CHAPTER 1
The End
In my last book, I left you with the knowledge that I would be getting married on September 6, 2015, which was, coincidently, the one-year anniversary of my spiritual awakening. That is where this book shall begin, so that you do not miss any part of the journey.
Tyler (whose name I have changed to protect his identity) and I had planned a very elaborate wedding at a significant cost of twenty thousand dollars. I hired all the professional help I would need, including wedding planners. We wanted it to be perfect, of course, as anyone does when they believe they are marrying the person they think they are meant to be with. We hired photographers, a videographer, a caterer, a DJ, and many other people to help. Tyler was interested in the details of the wedding but he knew I was organized and had a talent for event planning, so he left all the important decisions to me.
The planning process was enjoyable for me. I was grateful for the distraction of the wedding, my full-time job, and my spiritual endeavors, because other areas of my personal life seemed to be falling apart. Tyler was having issues running his business and had entered legal battles over money. He seemed to be at odds with business vendors, staff , and even clients. With no direct involvement, there was little I could say or do to help him. Added to that, Tyler was involved in an incident at our engagement party in May 2015, which led to court and lawsuits, so you can imagine the stress levels in my household.
Trouble seemed to find Tyler with ease. So much so that we broke up in July 2015 after I walked out of our shared house. I cancelled the wedding and everything. But then I felt this invisible elastic band snap me right back to him. My emotions ran high and my anxiety higher still until I agreed to work it out and resume the wedding plans. I was baffled to say the least. This was not typical behavior for me. When I decide to do something, I rarely change my mind. Maybe I loved him more than I thought, I rationalized to myself.
The big day arrived on September 6, 2015. It was raining when the limo pulled up to the house to take my wedding party to the ceremony and reception location. I thought everything was perfect, and if it wasn't, it was no longer important.
Upon my arrival, the ceremony was about to begin. Everyone was seated. My son was standing by my side to whisk me down the aisle. I walked slowly but surely along the white carpet, which had been laid out just for me. The lights flashing all around me barely registered as I watched my soon-to-be husband ahead. Finally, I took my place by his side. My veil hung perfectly down my back. My maid of honor adjusted the bottom of my dress but I didn't look at her. The officiant recited the agreed upon words but I heard nothing. Somewhere in the depths of my mind all the words must have registered, as I lifted my hand to have the sapphire and platinum ring placed on my finger.
Next, we were moved to a table to sign the wedding contract. I took my seat and my now-husband stood beside me. Someone placed a pen in my hand and pointed at where I had to sign.
Before the wedding, I had already decided I would not be changing my name. I signed with my full name: Kimberly-jo Wuirch
And that's when it happened ...
My whole life changed in an instant. The second after I signed my name on that dotted line I was FREE. I felt it as clearly as if I had been slapped in the face. Whatever had bound me to Tyler had just been released. That invisible elastic band had disintegrated. I carefully covered my face so as not to show my shock and amazement. I could not tell anyone! In that split-second I knew my marriage was over before it had even begun. But I could not do anything about it. For the remainder of this wedding day I had to hide every thought and emotion I experienced. No one would understand, as even 'I' did not understand exactly what was going on. But one thing I knew for certain, was that somewhere, somehow, I had made an agreement with Tyler that we would marry, and I was bound to that commitment. Once fulfilled, however, I was released from that agreement, and it had happened the moment I signed my name.
During the first dance with my husband, my only thought was, what am I going to do now that my marriage is over?
I made it through my wedding day on autopilot. This was certainly not what I expected it to be like. Naturally I wanted to try to make things work between us so I made no immediate move to do anything. I told no one. How could I even begin to explain? Within days it was clear to me that with the release of whatever had taken place, my feelings for Tyler went too. I felt nothing at first. No love, hate, nor anything in between. There was nothing between us. Still, I persisted because I felt that I had made a promise. As the days passed, his anger and depression grated on me.
Then he gave me an ultimatum. He told me to choose between him and my spirituality. He had never shown any interest in my spiritual affairs nor did I expect him to. However, spirituality took up more and more of my time and he became resentful of that. He said it was taking me away from him. I cannot deny that, as it WAS taking me away from him. I had changed and he had not. I understood that. He said if I did not give up the spiritual stuff, I should only do it when he was not around. He asked me to not do it 100 percent of the time and I told him spirituality was 100 percent a part of me, and he could either take it or leave it.
For the first time in my life I had found something that made me truly happy. I had found purpose and meaning in my life. Anyone that wanted to take that away from me was viewed as a threat. That threat rapidly became resentment as I felt judged. Trying to take away my spirituality was like trying to take away my son. I would fight to the death for it.
Our marriage lasted until October 29, 2015, less than two months after taking our vows.
A disagreement turned into a fight, which turned into me asking for a divorce. He moved out of our house and into our cottage where he remained while the separation papers were filed and signed. I sold the house we lived in and moved into a rental house. He remained in the cottage we had built together and I never saw him again.
The end.
Later, I learned that Tyler and I were...
