LIFE

Have you ever had the feeling that sometimes the tough times last forever? For me, the '90s were a rough decade.

In many ways it is a miracle that I survived those years to be able to share them now. In 1991, a few weeks after high school graduation and my eighteenth birthday, I was on my way to Army boot camp. I will never forget that feeling of excitement, anticipation, and fear. I have always felt excited when starting a new adventure.

It was my first time traveling out of state alone, and I really had no idea what I had gotten myself into. The Army was all about learning to be comfortable being uncomfortable. It was about embracing pain instead of avoiding it. I quickly learned how to break through self-imposed physical limitations, and it was empowering, to say the least.

Although it was difficult, I can look back and see how much what I learned has served me well throughout other areas of my life. My time in the military taught me that I am capable of doing far more than I had ever thought possible. We all are.

Two things I learned in the Army are resilience and adaptation. You had better be able to adapt to constantly changing circumstances and pressure. When the Army finds out you are scared of heights, they send you to air assault school to rappel out of helicopters or airborne school to jump out of airplanes. I learned how to live in a stressful environment 24/7 and to accept it as normal.

It's amazing what we can get used to. In basic training I was as far from happy as I ever thought I would be. Getting yelled at, being shamed, embarrassed, and constantly pushed to muscle failure is not much fun — and definitely nowhere near happiness. However, it was an escape from Illinois and a great first step in discovering who I was. I didn't realize it at the time, but I had already become quite the "escape artist." At fifteen, I discovered alcohol, and by seventeen, there was no happiness without it. Somewhere along the way, I bought into the lie that alcohol was a requirement for happiness and that I was so much more fun when intoxicated.

I imagine that you can relate to some level. We all have a past and we all have some type of pain associated with it. What I have learned is some of that pain can actually be used as fuel for our future. Most people are familiar with the term post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) but less are familiar with the term post-traumatic growth (PTG). For many, their past becomes debilitating to their future, but for some the mess becomes their message and they find purpose beyond their pain. My hope is that you will discover your purpose and walk out the fullness of your destiny and calling.

Basic training taught me how to focus on the here and now. I ended up graduating at the head of my class, earned my first promotion, and was ready to move on to bigger and better things. During the next three years, I would relocate several times, and live in Fort Riley, Kansas; Fulda, Germany, and Fort Stewart, Georgia. Fort Riley is a small military town, and is best known for the origin of the Spanish flu pandemic that killed 3–5 percent of the world's population. There were 50,000 soldiers stationed in the town during the start of this epidemic, and it is largely suspected that the flu originated there. The flu virus infected 500 million people around the world including people on remote Pacific islands and in the Arctic and resulted in hundreds of millions of deaths. When I arrived there, the days were filled with pain and the nights were lonely as I adjusted to my new assignment. I will never forget arriving and heading straight into the field in November without the proper winter equipment. Within a week I was second-guessing my decision to join the service. It doesn't take too many nights of guarding and digging holes at 2:00 a.m. with Kansas winds trying to knock you over to question your choices that led you there. Those years away from home were filled with many lonely nights.

With each assignment the loneliness never left.

I remember arriving in Germany on December 23, 1992, and still feeling so empty and lonely. It would be something I would battle for years. It was like there was this dark cloud hanging over my head that would never go away. During those years, I was deeply depressed. The only time I felt relief was when I went out drinking with the guys. This led to a pattern of living for the weekend and just surviving through the week. I hid it well, but I was dying inside and didn't know why.

After three years I finished my Army commitment and was ready to tackle bigger and better things. I spent the last year of my time in the Army taking personality tests and exploring career options. None of the traditional careers or employment opportunities appealed to me at all, and I just knew I wanted to do something big, something that wasn't the norm.

When I left the Army on July 30, 1994, my first idea was to become an actor. It seemed like a great idea at the time. Go big or go home, right? I was scared to death of speaking in front of people, but I was excited about all the challenges that acting school would bring.

My father was a top executive at a car manufacturing plant in Illinois and helped me get a part-time job there to supplement my income while I pursued my dream. I only worked Mondays and Fridays and could focus on school the rest of the week. I felt accomplished because I had done my time, left the Army, and learned a lot, but I was excited about the future! Like most young men at twenty-one, I was ready to take on the world.

I was once told that a rocket ship on the way to the moon is off track 97 percent of the time and has to make constant adjustments to stay on course or it will completely miss its target. Our lives are the same way. When I look back to these decisions, I see how important they all were. We have to constantly be changing and adapting to stay on course to our ultimate destination. When life gets stale, it is a sure-tell sign that we have drifted off course. The great news is that we can choose to make adjustments whenever we like. You can reinvent yourself and do a complete 180 turn if that's what gets you back on...