Ritual One

Use of Photographs in Ritual

In brief:

Show a photo or photos of the person who has died to the individual with a disability and talk about the person to help the individual mourn the loss. If the individual with a disability is nonverbal, the facilitator can verbalize "for the individual" about the loss.

Materials:

A photo or photos of the person who died.

Directions:

If the ritual is done in a classroom environment, have the students and others (with and without developmental disabilities) gather in a circle in the classroom, outdoors or in an environment where the students most often interacted with the person who died. Such environments may include the cafeteria if the person who died was a cook at the school or the music room if the person who died was a music teacher.

After the individuals have gathered, pass a photo of the person who died from person to person around the circle. Each person who holds the picture talks about the person while looking at it. Each person could say whatever they are thinking or feeling while looking at the photo. They could also say a word that comes to their mind.

If an individual in the circle is unable to verbalize her thoughts and feelings, a person who is able to speak (a facilitator) can "speak for" the individual holding the picture. The facilitator may say something they remember about an interaction between the individual and the person who died. For example, "I remember when Joe (the person who died) helped Elena (the individual with a developmental disability) paint a picture. I also remember Joe and Elena laughing while they painted."

If the ritual is done in a home environment, the gathering could be done at a kitchen table, in a family room or outdoors. Again, each person in the group (with and without disabilities) would take a turn holding the photo and talking about the person who died.

Example: Kari, a student in a high school class for people with severe and profound developmental disabilities, had lived with severe health complications since birth. Most of the students in her class had been together since elementary school and knew each other very well. They were aware of Kari's health difficulties. In February of the year, Kari's health began to deteriorate quickly. She was hospitalized for several days and then she died.

The day following Kari's death, the teacher sat with the students and told them the news. They were all aware that Kari might die soon because the teacher had kept the students updated on Kari's situation. The students, teacher, and assistants cried together and talked about Kari and what she meant to each of them. After the visitation and funeral, which only a few of the students attended, the teacher decided that it might be healing for the entire class to do a ritual at school.

The following morning, the students gathered in a circle. The teacher had a picture of Kari that had been taken for the school yearbook. The teacher invited the students and assistants to take turns holding the photo and saying whatever they wanted about Kari. The teacher started; she held the picture and said, "I will always remember Kari's smile." She passed the photo to a student sitting to her left. The student took the photo and looking at it said, "Friend Kari, friend." The picture continued to be passed around the circle. When it came to Anna, a student who was nonverbal, the teacher sat next to Anna and, as Anna held the picture, the teacher said, "Kari would sit with Anna and laugh." Anna smiled.

After the picture had been passed around the entire circle, the teacher asked if anyone would like another turn to say anything. One student took another turn and then the group sat in silence for a few moments prior to moving away from the circle and continuing on with their day.

Ritual Two

Using Storytelling in Ritual

In brief:

Write a story about the person who has died in collaboration with the individual with a disability.

Materials:

Paper and writing utensil (pen or pencil) or a computer to write a story about the person who died.

Directions:

Write a story about the person who died in collaboration with the individual. After the story is written, read it to and discuss it with the individual. It may be most beneficial to co-write the story with the individual with a developmental disability if she or he is able to assist in the writing. If the individual is unable to assist in the writing, the facilitator can write the story independently.

If the facilitator writes the story independently, it may be helpful for the facilitator writing the story to verbalize his story-writing process while the individual with a disability is present. For example:

"I want to write a story about Kim - let's see - Kim taught at this high school, so I will write 'Kim Jackson taught at Hill High School.' OK, what else? Well, Kim loved her students - in fact I don't know anyone who loved students as much as Kim did - I'll write, 'Kim loved to see her students each morning. She would stand at the door and say good morning to each student as they came to the room.' OK, that's good. I also need to write about how her students felt about her: 'Kim's students liked Kim, too. They said that Kim was a nice teacher and they learned a lot from her.' Now I want to write about the day that Kim died - that is difficult, but I feel it's important. OK - 'One day, the students came to school, but Kim was not at the door. The students were worried. Jeff Miller was their teacher for the day. He sat down with the students and told the students that Kim was not going to come back to school. He told them that Kim died in a car accident. ' Yes, that's what happened. I think I want to write what 'died' means. He said that 'being dead means that Kim's body doesn't work anymore. Kim cannot see or taste or feel anything.'"

It certainly depends on the ability of the individual as to how long and involved the story would be written. This type of story could also be used to describe...