For those of you who are bent on destroying yourselves, or even contemplating an attempt, you might want to reconsider your options. Ultimately getting rid of "you" may be more difficult than it seems. And if you do choose to stick around and participate, you will have to roll up your sleeves and live according to you. That may mean following a path which has been laid by others, or choosing to follow yourself. Declining to take that fork in the road, however, may lead you to a place where you never wanted or expected to be. And all the universe will be able to do is watch in wonder as the story of you unfolds. The Book of Steven is a story about participating and not giving up, and about maintaining wonder for the universe in which we live. Follow Steven's experiences as he-and you-learn that our world was not just written for or by someone else. We are, or should be, participants in our lives and not simply content to sit on the sidelines or to wait for someone else to make the world right for us. We should also remember that as human participants, we have the ability to enact any role we choose, and not just the ones other people may think appropriate for us. If you happen to find yourself on a difficult path and truly need to find a new way to examine your life, The Book of Steven will help you find hope where there appears to be none, and offers a unique perspective for examining the universe in which we all choose to participate. Steven's message is that you do not have to simply be content to live in a world of personal despair, when the possibilities presented by the universe of life are truly boundless. Steven's journey is not an easy one to take, however, and for those of you who may not need to explore alternative perspectives for our world, you may wish to devote your attention elsewhere.

Auszug. � Genehmigter Nachdruck. Alle Rechte vorbehalten.

The Book of Steven

By Steven T. Stevenson, Shah R. Azad

iUniverse

CHAPTER 1

The first thing I can remember saying was "Mmmmm ... mmmmm ... mmmmm ... aaaaah ... ohmmm ... haaaa ... waaaa ... heeel ... hell ... hey ... help ... hello ... hey ... haaaaa ... hummmm ... whaaa ... what are I ... why am I ... where ... what the ... where am I ... hey ...

"Hey! Help! Hello! Hello! Hey! Let me ... let me out of here! Oh shit! I can't move! Help! Help! Hello? Aggghhh!

"Oh shit, holy shit, oh my ... oh, holy shit, where am I? Oh Jesus ..."

And a calming voice said, "Steven. Relax. Do not try to move. Do not try to do anything. Find a place of stillness within you, and peace be with you."

I said, "Oh shit, oh lord, where am I?"

The voice said, "In heaven."

So I said, "Holy shit! Are you serious?"

The voice replied, "Yes. Now just try to relax. You will not be able to see for a while. You will not be able to move, either. Just try to relax. Focus on your breathing, and try to find peace."

"Oh, oh my, oh, okay. I, um, I uh, how, um —"

"How did you get here?"

"Yes."

"You died on earth. You came here. Now, just try to relax. Focus on your breathing, and try to relax. I will come back for you soon. You are safe, and everything is fine. Do not worry about anything. You are in our hands now. Peace be with you."

"Oh, oh, okay, I'll stay here and ..." Relax?

"Steven, if you need me, just call my name, and I will be here."

"Oh, ho, oh ... okay, thank you! Hey. Hello? Where did he go?

Wait, who was that? Saint Peter?

"Hey, Saint Peter? Shit. Hey! Mr. ... oh, what the hell was his last name? It wasn't ... Peter, was it? Why don't saints have last names? Shit. Hey ... you ... guy, Mr. ... um, hey, hello!

"Guess not. Who else is up here? In ... heaven? How the hell did I wind up in heaven? Who else could that have been? I should have read more on this ... it's, um, it's ... oh, Jesus!"

And he said, "Are you okay?"

"Jesus, is that you?"

"Yes. Are you okay?"

I said, "Oh shit, oh sweet Jesus, yes, I'm okay. Sorry. I didn't mean to do that. I, um —"

In a soothing tone, he said, "Look, just try to relax, and I will come back for you when the time is right."

"Oh yeah, sorry. I didn't ... I mean, I wasn't trying to —"

"I know. Don't worry. I will come for you when your sight has returned and you can move around. Until then, if you do need something, you can call for me."

"Oh, okay. Yep, 10-4. Sorry about that. My mistake. Hey, so, um, what's the ... hello? Anyone there? Shit. He's gone already. Okay. Relax. Just breathe. Whooo ... ahhhh ... whooo ... ahhhh ... whooo ... ahhhh ... whooo ... ahhhh ...

