Alignment: To bring into line

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Albert Einstein

My Introduction to Alignment

I've spent most my adult life believing that if I read the right books, attended trainings, went to a new therapist to "work on my issues" and committed myself to a daily self-improvement practice, I'd learn the secret to feeling better about myself and have healthier relationships. These activities have indeed assisted me in my growth, but I was still unsatisfied with the day-to-day conflicts and how I could live my life in a state of peace.

Alignment is based on right now. Becoming aware of this moment. Checking in with what I'm thinking, saying, feeling and how I'm behaving related to any issue. I can do this once or many times each day to see if each area is matching up and supporting the other.

Before I knew what I just stated above, I was having another one of those times in my life where I felt confused and unbalanced, unsure of what to do next. Several times in the past I had gone to therapy when I was feeling discouraged, hopeless or just plain lost. I hoped that someone else would help me figure things out. My sense of imbalance this time was related to having made some poor financial choices that had finally caught up with me. It was like standing on a slippery boat deck, the waves building for a storm. I needed something or someone to hang onto so I didn't go overboard. I immediately went in search of a therapist.

My new counselor spent the initial session getting a complete history of my life to build a relationship with me and know what we might be working on. I remember telling her about my childhood and crying through the entire story. I felt somewhat cleansed but believed that I hadn't come to work on childhood issues. My problems had been created within the past few years and were demanding my attention right now. At the second session, I jumped right in and told her about the impending sale of my home, the wage garnishment that had just hit the desk of the agency controller, and having to survive on a fraction of my income. I told her about the shame I felt when I told my adult kids that I might need help with groceries. I shared how I was questioning my ability to counsel others when obviously, I was struggling to counsel myself. This concern, led the counselor to talk about leadership and alignment.

She walked over to her office whiteboard and drew a stick figure. On this stick figure, she added the words think, say feel, and do next to the head, mouth, heart and belly. She told me about a researcher, Angeles Arrien, PhD who had studied world leaders and what they had in common. Dr. Arrien discovered that what they all shared was alignment. Each leader lived in such a way that his/her thoughts, words, feelings and actions consistently matched; they were in line.

I wasn't interested in becoming a world leader. The leader of my own life? Absolutely! This concept was not completely foreign to me as authenticity, integrity and congruency are similar terms used regularly in the land of therapy. I could see that this model suggested something I could actually accomplish, more in-the-moment and life changing. I began to consider this as a working model for self-evaluation, daily improvement and clarity.

I knew that I had been gifted something extremely important, even magical. My body tingled; I felt an excitement growing from deep inside. This was the key to my years of searching; it provided a beautiful way to find balance for myself and the many people I work with who are on the path to healing and growth. Best of all, this model fit with my three favorite teaching areas: accountability, boundaries and communication. I got right to work ...

Sharing the Alignment Concept

The very next day, I went to lunch with my oldest daughter Rachel. She shared that her nine year old, my granddaughter Matea, was having continuous problems with a classmate at school. Rachel said she wished her daughter would "just put it behind her!" Rachel expressed frustration with Matea's strong emotions. Since I was still on a high about my new discovery of alignment, I felt compelled to draw the stick figure on a napkin and share its meaning. I described the four areas to Rachel: thinking, saying, feeling and doing. We discussed how she would explain these to Matea to help her understand how she might like to proceed with this classmate. I also shared my perspective on how accountability and boundaries lead to better communication. She was amazed at how simple this sounded and agreed to give it a shot later that day.

Rachel and Matea discussed the napkin picture and agreed that Matea could choose to stay focused on her own thoughts, words, feelings and behaviors. Matea was reminded that even though her classmate had spoken unkind words, she did not have to be unkind in return. Matea was encouraged to stick with her own values of kindness and respect rather than move out of alignment.

Ultimately, the girls chose new friends. Matea returned to a more aligned state and felt confident in her ability to address conflict by tuning back into her own sense of direction and well-being.

This is the model that I created after the original stick figure. I felt the need to give alignment a bit of a personality! I call her Aly.

Where else do you think of the concept of alignment?

Spinal Alignment

All of my babies were large at birth, between 8.5 and 9 lbs. I believe that multiple pregnancies and high birth weights contributed to my back going on strike.

I knew I was out of alignment mid-way through my last pregnancy when I became frozen-in-place at a pregnancy exercise class. I was on the floor on hands and knees preparing to complete an exercise called "cat/cow." The general idea is to arch your back upward while tucking your chin to your chest and then gently reversing the arch with your belly hanging as your head and eyes slowly look upward. I realized something was terribly wrong when I attempted to stand back up. Everything in my back hurt, my breath caught and then my body locked up! I would discover later that this was called a back spasm.

That was my final exercise class during pregnancy. Several weeks after giving birth to my 8 lb. 15 oz. daughter, I bent over to lift her off a blanket on the floor. Oh, the pain! It was just like in the exercise class, but now I couldn't care for my new baby. I had heard about a chiropractor nearby who had worked with a family member and I called immediately.

Based on x-rays, I learned that my back had a curve in it,...