LEARNING HOW TO BETTER NEGOTIATE

What is negotiation really all about?

When was the last time you negotiated? Was it while making weekend plans this morning with your significant other? Was it with your teenage son about some new tech gadget he says he needs? With your boss about a long-overdue salary raise? With a colleague who wants to leave for vacation at the same time as you? With some difficult, demanding client who keeps coming up with even more unreasonable requirements?

Negotiation is a part of our daily lives. It's something we do every single day. But do you usually think through beforehand how you will negotiate? No? That's okay – the same is true for most people. We normally just wing it in our day-to-day negotiations, simply going with our intuition instead of planning things out.

After reading this book,

* you will understand the fundamentals and principles of both cooperative negotiation and competitive negotiation, as well as the differences between them,

* you will have reflected upon – and improved – your own personal negotiating behavior, and

* you will be able to professionally deal with difficult negotiating partners and unfair tactics.

This is a training book – which is what differentiates it from the conventional literature on the topic of negotiation. Most chapters begin with a self-assessment, through which you can evaluate your initial knowledge about the particular chapter's subject matter. The solutions for each self-assessment can be found at the end of the chapter. Case studies have also been included for each of the main topics dealt within this book; these "negotiation simulations" give you a chance to practice what you have learned. Additionally, the deep background information provided throughout the book enables you to acquire a more profound understanding of the subject matter.

SELF-ASSESSMENT 1.1

Neil Reubens has recently met a girl named Nellie. They have gone out a few times, and he really likes her. He will be taking her to the opera tonight; afterwards, he would like to invite her for a glass of wine at his place. The wine has been bought already, but now Neil needs a docking station for his iPhone. He is at the electronics store, where he has found an interesting, stylish model.

SALESMAN: This is a very elegantly designed system – the S-AIR iPhone docking station with built-in radio and two satellite speakers. You've picked a really nice model there. It'll be $589.

NEIL: That's pretty expensive. What kind of discount is available?

SALESMAN: Actually, the price of this system has already been reduced – it usually costs $70 more. You're really getting a bargain on this model – you're going to love it.

NEIL: I bought a washing machine and a stove from your store a month ago. I think a reasonable discount is in order.

SALESMAN: Unfortunately, I can't help you. As a matter of principle, we don't negotiate our prices. (points to a corresponding sign on the wall)

NEIL: I can't believe it! Listen, you can give me a good deal on this docking station – or would you rather I just go order it online?

SALESMAN: No, no, don't misunderstand me – of course I want to sell you this docking station. It's just that we generally don't offer extra discounts. I'm sorry.

* HOW WOULD YOU EVALUATE NEIL'S BEHAVIOR?

• I would've done exactly the same!

• Persistence usually pays off.

• Neil could have handled this better.

Read the expert opinion at the end of this chapter.

It is always amazing how negotiations tend to be approached so thoughtlessly and unstrategically. Each of the following is common practice among people while negotiating:

* Mistaking traditional marketplace haggling for actual negotiation.

* Thinking only about what they are negotiating for, while ignoring their relationships with their negotiating partners.

* Thinking that the negotiation has failed whenever they reach an impasse.

* Thinking that they are being persistent when they are actually just being stubborn.

* Feeling like they are "giving in" when they are working towards solutions with their counterparts.

* Picking up on other people's faults, while being blind to the flaws in their own negotiating style.

* Not recognizing dirty tricks and manipulation by other parties – and often being helpless even when they do recognize such tactics.

* Seeing moving slowly as a sign of weakness.

* Having no idea about how their facial expressions and body language are affecting the outcome of their negotiation.

We are often left frustrated by the results of negotiating by intuition alone. Emotions run high and we say or do things for which we will later be sorry. We damage our relationships with our negotiating partners. We get short-changed or ripped off. We end up with unsustainable results – and sooner or later need to negotiate all over again.

The Harvard Method

Thus, it is more effective to negotiate rationally, rather than just intuitively. To think before acting – and to think before reacting. With this in mind, researchers from Harvard University developed a pragmatic method, commonly known as the "Harvard Method", which strives to be a model for rational negotiation. The Harvard Method has been tried and tested many times over the years. It first appeared in the 1981 book Getting to Yes: Negotiating an Agreement Without Giving In, by Roger Fisher, William Ury, and later Bruce Patton, which is now the standard reference work on the topic of sound, rational negotiation. The bestseller has been translated into more than 20 languages around the world and has sold more than two million copies.

THE HARVARD NEGOTIATION PROJECT

The Harvard Negotiation Project is a research project devoted to the study of all aspects of negotiation. It is part of the Program on Negotiation (PON), a consortium affiliated with Harvard Law School, which includes faculty and projects from Harvard, MIT, and Tufts University's Fletcher School of Law and Diplomacy. It acts in four areas:

• Theory building – PON develops theories and models, such as the one now known and trademarked as the Harvard Method.

• Education and training – The project offers programs and courses for people (including diplomats, labor leaders, lawyers, and government officials) who work professionally with conflict resolution, negotiation, and mediation.

• Publications – The Teaching Negotiation Resource Center, formerly known as the PON Clearinghouse, offers a variety of materials including checklists, case studies, role-play simulations, videos, and books for teaching and training purposes.

• Action research – Current crisis hot-spots are professionally monitored, and conflict...