by its admissions office. We all wondered if the same result awaited Fanny.
At 5:00 PM, it was time for Yale to release its decisions. However, when we checked its Web site, we only saw an error message informing us that the server was down because the traffic at the moment was too heavy. There were countless students and parents just like us, waiting for this moment, and we envied those who had already seen their results. After what seemed like an eternity, we successfully accessed the Yale Web site and logged into Fanny's account.
"Woof, woof!" The picture of Yale's bulldog mascot was barking at us loudly from the top right corner of the Web page. Under the mascot, "Welcome to Yale!" flashed in large letters.
"Fanny has been admitted!" we all cried out. My eyes began to tear up with joy. We cheered loudly, giving each other high fives in celebration.
Yale's admissions letter to Fanny said,
Congratulations on your admission to Yale College, Class of 2012! It gives me great pleasure to send you a letter that honors your accomplishments and marks such an important moment in your life. You have every reason to feel proud of both your work and your aspirations.
On December 23, 2007, our family boarded a flight to the Florida State Resort in Fort Lauderdale. I joked with Fanny before we left, "This holiday season was depending on you. If you were not accepted into Yale, you would never hear the end of it from us."
This made Kathy and Bill roar with laughter. On the side, Fanny turned to John and shyly pleaded, "Daddy, you have to help me!"
With John on her side, Fanny was freed from our teasing. We were all happy to be together and on our way to sunny Fort Lauderdale to have a great vacation as a family.
As the airplane gently flew through the clouds, Kathy and Bill chattered nonstop in the front seat. However, Fanny was surprisingly quiet.
"Look! Apparitions of the Virgin Mary! Doesn't that cloud look just like your face, Fanny?" Kathy pretended to be surprised, pointed to a piece of cloud, and shook Fanny. Fanny, curious, turned to look out the window.
"Who says it looks like me? It looks nothing like me!" Fanny exclaimed.
"It looks just like you!" Bill chimed in with Kathy. I touched John's shoulder, and we smiled at each other. We knew that Fanny was still thinking about the applications she had sent to Harvard University and Princeton University.
We had a great time in Florida with our children as we relaxed with the sun, sand, and waves. The sky was so blue, and the sun was so bright. At the same time, we also looked forward to more and even better news from other colleges!
News of Victory
Fanny applied for eleven universities in the United States: Harvard, Yale, Princeton, MIT, Columbia, University of California-Berkeley, University of Pennsylvania, Johns Hopkins University, Caltech, Cornell, and New York University. These are all elite U.S. colleges with highly competitive admissions processes. Although we were confident that Fanny would have a good chance of gaining admission into some of these universities, we were not going to relax anytime soon.
When applying to U.S. universities, a student's high school performance plays a large role. Universities not only examine the student's ninth to eleventh grade high school performance but also base their decisions on the first half of twelfth grade and the student's midterm grades and test scores. At the end of the student's senior year, the high school sends the student's complete transcript to the university the student is going to attend. If the student's grades fall, the university can withdraw its offer of admission. This expectation was clearly pointed out in the Princeton University acceptance letter:
Let me remind you that your admission to Princeton is contingent upon the successful completion of your senior year. We expect that you will keep up the high academic standards and good conduct you have maintained throughout high school.
Therefore, Fanny needed to maintain her "high academic standards," though nobody doubted that she would.
One afternoon in March 2008, our doorbell rang.
Ding-dong!
We rushed to the door.
"Congratulations!" the postman said with a smile as he handed Fanny a large heavy envelope. Our eyes grew as wide as saucers when we saw that it had been sent by the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. At that moment, we were all thinking the same thing.
Super! Fanny captured another school! Without even opening it, we knew that a big thick envelope from a university meant another acceptance.
From April 6 to...