"Man, this is nice! I never spent much time just sitting and relaxing, thinking about my breathing and — whooo, ahhhh, whooo, ahhhh. In, out, in, out, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, expand, contract, expand, contract, ahhhh ...

"Hey, I wonder how long you can hold your breath in heaven. Let's see ... one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi ... Is heaven somewhere near Mississippi? I wonder if I'll get to find out. Wait, what was I doing? Holding my breath. Yeah, okay, one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi ...

"Wait a minute. I don't feel any different if I breathe or if I don't. My chest doesn't hurt. Hey, I can do this forever! I don't need to breathe. I can hold my breath, and nothing happens. Holy shit! That's cool! I wonder if this is how a fish feels. Wow!

"Wasn't I supposed to be doing something? Oh yeah ... relax, breathe. Well, if he says to breathe, it must be for something. Okay. In, out, one, two, up, down, expand, contract ... not too difficult so far. One and two and three and four and ... Hey, what's the highest I've ever counted to? I wonder if I can count higher in heaven. Hey, what's infinity, anyway? What's eternity? I'll bet that I can ask someone that in heaven. Where the hell is heaven? Oh well, maybe I'll find out. One and two and one and two and ... I wonder how long I have to lie here before something happens to me. Who knows? In and out and in and out and ... hey, I think I can see a faint glimmer out of the corner of my eye. Is that ... light, or ... maybe I'm just imagining it?

"No, probably too quick, Steven, and you've never been quick at anything. One and two and one and — hey, maybe I'm in a coma and dreaming all of this. I heard that happens to some people. Yeah, maybe I'm just in a coma, and this is just what you do in a coma. You talk to people and lie around and breathe in and out, and one and two and ... shit, this is pretty boring.

"But I heard him say heaven. He said heaven, so maybe I'm in heaven and not in a coma. I guess I'll have to wait here to find out. Hey, that does look like a bit of light. And ... and ... I think that I can feel my toes. I have toes in heaven! This is pretty cool! I think that it's getting warmer too. Ahhhh, glorious warmth! I wonder if we're close to the sun. Wait, Steven, why the hell would that matter? Close to the sun. You're an idiot. You think that they need sunlight in heaven? Shit, they probably just make warmth out of ... hey, what do they make warmth out of in heaven? Holy shit. I don't know anything about this place. Was I supposed to learn something before I got here? Oh fuck, what if I am tested or something when I finally get to see and walk? I may be in real trouble!

"Hell, what do I know? I just got here. Steven, stop your ADHD for a second and just do what the man said. Breathe. In and out and one and two and up and down and ... what is it that the Buddhists say when they're meditating? Ohhhhmmm. No, aum, yeah, that's it, aauumm, aauumm, aauumm. Hey, this feels pretty cool! I can feel it vibrating in my head! Aauumm, aauumm. It's like, um, like putting a tuning fork on your head. Steven, what the hell would you know about that? Aauumm. Okay, it feels like, um, like putting your head next to the dryer ... aauumm. This is weird!

"At least I'm in heaven. This is awesome! I wonder how I got here. I wonder where here is. I'll bet that I get to ask these questions to someone. Shit, this is heaven! I'll bet that I get to ask any questions I want! When he gets back here, the first thing I'll ask him is if I get to ask questions to ... wait, can I say anyone else's name? Does that cause the same problem? Ggg ... Gggoo ... okay, here I go ... God. Hello? Anyone there? Anyone hear that? God? God? God! Nope. No problem.

"I wonder if I get to ask God anything I want. How cool would that be! I get to find out anything I wanted, and all I had to do was die. How did I die? I can't remember. I was ... well, I was on earth, and then ... what happened? Hey, how come I can remember how to count and how to breathe and how to talk but I can't remember how I got here? Oh well, I'll ask that too. What was I doing? Oh yes, aauumm, aauumm, one and two and one and two and up and down and in and out and ...

"Oh fuck, shit, oh no! I killed myself! Now I remember! Holy shit, fuck, fuck, fuck! I killed myself. Fuck. Why did I do that? Holy ... oh, oh, shit, I'm fucking screwed. Oh man, I'm fucking dead ...

"Wait. I am dead. And I'm in heaven. I killed myself. What the fuck? How did this happen? I ... I blew my head off! Why the hell did I ...? Hey, I wonder if that's why I can't see anything. No, he said it was normal.

"Well, fuck. What am I supposed to do when he comes back? He must know. They know...

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