How to Lead

Tasks, Qualities, and Skills of an Effective Leader

A support group leader serves the group by enabling members to achieve the purpose of the support group. That purpose is generally to create a safe place for people to do the work of mourning in a way that allows them to reconcile the loss and go on to find continued meaning in life and living. Sensitive, skilled leadership is often a vital link to a group's fulfillment of its goals.

Obviously, your specific support group may have varying purposes and goals that guide its existence. No matter the goals, however, the group leader's responsibilities remain largely the same. They are responsible for assisting the group in:

• determining the group's purpose

• outlining the group's structure and length

• pre-screening potential members

• clarifying expectations and assisting in the development of group ground rules

• organizing details

Now let's explore some of the specific tasks that are often a part of a bereavement support group leader's job description. Again, keep in mind that every group has its own unique requirements.

• Articulating a guiding philosophy: Identifying the basic tenets (theoretical orientation) that guide your "way of being" and providing a rationale for any skills or techniques you make use of in group.

• Planning and leading group meetings: Preparing for, organizing, and facilitating the group meetings.

• Listening: To model and to be an effective listener, you must really hear and allow participants to "teach you" and each other what they are thinking and feeling.

• Understanding and facilitating group process: Having knowledge of and being skilled in facilitating group process. (I cannot emphasize enough the importance of leaders getting some fundamental training, not only in the grief process, but also in group process.)

• Modeling openness and caring: Providing a role model by being warm, caring, and empathetic and by consciously seeking ways to help the group achieve its purpose.

• Remaining flexible: Having an awareness of the need to modify the group activities and skills to fit the unique needs of a specific group or a specific meeting.

• Being responsive to conflicts and problems that evolve: Guiding the group through difficulties that may come up and responding appropriately to destructive behavior in the group.

• Learning about effective group leadership roles: Participating in training opportunities that allow you to assess current skills and develop new ones.

• Following up with members outside of the group: Some members will appreciate opportunities to talk individually, while others may need referral for a counseling relationship. It is also the group leader's responsibility to help members transfer learning in the group to daily life.

• Evaluating group progress: Monitoring the group's capacity to achieve its purpose and make any changes to improve this process.

Let me emphasize how important your job description as a group leader is. It should outline your understanding of the specific responsibilities you have as a leader. If you don't have a job description, create one using the above information as a model. This will help you: 1) clarify the details of your role as a group leader; 2) help you get started in your new role; and 3) avoid unstated expectations. A "seat of the pants" orientation to group facilitation is dangerous and minimizes your responsibility as a leader. With appropriate preparation and training, your leadership role will be both satisfying and enjoyable.

Basic needs of grief support group members

• Each member must understand the purpose of the group.

• Each member must feel a sense of belonging and acceptance.

• Each member must feel understood.

• Each member must be aware of and respectful of the ground rules.

• Each member must feel encouraged to be an active participant in the group (while respecting "quiet" members).

• Each member must be able to see the face of other members (so arrange the seating appropriately).

Grief support group leader qualities

One of the foundations of good support group leadership is communication. To be helpful to your group members, you must communicate with them effectively and make them feel cared for.

We all have probably observed people whom we would call "natural helpers." Actually, the helping skills that seem so natural to them are more likely characteristics and qualities they have learned and developed over time. The most important quality is empathy, but there are others described below, as well. You, too, have the capacity to learn and make use of these helping qualities.

Empathy

Empathy is the ability to perceive another's experience and then — this is the key — communicate that perception back to the person. As a support group leader, I listen to you, and though I cannot experience your experience, I begin to have a mental picture of the essence of what you are describing.

Perhaps the most vital part of this characteristic is the ability to convey accurate empathy. Empathetic responsiveness requires the ability to go beyond factual detail and to become involved in the other person's feeling world, but always with the "as if" quality of taking another's role without personally experiencing what the other person experiences. (If you actually experienced the same emotions as the person you are trying to help, you would be over-involved.) To have empathy for another person does not constitute the direct expression of one's own feelings, but rather focuses exclusively on the feelings expressed by another, thereby conveying an understanding of them.

You know that empathy has been communicated when your group members feel that you "understand." As you know, to say simply "I understand how you feel" is not enough. The response goes beyond the "I understand how you feel" level to the "You really are feeling a sense of loss" level. In other words, empathy is communicated both verbally and nonverbally by understanding the person at the emotional level.

Respect

Respect is your ability to communicate your belief that everyone has the inherent capacity and right to choose and make decisions. Respect...