Touchstone One]

Open to the Presence of Your Loss

In the companion text ...

We discussed the necessity of opening to the presence of your loss. To heal in grief, you must honor — not avoid — the pain. One way to embrace the pain while at the same time maintaining hope for the future is by setting your intention to heal. Even as you embrace your pain and set your intention to heal, remember that healing in grief does not happen quickly or efficiently. Also remember that the common perception of "doing well" in grief is erroneous. To "do well" with your grief, you must not be strong and silent, but rather mourn openly and honestly.

As you were reading Understanding Your Suicide Grief, you discovered that honoring your grief means "recognizing the value of" and "respecting" your grief. You learned that while it is not instinctive to view the grief that follows a death to suicide as something you want to honor, this death requires that you mourn. You also learned that it is not self-destructive or harmful. It is self-sustaining and life-giving!

HONORING YOUR GRIEF

Describe any ways in which you have honored your grief. If you feel you have not been honoring your grief, write about ways you could be doing so.

________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________

DOSING YOUR PAIN

The pain of your grief will keep trying to get your attention until you have the courage to gently, and in small doses, embrace it. How is the pain of your grief trying to get your attention? (See p. 27 of Understanding Your Suicide Grief for a definition of dosing your pain.)

____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________

SOUL WORK AND SPIRIT WORK

You have learned that there is an important distinction between "soul work" and "spirit work." In addition, you now realize that "soul work" precedes "spirit work" on the path to integrating this loss into your life. Where do you see yourself right now in this process that you are now aware you must experience?

________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________

SETTING YOUR INTENTION TO HEAL

When you set your intention to heal, you make a true commitment to positively influence the course of your journey. You choose between being what I would call a "passive witness" to your grief or an "active participant" in your grief. Describe below your understanding of the difference between being a "passive witness" to your grief or an "active participant" in your grief:

________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________

INTEGRATING YOUR SUICIDE GRIEF

You learned that when you set your intention to heal, you make a true commitment to positively influence the course of your journey. Use the space below to explore your intention to heal in grief.

________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________

NO REWARD FOR SPEED

Reconciling your grief does not happen quickly or efficiently. How do you feel about your capacity to go slow and be patient with yourself in your journey through grief?

_______________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________

SHOCK VERSUS DENIAL

You learned there is a real difference between shock and long-term denial. You learned there are different sub-types of denial. Explore any thoughts you have related to this topic.

________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________

FACE ANY INAPPROPRIATE EXPECTATIONS

Sometimes people who are openly mourning feel ashamed of their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Do you feel any sense of shame or embarrassment about how your grief feels or how you are mourning? If so, write about it below.

________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________

GRIEF IS NOT A DISEASE

While grief is a powerful experience, so, too, is your ability to help in your own healing.

Write about any steps you've taken (even baby steps!) to help yourself begin to heal.

______________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________

Touchstone Two

Dispel the Misconceptions About Suicide and Grief and Mourning

In the companion text ...

We discovered that many of the perceptions we may have had — and society often teaches us — about suicide and grief and mourning aren't true at all. For example, grief does NOT progress in predictable, orderly stages. And tears aren't a sign of weakness; actually, they're a form of mourning and they are natural and necessary. Many misconceptions color our expectations about grief. The trick is to sort out the fact from the fiction and grieve and mourn in healthy, authentic ways.

MISCONCEPTION 1: Grief and mourning are the same thing.

Did you used to think that grief and mourning were the same thing? If so, how has this misconception affected you?

________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________

Now that we've explored the difference between grief and mourning, how will you mourn this death — that is, openly and honestly express your...