Adults' Feelings and Actions

Biting: A Tremendous Challenge

Biting is one of the most challenging behavior problems faced by parents and caregivers. Even the most experienced of early childhood educators struggle with persistent biting among toddlers, twos, and young preschoolers. A child who frequently bites creates severe stress for adults and can wreak havoc on an entire family or early childhood program. No other type of childhood aggression engenders the same kind of reaction from adults. Other children may be aggressive by pushing, kicking, hitting, or scratching, but they rarely get kicked out of the program for these behaviors. Biting, on the other hand, raises a huge red flag. Parents of both the child who bites and the child who is bitten are frantic and desperate for a speedy solution.

Parents and caregivers must work together

Dealing with a child who bites engenders a slew of difficult feelings, from blame and shame to confusion and anger. All of these can inhibit effective responses. Ideally, all adults who work with a child who bites will empathize with each other. They will act in a concerted, cohesive manner, leaving behind their own emotional baggage. It is important to appreciate and acknowledge each other's point of view and work together for the child's benefit. Using this book together will provide a road map for combining your efforts, making real progress to help the child and resolve the situation.

Track record for solving biting challenges

I am happy to say that throughout my consulting practice, when teachers and parents have used the methods in this book honestly and consistently, biting cases were resolved positively and very quickly.

While most of this book focuses on biting, these same techniques can be applied to any type of hurtful behavior. In fact, even if they aren't concerned with biting, parents, caregivers, and teachers will find valuable information for understanding young children, as well as many techniques for proactively preventing various problem behaviors from ever developing. As I always say, if you can handle biting, you can handle anything!

Life with toddlers and twos

Toddlers and twos are relentlessly curious about other people, but at this age, they have little concept of anyone else's needs and wants. They are truly self-centered. When things don't go for them as expected, depending on their personality some are prone to act out or fight back through physical actions that can prove seriously hurtful to others. Impulse control is immature at this stage of development. Given certain circumstances, some children begin to rely on biting or aggression as a typical reaction to stress, especially in group settings.

Being with toddlers and two-year-olds is much like being on a rollercoaster ride, whether you are the parent, caregiver, or teacher. It can be awfully tough to maintain your balance. It's hard to be completely prepared for what you will find around the next bend. While children at this age are often hysterically funny and exhilarating to be around, you literally cannot take your eyes off of them because they are so likely to inadvertently get into trouble. Even though they have no concept of safety and don't know their physical limitations, they now have the physical capability to get pretty much anywhere on their own steam in a split second. It is exhausting trying to keep up with their boundless energy and curious nature! While they become more energetic, we grow more tired. Maybe toddlers have so much energy because they magically drain it right out of the adults in their lives!

How parents of children who bite feel

Parents are typically embarrassed by their child's behavior and at a loss as to how to stop it. Being responsible for behavior they cannot control is incredibly distressing. They may even feel ostracized by other parents. Some parents of children who bite overreact by instituting rigid punishments at home, continuing them long after the incident has passed. Others take the offensive, casting all blame on caregivers or on the early childhood program. Some may jump to the conclusion that their child has developmental issues. And others are ashamed, apologetic, and grateful to be in a program at all under these circumstances, bending over backwards to take any advice offered.

Some parents had their child evicted from child care before or have gone through several nannies. They may be afraid of losing their job, having had to miss many days of work due to lengthy child care searches. They may be worried about their child's social development, since these children are often shunned by other families, not invited to birthday parties and weekend playdates. While at work, parents may live in constant fear of getting another call from the caregiver asking to them to pick up the child who bit ... again. Or, at the end of the day, they may feel anxious to encounter yet another incident report and the accompanying glare of the other parents.

How parents of bitten children feel

These parents may be outraged by their child's injury and concerned about permanent scarring, infection, or disease. They feel terrible because they are unable to protect their child and anxious about what they will encounter at the end of each day. At work, they live in fear of getting another call from the nanny or early childhood program, reporting yet another incident. Feelings of blame are common, as are...