Florida


florida lay there before us
swollen
this driver and me
rolling into a sure ghetto
neon jacksonville ghetto
to get a car
taxi was rattling smoke
shot up with seats ripped
we rolled into the lot
and
streetlamp-outlined men
standing up in a row
braced
each on a corner
body language loud
saying listen they had it
firearms
street pharmaceuticals
and when our eyes met
palms
blurred
smokeburns
electrical fires
sky ripping those whitecotton
clouds up
in some deep-ass blue
the too-deep sea
never-going-to-see-land-again deep
sky
lost-at-sea deep sky blur
just over there
that
i could see total anger moans
calm rage
lamps without shades
drywall tears
a history of night hours
and
in that moment
some clenched fists
they broke my bones
like
a light
falling off a night table
and like the rats we all are
florida
florida spat me out
but
i kept my breath
slow
a little girl at the bottom of the stairs
scowled
surrounded by night shade
shadow wall bricks
hidden in a mossy
funk
in a row on the second floor
landing
in the cement block apartment rise
some half-dressed bodies lit
up
christmas trees these men
were
streetlamp damp
sweating hard
guns near
in the nightpools
she
stared through me
like i was meat
she
held a plastic uzi
in a room staring
like they were eating through my skin
and
without a nod
without a tip
we slid very quietly into the butterscotch
grand prix
the driver and me
under the moons
screaming inside maybe
inside the rooms
with television blurs
circling us and circling it
that car
all armor-alled up and smelling like grease
and
like bad stuff or like something
like forget it
we got in
all of a sudden
he stopped asking me about the money
which was scary
he knew
i knew
he knew
i had that money
and
in your mind you go bloody feet
barely alive screaming for your neighborhood life
out of that place
but
she called
and
he answered
and
something pulled him triggered his heart
click
guiding him smiling to the freeway
no taxi
his nephew's car
butterscotch grand prix
and
off the highway in a
fast food parking lot
the driver pulled me in
hands over my shrugging
sides
delivered me like a wish
as i forked over a little more than bargained
forgot about landing in the wrong city
  that airport dry rotting
forgot about meeting
  her father her father so decent his grill smoking
forgot about the mosquito bites
  pine halls those castle walls of wood
forgot about myself
and
i was just happy to be home
i was happy
to remember who i really was
and
you know
i see that sky still
it reminds me of a dishrag rolled with heavy dew
and
palmettos exploding oranges
that
florida sky emitting total life
and total death
and
me on the fresh steps to
dropping all the bags
arms out
receiving
my destiny
and
hope
in several phases of doubts
colored
somehow
with love


Fruit-Rotting

once in coins subwayesque
we paid
all the way uptown
back in the skeleton-eye
like,
  "hey hey hey gotta
  keep up now"
somebody would shout
sweating
beautiful
on the shitty rushing chinatown
streets
glistening bodies yellow mash
sunrocked
those days ...
but
now we are old and in us
drugs rot
like
we are dirty
like our insides are paying
for our sins and not us
our insides like a cross
fruit-rotting
sun-diving
we are eagles now
    beautiful
  and we
we feast on what we like
  lucky ones
so so lucky so lucky
imagine if one of us,
um, found out
one of our best friends had died
overdose-cop-call on an empty bed
or worse
all of us lied
  more
some of us got free on the dust
falling out of the bags
meant for a sick sunday
  or
one of us betrayed the animals
let loose in the disco metal farm
  we
  are
lucky
count-your-wishes-and-stars lucky
now we are old and going for more
we are dirty
like our insides went to work for us
for every night we spent in the throws
throwing up diamonds and trust funds
our souls eternal for those nights
and we felt it
a real disco polaroid
  famous wasted
    eternal buzz
      so rocked
but inside it was all a joke
hahahahaha
  and we
we were a joke just all sped up
and neon
and ugly
  like sharks
  in shiny dresses
  minus leeches
  us, and our
bowls of fruit
fruitcake-dreaming
  but
full of disco-lies and
fucking each other
disgusting
our souls
shining hard in valhalla
but inside
we were lying
and
while we were not busy with the snake
or the unicorn-rainbow hallucinations
if we sat down for even one moment
we knew
once we got home
our insides
t2hey would pay for our sins
while we sat on the window-bed-nook
under a peach-rind quilt
suffering a loss
    we was
bright and alive once
    we was
  was
but now
now;
  just steeped in self juice
and balloon-popped
yellow-yucked
and fucked up
white-wine dinnered
and
disgusting crossworded
all of us
totally
sucking
and
stuck
our insides like a cross
sun-diving
  and
fruit-rotting


Dope Camera

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