Beyond Face Value

iUniverse, Inc.

Contents

Introduction.............................xviiThe Early Years..........................1Shallow Innocence........................19Leaving the Nest.........................41The Metamorphosis........................54Like a Ton of Bricks.....................73Worldwide................................94Karma....................................109Finding the Beauty.......................119

Chapter One

I lay in my bed in the fetal position, with a towel pressed firmly, yet tenderly to my swollen face. The towel was both cold and wet from all the ice I had dumped quickly into it from an ice tray, before I ran into my room, and locked the door, before anyone could see me.

My lip was completely split to the point I could actually separate the left and right side of my top lip. The pain was almost unbearable but the hurt I felt was more than physical, I was so ashamed, and yet so angry for feeling so. How was it possible that I could feel this way when I had done nothing wrong? I stared at an old dresser in the corner with tears in my eyes and I couldn't help but wonder why what happened to me had and how my life had ended-up the way it was.

This was not the beginning of my life, nor was it really the early years, but this, in many ways was the beginning of me taking control of my own life and beginning a path to understanding why I was put on this earth in the way that I was.

To answer the question of why my life had brought me to that point, in a bed in what I called my home, bloody beaten emotionally and physically destroyed, I definitely have to start from the beginning. So in sharing with you I'll do the same and take you to a place in my life beyond that broken moment.

You should never ask a lady how old she is., but hell I'm sharing my journey with you so I'll be forthright with everything. It was in Brooklyn, NY on April 7th 1967 that I came into this world. I should have said born, but I honestly don't think I was born until a lot later in my life, when I felt I understood my purpose here was beyond face value.

I grew-up in the 70's and 80's, during a time when there were no computers, cell phones or remote controls. As soon as I write this I remember that in fact my sister and I were my father's remote control, he would call us from outside or from upstairs to come turn the channel for him. Dad was certainly the king of his castle.

Anyway back to my entrance to the world, according to my mom she was visiting her best friend from high school Estelle at the time and went into labor with me. I was delivered by c-section, a very healthy baby boy, weighing seven pounds with a head full of wavy black hair.

My dad was in Philly somewhere when I arrived onto the planet. My parents named me Rajindra. It is an Indian name. My father had a lot to do with my name because he was East Indian from Trinidad. For those of you who know Hindi or are familiar with Indian names you will know that my name Rajindra is typically a male name. The first part, "Raj" means king. Sometimes it is used to describe royalty. I remember seeing a picture of Princess Diana in a magazine and the caption was "Lady Diana looking quite the Raj." "Indra" is the head of the Hindu gods. So actually my name means "King Indra."

Most people feel a connection to their names. In the Indian culture names almost have a spiritual karmic vibe. I know that in Trinidad families will even consult the Pundit (Hindu priest) for a name for their baby.

I have memories from as far back as before I was even one! I have memories of my mom and me as a baby staying with my aunt Tee Tee for a while. I'll tell you more about Tee Tee later. She ends up playing a key role in my journey. More importantly is that I remember my dad not being with us. I also have memories of me being in Tee Tee's arms in what I would find out later in my life was a clothing factory. I can see my father walking up to me and playfully pointing a pencil in my face. Tee Tee of course pushed it away from my face. Later on I would hear that my father had lied to my mom and told her that he was not working. My mom got a call from some guy who told her that my father was working and the name of the company. Well let's just say that my mom, Tee Tee, Tee Tee's mom and little me paid my dad a surprise visit at his job. After that dad pretty much took on his financial responsibilities as well as his responsibilities as a father. There was also some talk about dad about to be deported and him deciding to do the husband and father thing to avoid it. I can't remember what family member I heard that from and I really don't know how true it is. I never bothered to bring it up to my mom. It seems really pointless at this stage of the game. It's so odd the things you remember when you take that journey back over your past.

Growing up with the kind of background I did sure made you love food, and speaking of Trinidad boy do I love Indian food from Trinidad. I love it more than the Indian food from India. It has a Caribbean flare to it. Trinidadians use a dark curry and don't cook with yoghurt like Indians from India. The East Indians arrived in Trinidad in 1834. The British brought them from India as servants. 147,592 of them came from India. So what has happened through the generations is that there has been a blending of East Indian and Caribbean culture. Especially with the food, there I go talking about food again, what can I say, I love to eat. Anyway you can also see the blending of cultures with a type of music called "chutney." It is an Indian and Caribbean mix of music. A lot of the Indians in Trinidad still hold on to the traditions from India. Especially when it comes to births, weddings, and funerals.

Dad ate with his hands in the traditional eating style of India. He even ate rice with his hands, trust me there is definitely a technique to doing it and making it look both natural and elegant. It is all in the way you pick the rice up off the plate and get it in your mouth with your thumb. I never was able to get the technique down. The only time my father would use eating utensils was if we went out to eat at a restaurant. I chuckle when I think back, it was so unnatural for him, and he would look so awkward eating out! It was kind of funny and cute at the same time. My dad was very Indian in a lot of ways, but as I say that I remember there were things about him that were certainly unique of Trinidadian culture, like Steel Band music, which he absolutely loved.

My Grand mother Agie's generation really stuck with the traditions. I remember visiting my grandmother in Trinidad and her always covering her head when she went into town or to a function. I even remember her and some of my older aunts speaking some Hindi. They would mix it in with English. Especially when they didn't want me to understand what they were talking about, this was often.

The two major racial groups in Trinidad are of either East Indian or African descent. The East Indian and Blacks definitely had their share of racial tension. I know that my dad and a lot of his family were prejudice against Black people. Yet he married my mother, who was a Creole mix of French, Black and Native American. His family did not react well to say the least. I believe it was because East Indians came to Trinidad long after Blacks had been there. The cultures were very different from each other and the East Indians came to Trinidad as...