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Bow Down: Lessons from Dominatrixes on How to Be a Boss in Life, Love, and Work - Softcover

Goldwert, Lindsay

 
9781982130510: Bow Down: Lessons from Dominatrixes on How to Be a Boss in Life, Love, and Work
Softcover
ISBN 10: 1982130512 ISBN 13: 9781982130510
Verlag: Simon Element, 2021

Inhaltsangabe

*One of Glamour’s Best Books of 2020*

Popular podcast host and personal finance expert Lindsay Goldwert explores what professional dominatrixes can teach us about confidence, power, and happiness.

Imagine, for a moment, a world where the usual power dynamic is turned on its head. Where women not only stop apologizing, but seize—and enjoy—control. This is the quickly mainstreaming world of BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism)—and it has a lot to teach women about empowerment, negotiation, open-mindedness, and more. Journalist Lindsay Goldwert, intrigued by this seismic cultural shift, traveled across the United States to meet the stars of the subculture, who spoke frankly with her about their lives and work.

In this “lively, funny, thoughtful channeling of wisdom” (Sara Benincasa, author of Real Artists Have Day Jobs), these Alpha women show you how you can reset the power dynamic in any situation to get what you want—whether it’s from a husband, a boss, or partner. They share strategies for revolutionizing not only your sex life, but your career, your relationships, and most importantly, your inner foundations.

With bondage gear popping up on the big screen, the runway, the red carpet, and in celebrity lingerie lines, BDSM is officially moving out of the dungeon and into the sun. Let Bow Down help you learn how to use it. “Whether your fantasies lie in the bedroom or the boardroom, Lindsay will give you the courage to go forth and dominate.” (Sarah Cooper, author of How to Be Successful without Hurting Men’s Feelings).

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Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Lindsay Goldwert is the editor in chief of the online love and money magazine Money Date. She’s a journalist and the host of Spent, a money-themed storytelling podcast praised as “unique” by The A.V. Club and “funny and human” by The Globe and Mail (Toronto). She is the former editorial director of the personal-finance app Stash and hosted the Teach Me How to Money podcast. Her writing has appeared in New York magazine, The New York Daily News, ABCNews.com, Quartz, Refinery29, Fast Company, Redbook, Slate, and many other publications. She lives in Queens, New York.

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Popular podcast host and personal finance expert Lindsay Goldwert explores what professional dominatrixes can teach us about confidence, power, and happiness.

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Lesson #1: Kinky Words Are Life Words LESSON #1
KINKY WORDS ARE LIFE WORDS

Kink and BDSM are playfulness with the sexual privileges of adulthood.

—TINA HORN1

This is a book about power dynamics and how we can filter our communications and interactions through the tenets of BDSM. But in order to play responsibly during kinky sex (and in life), it all needs to be filtered through the framework of consent, negotiation, boundaries, safe words, and respect.

Later in the book, I’ll talk about how BDSM is a great lens to examine our work lives, home lives, as well as our sex lives. But first, before we get there, we need to get down and dirty.

Let’s define some terms, shall we?
WHAT IS KINK AND BDSM?
“Kink” is an umbrella term that can encompass almost anything that’s seen as outside the norm of “vanilla” sex.

What’s vanilla sex? There’s no one definition, but one way to think about it is the kind of sex two people have in mainstream, R-rated movies. This can include the standard male/female positions and, some may argue, oral sex. Some may define vanilla sex as normative sex between two straight people. Others sum it up by saying it doesn’t matter who is doing it; if it doesn’t involve BDSM, it’s vanilla. There’s nothing wrong with vanilla sex! Like the ice cream, it can be sweet, delicious, and wonderful. For a lot of us, it can be the perfect way for you and your partner to express sexual desire and intimacy.

Kinky people take a whole different view of sex and sensuality. For example, not everyone believes that the whole point of sex is for both people to have an orgasm. After all, we have wonderful brains that conjure wild and wicked fantasies, and billions of nerve endings (everywhere) that beg to be stroked and teased. Who among us doesn’t love ice cream? But some people, kinky people, want some sprinkles on their vanilla ice cream. Or they want rocky road with all the toppings. Or they just want to drip the ice cream down the backs of their partners and watch them squirm while they enjoy the sharp and crunchy cone. I’m losing the metaphor here, but the point is, not everyone likes to have sex in the missionary position.

BDSM isn’t just whips and chains (although whips and chains can definitely be part of it). The “B” stands for “bondage.” The “D” stands for “discipline.” The “S” stands for “sadism.” The “M” stands for “masochism.” People have been playing with power dynamics for millennia, but it wasn’t until the 2000s that “BDSM” became the mainstream, go-to term. Before that it was “B&D” or “S&M.”

