Tonchstone One

Open to the Presence of Your Loss

In this chapter in the companion text ...

We discussed the necessity of opening to the presence of your loss. To heal in grief, you must honor — not avoid — the pain. One way to embrace the pain while at the same time maintaining hope for the future is by setting your intention to heal. Even as you embrace your pain and set your intention to heal, remember that healing in grief does not happen quickly or efficiently. Also remember that the common perception of "doing well" in grief is erroneous. To "do well" with your grief, you must not be strong and silent, but rather mourn openly and honestly.

As you were reading Understanding Your Grief, you discovered that honoring your grief means, in part, "remembering the value of, cherishing, and holding dear."

Describe any ways in which you have honored your grief. If you feel you have not been honoring your grief, write about ways you could begin to do so.

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Setting Your Intention to Heal

The pain of your grief will keep trying to get your attention until you have the courage to gently, and in small doses, embrace it. How is the pain of your grief trying to get your attention?

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When you set your intention to heal, you make a true commitment to positively influence the course of your journey. You choose between being what I would call a "passive witness" to your grief or an "active participant" in your grief.

Describe below your understanding of the difference between being a "passive witness" to your grief or an "active participant" in your grief:

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You learned that when you set your intention to heal, you make a true commitment to positively influence the course of your journey. Use the space below to explore your intention or intentions to heal in grief.

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Making Grief Your Friend

"I can continue to love while I continue to mourn." Do you agree with this statement? Why or why not?

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No Reward for Speed

Reconciling your grief does not happen quickly or efficiently. How do you feel about your capacity to go slow and be patient with yourself in your journey through grief?

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"Doing Well" With Your Grief

Sometimes people who are openly mourning feel ashamed of their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Do you feel any sense of shame or embarrassment about how your grief feels or how you are mourning? If so, write about it below.

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Grief Is Not A Disease

While grief is a powerful experience, so, too, is your ability to help in your own healing. Write about any steps you've taken (even baby steps!) to help yourself begin to heal.

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Free Write

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Tonchstone Two

Dispel the Misconceptions About Grief

In this chapter in the companion text ...

We discovered that many of the perceptions we may have had — and society often teaches us — about grief and mourning aren't true at all. For example, grief does NOT progress in predictable, orderly stages. And tears aren't a sign of weakness; actually, they're a form of mourning and they are natural and necessary. Many misconceptions color our expectations about grief. The trick is to sort out the fact from the fiction and grieve and mourn in healthy, authentic ways.

Misconception 1: Grief and mouning are the same thing.

Did you used to think that grief and mourning were the same thing? If so, how has this misconception affected you?

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Now that we've explored the difference between grief and mourning, how will you mourn this death — that is, openly and honestly express your grief outside of yourself?

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Do you see yourself having difficulty with expressing your grief outside of yourself (mourning) in any ways? If so, what ways?

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Misconception 2: Grief and mouning progress in predictable, orderly...