Patrick Keating was born in Dublin in 1953 and can remember nothing prior to that date.

He attended school in Yorkshire and was the finest centre half and boy soprano that Whitby Road Junior ever produced, but had eventually to give up both activities due to sudden loss of ball control.

His future in the medical profession seemed assured from the age of ten when his essay 'Things I want to do when I grow up' forced his teacher Miss Machin to take early retirement.

He acquired his degree in Medicine in 1980 through the post while working as a pool attendant in Forth Worth, Texas, and he has pursued his career with the same dogged enthusiasm ever since.

He is currently engaged in medical research into the marked correlation between pre-senile dementia and voting Conservative.

This slender tome and coffee table 'must' is intended to give the aspiring medico a glance at the opposition, some of the rules and pitfalls and a few of the tactics used by the more experienced. Thus armed, you will tread through your future career as sure of foot as a blindfolded steel erector in high heels.
Bluffer's Guides is a series of snappy little books containing facts, jargon, and all you need to know for instant expertise.

ER
The doctor in casualty is expected to examine, diagnose and treat more patients per hour than the average person serving in McDonald's. At the end of eight hours of this you feel like walking into moving traffic. The only thing that stops you is the depressing thought that the ambulance would bring you straight back again.

Rubber gloves
Just the sound of the doctor snapping gloves on is enough to strike fear into the bowels of any patient. If they are giving you a hard time, put them on and you will get their undivided attention.

Scalpel please
As a junior you will be required to assist the surgeon in such exciting tasks as cutting sutures to the required length and holding bits of surgical ironmongery for hours, well away from the interesting bits. When your mind is sufficiently far removed, the surgeon will usually ask you to identify a portion of anatomy that looks as if a hyena has been at it.

Prognostication
In radiology, promotion, if not stardom, will be assured if you can come up with any diagnosis from a picture that looks to the uninitiated like an airborne photo of the East London docks taken at night.