My Big Black Hawk (Rejected Children's Books (Funny Books For Adults))

My Big Black Hawk... The Bird That Has Become A Local Attraction Whether Anyone Asked Or Not

All the girls love the Big Black Hawk. When they come to ride, he makes them squeal. He is large. He is magnificent. He is, according to this book, a hawk... a bird, specifically... and the enthusiasm he generates in the people who come to see him and ride him is documented here in illustrated cartoon form with the breathless admiration of a nature documentary about a very exceptional bird. The hawk is big. The hawk is black. The hawk is something everyone in the neighborhood wants to experience. These are the facts. The book reports them.

This adult parody book operates with the complete commitment to its stated subject matter that has made the genre work since someone first looked at a word, saw a second meaning inside it, and decided to write a book about only the first meaning while making the second meaning inescapable. The hawk is the subject. The hawk is large. People want to ride the hawk. The hawk delivers an experience people describe enthusiastically. This is all bird content. This is entirely bird content. Welcome to bird content.

This Book IS For:

• Adults who appreciate a double meaning that has been given the full illustrated treatment it deserves
• Bird enthusiasts who also have a sense of humor about the specific vocabulary of bird appreciation
• Anyone who has ever described something as "big" and "black" in a professional context and had to manage the follow-up
• Gift-givers who want to hand someone bird content that is definitively bird content and watch comprehension arrive

This Book Is NOT For:

• Actual ornithologists who feel hawks deserve to be celebrated in contexts free of double meaning
• People who will read this description and claim they don't understand what's happening, which is possible but statistically unlikely
• Anyone whose appreciation for large black hawks is purely professional and this venue feels inappropriate
• Readers who need their bird books to be entirely about birds in every available sense of the word

Appropriate For:

• Bachelorette parties... the Big Black Hawk is bachelorette party content and has been since the title was chosen
• White elephant exchanges where handing someone a bird book generates the exact reaction you were going for
• Gag gifts for anyone in your life who has used the phrase "big black hawk" in any non-ornithological context
• Any occasion where you want to give a book that is entirely about a bird and somehow about nothing like a bird at all

Why Buy This

The Big Black Hawk is a remarkable animal. Its size is notable. Its appeal is widespread. The people who come to interact with it leave enthusiastic. These are the facts of a very impressive bird, and they are all true about a bird, and the book documents them about a bird, and if you are thinking about anything other than a bird right now that is entirely your own business and the book takes no responsibility for your interpretation of bird content.

Buy it. Give it to someone who likes birds or who will appreciate the specific kind of bird content this book provides. Either way, someone in the transaction ends up with a book about a hawk that is large and celebrated and has a devoted local following. The hawk is waiting. The book is ready. The ride has been described as exceptional. That's the bird situation. That is the complete bird situation.