1The Faith Journey

Why did you choose your church?

Certainly, there are lots of reasons why people choose to become involved in a particular church. However, for parents, there is often one reason that dominates the answer to this question: kid's programming.

If a church has a wonderful children's ministry or an amazing youth ministry, as parents, we're far more likely to stay and invest in that church — even in times of conflict and disappointment.

While I completely understand this response, the truth is, if you want to help your child take ownership of her or his faith journey, you must first reflect on your personal faith journey and how that journey might have intentionally or unintentionally impacted your child's journey of faith.

Examining Your Own Faith Journey

When is the last time you reflected on your faith journey? I'm guessing it's been a while. As parents, we naturally prioritize our children's needs ahead of our own. The same is true of faith. Most of us reflect on and worry about our kids' faith far more than our own.

Yet, think about when you are on an airplane. During the safety announcements, a flight attendant explains that, in an emergency, oxygen masks will fall from the ceiling. In order to help others, you must first put on your own mask. The same is true of faith.

In order to help our kids progress in their faith journey, we must first examine our own. To do this, think about your answers to the following questions. You may even find it helpful to spend time journaling about each of these questions.

• What's your earliest memory of church? Is it positive or negative? Why do you think that is? How does that compare with more recent memories of church? What, if anything, has changed about your perception of church?

• Where have you experienced community within the church? How, if at all, has that community helped sustain your faith during challenging times?

• Think about your parents. How would you describe their faith?

• If you're partnered, how does your partner's faith journey compare to your own? How does it help or hinder your faith journey?

• When have you felt closest to God? farthest away from God? What circumstances contributed to those feelings?

• What role have prayer, fasting, reading Scripture, giving, and other spiritual practices played in your journey of faith? Explain.

• What metaphor do you think best describes your faith journey? Why?

• On a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 being "Completely Satisfied" and 5 being "Completely Dissatisfied," how content are you currently in your faith journey? Why?

Which questions were easy for you to answer? difficult? What does that suggest about your faith journey?

Examining your personal faith journey is hard but important work. It's also the starting point for helping your teen continue in his or her journey of faith.

Your Role in Your Teen's Faith Journey

My congregation practices confirmation — a rite during which students affirm the promises their parents made for them at baptism and decide for themselves to follow Jesus. In this congregation, students are confirmed in the spring of eighth grade. As the youth pastor at my church, I visit in the home of every confirmation family before the big day arrives. During these visits I help families process the confirmation experience. One way I do this is by asking parents, "What hopes do you have for your child's faith journey after confirmation?"

This question often catches parents off guard. Over the years, many parents have later told me, "We thought that part of the process of letting our teens take ownership of their faith in confirmation was to back off. So, we were surprised when you asked us what were our hopes for their continued faith journey."

It hurts me to hear this.

As parents, we need to stay engaged in our teens' journey of faith — even after they make their individual faith decisions. When they take ownership of their faith, it doesn't mean we wipe our hands and totally withdraw from their faith journey. Instead, we become partners in their faith formation as they gradually take more and more ownership for their individual journeys.

Hopes for Your Teen's Ongoing Faith Journey

Consider Philippians 1:3-11, a letter the apostle Paul wrote to the church in Philippi:

"I thank my God every time I mention you in my prayers. I'm thankful for all of you every time I pray, and it's always a prayer full of joy. I'm glad because of the way you have been my partners in the ministry of the gospel from the time you first believed it until now. I'm sure about this: the one who started a good work in you will stay with you to complete the job by the day of Christ Jesus. I have good reason to think this way about all of you because I keep you in my heart. You are all my partners in God's grace, both during my time in prison and in the defense and support of the gospel. God is my witness that I feel affection for all of you with the compassion of Christ Jesus.

"This is my prayer: that your love might become even more and more rich with knowledge and all kinds of insight. I pray this so that you will be able to decide what really matters and so you will be sincere and blameless on the day of Christ. I pray that you will then be filled with the fruit of righteousness, which comes from Jesus Christ, in order to give glory and praise to God."

Notice Paul's language here. He called the Philippian church his "partners in the ministry." What might it look like for us to view our teens as "partners in the ministry" (verse 5)? In good partnerships, both parties contribute positively to the same goal and to one another. Everyone's voice matters.

In a good faith partnership, everyone's voice also matters. As parents, this means we need to talk about our individual faith and give our kids the opportunity to talk honestly about theirs. As parents, we cannot afford to be silent on matters of faith, nor should we be the ones doing all the talking.

Our kids truly do want to hear what we think about matters of faith. Our stories are important to them because our faith stories are part of their faith stories. Teens want and need us to cast vision for their faith journey. They don't know what their faith journey is supposed to look like when they're in college or as an adult. They haven't reached that point yet. But we have.

One of the most poignant confirmation home visits I ever experienced was one in which the student didn't believe in Jesus. For him, Jesus was too closely tied to his mom, whom he resented for making him go to confirmation.

After hearing this, I asked the student why he thought confirmation was important enough for his mom to insist that he attend, even though she knew that doing so would result in an epic weekly battle. He admitted he had no idea. Since his mom was with us, I suggested he ask her. She then proceeded to talk about the role faith had played in her life,...