Clearing the Air: Personal hygiene and appearance

In order to turn the intimate 'summit' into an enjoyable, sensual and exciting experience, it is important to pay attention to a number of hygiene rules that will 'clear the air.' If you don't pay attention to these minor details, Karius' and Bactus' cousins, 'The Stickies,' will likely be invited to your private party, which will cause 'Slow,' who is tight with your partner to seem like a cautious Secret Service invasion – covered with a gas mask as they enter an area infected with tuberculosis. If you don't want sex to end before it begins, you should be considerate of the leading players on this 'athletic field' – some of whom are more famous than others.

Polishing Wax

The first people on the 'Clean the Air' ladder are, of course, 'Mister Clean' and 'Miss Aroma' – who set the main tone for any contact between two people, and especially between those intending to 'take down the dividers' and get thoroughly acquainted with one another's secret hiding places.

A few little soap bubbles

If you want to avoid imposing 'your tough day' onto the shoulder of your excited partner, make sure to shower before every sexual interaction. Also, be sure to foam up at least twice so that the crotch area and genitals smell nice before the imminent 'liquid transfer.' Our suggestion, to both the women and men out there, is to do a 'two-stage wash' in the lively 'activity' area. Shampoo of any type will give you the most thorough lathering.

'Two-stage washing' is as simple as it sounds:

a Wet the area with water.

b Lather up using shampoo.

c Rinse again with water.

d Lather up a second time with shampoo.

e Final rinsing with water.

Training the rebellious

If you girls have given up because of frequent rinsing and the 'fragrance' that sneaks out from between your legs, let me tell you about an amazingly effective product that gets rid of acidity from the genitals and turns your rebellious Angelina into an especially clean and aromatic maiden. It is called intimate cleanser (or feminine wash). This patented invention makes 'fragranced intruders' evaporate almost completely from our Norwegian princess. A single use of this blessed product is worth four intensive showers with regular soap. So, basically, we enable noble Angelina to enjoy maximum sterilization with minimum effort.

Many companies produce the intimate soap – some of them are good, others are better; we will leave it up to you, girls of the beautiful gender, to trial and error until you find the product that best and most effectively works for you.

Remember

'Scrubbing and polishing' Angelina will encourage your partner to wholeheartedly take her in, strum on her with his beloved fingers and give her 'French kisses' with his skilled tongue.

Important note

Frequent, long-term use of the intimate cleanser is not healthy. So, it is not recommended to 'condition' Angelina with it for a long period of time. However, to prevent any sudden hesitation by your enthusiastic partner from licking your 'sweet honey,' make sure to use it before the 'summit.'

The Scent Department

The secondary actors in this significant department are: perfume, deodorant, aftershave (for men), etc. They are important and influential – both before sex and in everyday life. We highly recommend that both genders make frequent and habitual use of them. The goal is to maintain basic hygiene, smell good and allow other people to have a conversation with you through their mouth and not from afar, while using a 'walkie-talkie'.

These things are also relevant (and essential) before sex. The use of each of these secondary actors is particularly critical, as we haven't yet heard of an alternative for having intimate contact through a remote control (unless you're a virtual sex fiend, but you didn't purchase this book for that reason ...).

Fisherman's Syndrome

In order to separate us from the animals with flippers and gills, a dandruff problem should be dealt with.

Dandruff is dry skin that falls off of the scalp, and is likely to cover your head with a very unappealing rash.

To deal with a light dandruff problem, you can (and should) use a shampoo that prevents dandruff (of which many exist); in more severe cases, you should visit a dermatologist.

Pooh Bear and the Honeycomb

If there is anything that can discourage a partner, it is excess dirt in the ears. As they come to give you 'culinary treatment' in the ear, they will be shocked to discover bitter residue in the place of a nice, soft piece of meat. Therefore, before the 'summit,' we highly recommend making sure to clean your ears.

Sweat is thick with water

Perspiration is a very sensitive stethoscope able to identify the type of food you ate today, or even yesterday. Foods with garlic, onion, or curry affect your sweat and will cause your bodies to emit a strong and suffocating odor exactly at the critical moment.

So, we highly recommend that you avoid eating these ingredients the day before the wild dance – as much as possible. Despite praise garlic has won from conventional medicine, our research proves that its ability to chase away a partner is more effective than its ability to chase off bacteria ...

Drunk, and not from wine or the 'Space Odyssey'

After waking up or eating something spicy, your mouth cavity will often be enveloped with a heavy odor that carries distances. Therefore, in addition to a meticulous mouth cleansing, take a piece of advice from your amigo and chew a piece of gum about ten minutes before your important date and about fifteen minutes before the 'summit.'

For those that wake up together or enjoy an entire day as a team (since the mouth begins to accumulate unpleasant smells during the evening hours), we recommend picking up the cup of juice awaiting you by the bedside and reducing the mouth odor before a much awaited kiss ...

In acute cases, when the juice's smell has died out, you can begin to wander with your mouth toward other areas of your partner's body, which may 'sniff' a bit, but lack a sense of smell ...

Important note

Chronic odor is defined as a medical problem. Those suffering from it should go to the Ear, Nose & Throat (ENT) Doctor to get quick, effective treatment.

Did you know?

Eating parsley and drinking a lot of water help to get rid of unpleasant mouth odors.

Lubrication Oil (Lube)

A no-less critical stage in preparing for the upcoming 'Summit' deals with hygiene and softening the 'coarse sands' of the 'conquered' territory. Rough skin is...