Understanding the Divorce Process

Just the word "divorce," standing alone, can evoke an emotional, visceral response. Why? One reason is that at its root, divorce terminates what once represented a loving, mutually beneficial relationship. Although different people have different preconceived notions regarding divorce, frequently, these notions derive from sources that portray divorce in a less than realistic light. Without a frame of reference, the entire process can become overwhelming.

At a time when your life can feel like it's out of control, sometimes the smallest bit of predictability can bring a degree of comfort. The outcome of many aspects of your divorce and consequently your future will remain unknown while your divorce is pending. This lack of certainty may serve as a source of both fear and anxiety.

Most divorces proceed in a step-by-step manner. Despite the issues that are unique to your divorce, you can generally count on one phase of your divorce following the next. Sometimes just realizing you are completing stages and moving forward with your divorce can reassure you that it won't go on forever.

By developing an understanding of the divorce process, you can reduce the anxiety that comes along with being involved in an unfamiliar process. When your attorney starts talking about "depositions," "interrogatories" or "subpoenas," your understanding of the playing field, however basic, will give you the tools to cope. When you understand the function and value of each step in the divorce process, you will be prepared to deal with what comes next.

1.1 What is my first step in seeking a divorce?

Whether you have come to the conclusion to proceed with a divorce, your spouse has informed you of his/her intent to proceed with a divorce or you are merely exploring your options for what may later come to pass, taking the first step often proves difficult. Your divorce represents one of, if not the most, important legal and financial transactions of your life. As with any endeavor, how you start the process can significantly impact the final outcome. It therefore behooves you to take the right first steps, which, in most circumstances involves obtaining legal representation.

While anyone with a valid law license can represent you in a divorce proceeding, there are significant benefits to working with a law firm that handles divorces as a regular part of its law practice. Attorneys with experience in divorce have the knowledge and experience to guide you through the complexities and issues that they encounter on a daily basis.

With the proliferation of website optimization, attorney referral websites and ranking websites, the amount of information available may seem daunting. The attorney who advertises the most may not be the best choice. Oftentimes, the best recommendations come from people who have knowledge of a lawyer's experience and reputation. Regardless of the information you receive from others, it is critical that you select an attorney with whom you feel comfortable and whose approach to your case makes sense to you. You may have to meet with several lawyers before you find the right match.

Before your initial consultation ask what documents the lawyer would like you to bring with you. Make a list of your questions to bring to your first meeting. Start making plans for how you will pay your attorney to begin work on your case.

1.2 Must I have an attorney to get a divorce in Missouri?

No, but it is a good idea to do so. Proceeding without an attorney is not advised. Although not mandatory, hiring an attorney can aid you in innumerable ways. Foremost, an attorney will advise you of your rights and can inform you as to the range of likely outcomes in the event of trial. Very few spouses stand on equal ground with one another when it comes to bargaining power. More often than not, retaining an attorney helps to counteract this disparity and results in better-informed decision-making. Divorce judgments are products of legal proceedings, and carry with them numerous implications for the future including tax consequences, property rights, debt allocation, and indemnification rights. You will be far better served by investing in competent legal representation to insure that these issues are properly addressed than hoping for the best without an attorney.

If you are considering proceeding without an attorney, at a minimum have an initial consultation with an attorney to discuss your rights and duties under the law. Meeting with a lawyer can help you decide whether to proceed on your own. If you elect not to retain counsel, there are resources available through the courts to assist you in the divorce process. The Missouri judiciary at www.selfrepresent.mo.gov has established a webpage with information about self-representation. Call your local courthouse to see whether there is a self-help desk available to provide assistance.

1.3 What steps are taken during the divorce process?

While every person's divorce is unique, as a general matter, the typical divorce in Missouri involves the steps listed below.

• Obtain referrals for several attorneys.

• Schedule appointments for initial consultations with attorneys.

• Prepare a list of questions and gather relevant documents for your initial consultations.

• Meet for initial consultations with several different attorneys.

• Select the attorney that represents the best fit for your goals and approach.

• Carefully review the fee agreement and ask and resolve any questions you may have about its terms before you sign.

• Pay the attorney the agreed-upon fee or advance.

• Provide requested information and documents to your attorney, and take any other actions as advised by the attorney.

• The attorney will prepare the petition for dissolution of marriage, financial disclosures and, if applicable, motions for temporary orders for your review and signature.

• The attorney will prepare and file the petition for dissolution of marriage, and other required documents with clerk of the court.

• In consultation with your attorney, elect the method of how to serve your spouse with the petition for dissolution of marriage and associated paperwork. Service may be obtained via the sheriff, special process server or voluntary entry of appearance by your spouse or his or her attorney.

• After being served or entering their appearance, your spouse has thirty days within which to file responsive pleadings.

• If...