Before You Go

"Never look back unless you are planning to go that way."

— Henry David Thoreau

Most parents would be glad never to have to take their child to the hospital. Hospitals can be noisy, overwhelming, frightening places for children as well as parents. However, being prepared and getting the information you need before taking your child to the hospital can make the experience much easier for you, your child, and the rest of your family.

Is hospitalization necessary?

In emergencies, you may not have time to ask the doctor questions about your child's hospitalization. But, in most circumstances, you can discuss the reasons for hospitalization with your child's doctor in advance. Here are a few important questions to ask when your child's doctor recommends hospitalization:

• Why is hospitalization necessary?

• Which hospital is best for my child?

• Are there any alternatives such as outpatient surgery?

• Who will perform the procedure or surgery?

• Would you explain the procedure or surgery in detail and in language that I understand?

• Are books, pamphlets, or videos available that describe the procedure or surgery?

• Is there a child life specialist on staff who will discuss the hospitalization with my child and answer his questions in advance?

• Will our insurance cover it?

Try to get enough information to help you and your child prepare for medical treatments and procedures. Knowing what to expect will lower your anxiety level as well as your child's.

When Claire had her tonsils out, they did it as an outpatient surgery. At first I was shocked that they were going to send my daughter home after just a few hours, but now I'm so glad they did. I think it's almost always better to be at home if you can be. It's more cost effective and your child can benefit from a familiar environment and the comforts of home.

Get a second opinion

Most doctors welcome consultations and encourage second opinions. There are many gray areas in medicine where judgment and experience are as important as knowledge. In addition, many insurance companies require a second opinion. If, after discussions with the doctor, you are still uneasy about any aspect of your child's medical care, do not hesitate to seek another opinion.

There are two ways to get a second opinion: see another specialist, or ask your child's doctor to arrange a multidisciplinary second opinion. Many parents get a second opinion before moving ahead with any but the most routine or emergency treatment. You do not need to do this in secret. Explain to your child's doctor that, before proceeding, you would like a second opinion.

Try to find an independent doctor to provide the second opinion because it may be tough for doctors who share a practice or regularly give each other referrals to provide entirely objective opinions. To allow for a thorough analysis, arrange to have copies of all records sent ahead to the doctor who will give the second opinion.

Sometimes, with complex illnesses or injuries, a group of specialists will meet to review the case. Ask your doctor about this type of multidisciplinary review if you believe your child needs one.

Parents often hesitate to ask for a second opinion because they are afraid of offending their child's doctor. Your child's doctor should not resent it if you seek a second opinion. If she does resist, explain that you need a second opinion to feel comfortable proceeding with the proposed treatment.

When Ian's doctor recommended surgery to correct his eyes, which were starting to turn in, I was very reluctant to agree because Ian was so young. The doctor told me that without surgery, his eyes could get worse and would not be able to be treated in the future. I talked to a lot of other people and got a second opinion. At that point, we felt much more comfortable going ahead with the surgery.

Find a specialist

Often a hospitalized child will need a specialist to perform surgery, give anesthesia, or provide other treatment. Your choice of specialists may be limited by the hospital, location, time constraints, or insurance restrictions. Usually, your child's pediatrician will recommend an appropriate specialist (e.g., a pediatric surgeon). Make sure that your insurance will cover the specialist you choose.

The following list may help you feel more comfortable with the recommended specialist. If you have time, make sure that your child's specialist:

• Is board-certified. This means that the doctor has passed rigorous written and oral tests given by a board of examiners in his or her specialty. You can call the American Board of Medical Specialties at (866) ASK-ABMS (275-2267) or visit https://www.certificationmatters.org/is-your-doctor-board-certified search-now.aspx to find out if your child's specialist is board certified.

• Establishes a good rapport with your child

• Communicates clearly and compassionately

• Answers all questions in a way that is easy to understand

• Consults with other doctors about complex problems

• Makes all test results available

• Is willing to let you participate in the decision-making process

• Respects your values

Often the specialist your child's doctor recommends is a good match and the family finds him easy to communicate with, competent, and caring. If you don't develop a good rapport with the first specialist recommended to you, ask for or locate another doctor.

We had a wonderful relationship with the specialist at the children's hospital. He perfectly blended the science and art of medicine. His manner was warm, he was extremely qualified professionally, and he was very easy to talk with. He welcomed discussions with us about our daughter's treatment. Although he was busy, we never felt rushed. I laughed when I saw that he had written in the chart, "Mother asks innumerable appropriate questions."

Make a plan

Begin planning your child's hospitalization as soon as you find out that it is necessary. Even a brief hospital stay can be physically draining and emotionally difficult, so take time before the visit to prepare your child and the rest of your family.

• Arrange care for your other children. This should be with someone they know and like who can help the siblings carry on with their normal routine (school, music lessons, sports). Also, child care should be flexible in case you need to stay longer than planned at the hospital.

• Plan how you will keep your household...