A Young Girl and Shattered Dreams

My Beginning

God, church and family, most days this was the complete order of my life. Born into a family of preachers, my entry into ministry was almost inevitable. Prior to serving as local pastors my parents were full time evangelists, preaching, praying, and singing throughout the entire United States and later in many Muslim dominated countries. Laboring not in vain, they have witnessed thousands of people experiencing salvation, healing and deliverance all over the world.

With the arrival of my brother and me, their ministry continued without hindrance. When I was born, my brother was two years old. Mom and Dad were in the midst of a revival. Mom went home to give birth while my dad continued evangelizing. Two days later my mom went into labor and my dad hurried home to be with us. It was not very long before we were all on the road evangelizing as a family. With two toddlers and a blossoming ministry, stopping or slowing down was never an option. Instead, we were right there with them.

We traveled across America, sitting in churches and tent revivals, spending weeks at a time in one city. Church attendance and participation was very important to the Jones family. Even as we grew into teenagers, the thought of missing church for any reason never entered our minds. Again, if Mom and Dad were there, so were we.

The Joneses were always seen together. Even if our parents went out for the evening, we would go with them. As a child, I remember my parents being very selective of my influencers. Honestly, my brother and I never had a babysitter. Mom and Dad had to approve the kids we played with and I would often become very agitated with them. My parents always provided me a safe place to call home and protected me from anything that would cause me harm, especially other people.

Not discounting the personal struggles I encountered, my childhood was not typical but it was great. Our everyday life was unusual to some but there were moments we did normal things. One of my fondest memories is driving fourteen hours to spend Christmas with my grandparents. My grandmother, whom we affectionately called Mawmaw, would cook for hours in preparation of our arrival. Her desire was for us all to enjoy our favorite foods. In my mind, I knew as long as I had the love of my parents and grandparents, life would be perfect.

As I look back I wonder how I could ever become so broken and distant from God. Even as a child, Satan was trying to steal my future by causing me to focus on the temporary instead of the eternal. Feelings of anger, shame and rejection began to manifest. We were a musical family and every night I would fall asleep listening to my favorite bands playing on a radio that was tucked under the covers because I did not like gospel music.

Jolted awake one morning at seven o'clock with worship music blaring throughout our home, I was furious. There was no place to go to get rid of this music. My dad had connected speakers throughout our home and I had lost control of this situation. This occurrence, however, did not stop my attempts at full control of my life and decisions.

Chosen Child

Most assured that I did not want to go to hell, at the age of seven I asked Jesus into my heart and was baptized. Not at all interested in the sort of spiritual experience my parents had, I thought just getting saved was enough. Trusting my parents to always be there for me even after making the poorest decisions, I had placed the burden of my natural and spiritual care on my parents. Yes, I had asked Jesus to save me but I had never pursued a personal and fruitful relationship with Him. Nor did I acknowledge His love or wisdom.

For many years I heard my daddy and other preachers talk about this amazing God and His unconditional love for us. After sitting through years of religious instruction in Sunday School and youth meetings, incorrectly I thought this kind of love was only reserved for the "good" Christian. If you ask me to explain why this preacher's kid was so trivial in spiritual things I could not give you a satisfactory answer.

However, in my heart, I always knew God needed or better yet, He wanted to be at the center of my life. He had a plan for my life that was finalized before I was ever born but I was so easily distracted by my desire to become a success. Choosing instead to do things that were contrary to His will and moving farther and farther away from God, I could not see His divine hand keeping me protected. As a result, my journey through life took me down a road filled with potholes of hurt, dangerous curves of habits and multiple speed bumps of heartache. Truly I had created my own storms and got mad at God when it rained.

Religious Restriction

Spend one hour with me and you will know that I absolutely hate religion and all of its man-made rules and guidelines. Religion can leave people injured and it places God in a box limiting what He is capable of doing in and through you. My parents were influential members of an organization that restricted women from using their gifts in ministry. Taught to sing or be silent, God said otherwise and I felt a tug in my heart to preach the word of God.

Some days I would spend hours singing and preaching to my Barbie dolls. One afternoon, at the age of four, my mom overheard me saying, "My daddy doesn't believe in women preachers, so I guess I will just have to sing." It was as though I thought I had to discard one gift and settle for functioning in the other. But God had a specific plan for my life.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

(Jeremiah 29:11)

Satan is such a loser! In an attempt to discredit the call of God on my life, Satan always reminded me of my struggle with memorization and the inability to retain information. He would constantly tell me you are nothing, you are a failure. He always tries to manipulate what God has said to us about us. The most dangerous weapon he uses is six inches between our ears, the mind. When he can get inside our head and change or control our thinking and thought patterns, we will miss everything God has already said about us because of a momentary distraction. Now I have learned to be less concerned about what Satan says about me and more focused on what God has ordained for me. No longer was I going to settle!

Once I accepted this call on my life to preach, I had to get into position to hear His voice clearly about my future and what He had for me. No longer was I listening to the reason why I could not, but for the first time I was hearing all the reason why I had to walk in my purpose. My future was not limited to just singing but God had...