The Gift Is In the Giving

Gnik woke up after a restful night of sleep. He had arrived at his new apartment late in the afternoon the day before. He had unpacked his few belongings, making his tiny place seem more like home. He posted a quick status update to Facebook to let his friends know he had made it to his new home without incident. First day in the city. I feel like a blank slate. Bring it on!

Living away from home and friends for the first time, Gnik stopped at the first coffee shop he saw as his new venture dawned. He smiled to himself. He knew no one there, so he decided to make the best of the situation. A woman, probably a few years older than Gnik, was poring over charts on her iPad; conveniently, a couple of empty chairs surrounded the table where she sat. The black plastic chair directly across from her was lighter than it looked, and when Gnik pulled it back, it almost fell over.

"Excuse me," he began. "Do you mind if I sit here?" The woman nodded without looking up. "Hi. My name is Gnik with a G."

"I'm sorry?" She looked up.

Gnik smiled. "Gnik with a G. What's your name?"

The young woman seemed confused but not irritated at the interruption. "I'm Pam. Pam with a P." She smiled at her joke and took Gnik's outstretched hand, shaking it firmly. Pam noticed the notebooks and the laptop he was carrying. "Nice to meet you, Gnik with a G. And I have to ask about your name. Gnik with a G? Tell me about that."

Gnik prefaced the explanation by noting his father's tendency to "enhance" the facts of his stories. Frankly, Gnik wasn't sure he knew the hard, cold facts.

"Before my parents married, they were quite the socialites. In fact, they first met at a chamber meeting and have continued to be actively involved in various causes and networks. They found that meeting and connecting with people was a lot of fun, and they met some wonderful people as a result."

"So, where did 'Gnik' come from? Did they lose a bet?"

"Apparently, Mom and Dad went to a charity benefit after a particularly stressful week. My father indulged in the sweets — tortes, cakes, truffles, and other treats. He was standing behind the banner over the desserts table, when he looked up and laughed, because the banner read 'Stressed.'

"So, there he was. Stressed and eating desserts, when he realized that 'stressed' spelled backward is 'desserts.' My mom saw him laughing, and after that they started spelling lots of things backward to see what they got.

"At a church event, they were taught to beware of keeping their 'reward' in a 'drawer.' That got them thinking about our last name, Rowten. And then they realized if they called me 'Gnik' my name would be 'networking' spelled backwards. So, the name stuck. I'm not sure how much I believe it, but that's the story I've been told. The thing is, it's been a great way for me to break the ice when I meet people." He winked. "It worked, didn't it?"

Pam chuckled. "Yeah, I have to admit that it's a great way to start a conversation. It snapped me right out of my zombie zone. So, Gnik with a G, what do you do?"

Gnik swallowed hard. I have a pretty good idea what I want to do, but I don't do anything yet. That's why I've moved here — to get a new start. How can I answer that question without sounding like a loser?

Gnik decided to just dive in, be honest about his situation, and see where it led. He explained to Pam that he'd moved here to make a new start, and, while he hadn't completely ruled anything out, he was thinking about starting a marketing firm. "I've been a marketing support associate for the past year and a half, and I have a pretty good feel for the industry. For a while, now, I've been gathering information to set out on my own." As he shared what he'd done before the move and how it had turned out to be a dead end, he realized the conversation was becoming very one-sided and stopped talking abruptly.

"Gnik," Pam started, smiling knowingly. She reached across the table and touched one of Gnik's notepads. "I understand how you're feeling. Can I give you some feedback?"

Gnik felt an uncomfortable knot forming in his stomach but nodded for Pam to continue.

"The only person who knows what you want is you. The only person who knows who you really are is you. You're just like me and everyone else in this city. We all want to be someone. We all want to have something. But guess what's different between you and them?"

Gnik sat back and closed his eyes, pensively. He didn't understand Pam's riddle.

Pam continued, "If you look for it, you'll see a lot of people who are clawing their way to the top. Lots of people will step on your or my or anyone else's toes to get to where they think they should be. But not you. No, you're different."

A smile crept across Gnik's face. "I am? Yeah. I am. But ... how am I different?"

"Let me ask you a question," Pam said. "I snuck a look as you ordered your coffee, and I noticed what you dropped into the barista's tip jar. Most people I watch will drop their change into the jar — if they give anything. But not you. You reached into your pocket for a bill. Why?"

Gnik's face began to flush, and his cheeks grew warm. "I don't know. I guess I wanted to show a little appreciation to a guy who seems to be working hard for a living."

"And," Pam said, slowly, "think about how you felt after dropping the tip into the jar. Remember, I saw the whole thing."

"What do you mean?"

"You did something unexpected and very nice for someone you didn't know. Think. How did you feel?"

Gnik grew more embarrassed. He mumbled, "It felt good."

Gnik shifted in his seat while Pam began to gather her belongings. As he looked into her eyes, Gnik felt more confident. "Good. It felt good."

Pam stood up and apologized. "I'm sorry — I just realized I'm running late for a meeting. But think about that. Think about what you got out of giving the barista a generous tip. I hope we can continue this conversation soon. I'm here almost every morning." To reinforce her desire to reconnect, Pam dropped her business card on the table.

Gnik politely stood as Pam left. He pondered Pam's parting words. What did I get out of that? Was I truly selfless by giving that tip? Or did I expect something more? He felt like he was on the brink of something significant, but it...