The definition of “kink” and all those who contributed to its many aspects and contributions to our culture could fill several volumes. For me to attempt to do so in just a few paragraphs would be doing a great disservice to those who have dedicated their life to studying its history. Kink has Eastern and Western roots, from aspects of the Kama Sutra to orgies, partner swapping, and voyeurism in the Roman tale Satyricon. From the dawn of Christianity, artists have eroticized its rites and rituals, including flogging and submission. The Victorians may have been having sex for procreation at home, but with sex workers, both male and female, they explored other pleasures, such as oral and anal sex, spanking, cross-dressing and other kinds of gender bending, erotic death obsession, and some pretty wild written and visual erotica. Under the complex and draconian Comstock Laws of the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, men with a penchant for photos or magazines where women posed in high-heeled, thigh-high boots risked being charged with sending and receiving obscene material in the mail.

“Leather” is another term for a certain kind of kink. The term gained popularity in the 1950s in gay male biker clubs and has continued to be used today, especially in LGBTQ communities, to let others know their kink fetishes and identity.2

But when it comes to this book, which is really the intro-to-the-intro to kinky thinking, I believe that it’s best to keep it simple.

“Kink and BDSM are playfulness with the sexual privileges of adulthood,” said Tina Horn,3 journalist and host of the sex podcast Why Are People Into That?!

People like to say that kink and BDSM are everywhere now, and are totally mainstream. And to some extent that’s true. When perusing Rihanna’s lingerie site, I discovered I could purchase a riding crop along with a sensible T-shirt bra. Kinky fashion was on display at the 2019 Met Ball. Celebrities wore latex and harnesses and braided their hair to resemble whips. The filmmaker Lena Dunham and the actress Jemima Kirke wore dresses with the words “Rubberist” and “Looner” on them. (A “looner” is a person with a balloon fetish, who gets more and more aroused as the balloon becomes inflated and then, depending on his or her preference, gets off on the pop). The Showtime drama Billions features BDSM as a core story line, in the marriage of an attorney general and a corporate psychologist. Lifestyle magazines and online sites like Glamour, Refinery29, and Cosmopolitan now write frankly and enthusiastically about fetishes, floggers, dildos, and pegging.

So yes, I’d say that a lot more people are talking about, writing about, and thinking about kinky sex. You can buy a ball gag on Amazon and have it shipped to you in the same box as your cat litter (ew). You can log on to any porn site, type in a few key words, and see things that you never thought you’d see (or may never want to see again).

And yet, many aspects of kink and BDSM are not at all mainstream, to the delight and relief of the people who partake in them. This can include (but are not limited to) extreme role-play, zoophilia, 24/7 master/slave relationship dynamics, the reveling in bodily fluids of all kinds, tickling, wrestling, objectification, consensual gang bangs, consensual dehumanization and sexual torment. At the same time, kink can be sensual. Kink can be thoughtful. It can involve whips and chains, it can involve nothing more than two or more human beings with wild imaginations and descriptive vocabularies. Kinks are like fingerprints, no two are exactly alike—but we all have them. It’s a state of mind and an exciting and often breathtaking way to feed our desires.

Kink can allow us to explore the darker sides of ourselves. Maybe you’re looking to explore new and exciting sensations, whether it’s a feather down your spine, a vibrator held against your clit, or the pull of rope tightening against your partner’s wrists. Maybe you want to get into role-play, give up control, or take control from your partner. All these things may be considered kinky but there’s so much more than just objects you can purchase or hold in your hand.

]But none of this tells you why people do it. What do they get out of it? And really, what’s the point of receiving a ball gag in the mail if you don’t know why you want to use it?
WHY BE KINKY?
I don’t know, why breathe air? Why have adventure? Why explore all the wildest recesses of our minds while we’re still here on Earth? Why imagine yourself in a position of power that may lead you to believe that you deserve more of it in your daily life? Why explore new sensations and feelings that may turn your idea of desire—and satisfaction—on its head?

Remember these words; you’ll be hearing them a lot throughout...

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Verlag
Simon Element
Erscheinungsdatum
2021
Sprache
Englisch
ISBN 10 
1982130512
ISBN 13 
9781982130510
Einband
Taschenbuch
Anzahl der Seiten
304
Kontakt zum Hersteller
Van Ditmar Boeken, VDB Sales
sales@vanditmar.nl

Hondiuslaan 44
Utrecht
3528 AB
Niederlande