Force of Habit: Unleash Your Power By Developing Great Habits - Softcover

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Tamsin Astor, PhD helps busy professionals organize themselves so they have time for what they need and want, and time for fun. She is your Chief Habit Scientist, wrangling your habits around sleep, exercise and& eating through a lens of mindfulness and relationship management. We make tens of thousands of decisions every day, so if we can create connections between the habits that serve us well, thus reducing the number of choices we make, we free up lots of time.

Tamsin utilizes a broad array of both Eastern and Western skills from her extensive training (PhD, Advanced Registered Yoga Teacher - RYT500, Certified Living Ayurveda, Certified Executive Coach and Certified Yoga Health Coach) and background (Neuroscience, Psychology & Education research, teaching, 10+ years meditation-practioner, parenting a child with cancer, a child with ADHD, coaching) to guide clients through change related to their careers, relationships, physical and emotional health.

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Your Evolutionary Journey and the Supporter Some people in your life will notice the changes―abundance, radiant energy, shining eyes, clear skin, positivity, a healthy mind-body relationship ―and think, “I’ll have what she’s having.” (That’s a When Harry Met Sally reference, in case you didn’t catch it!) If you create the time and space for connection and deep conversation around your evolutionary shifts, then your friends, family, and partner might start to join you on the path―particularly if you look happier, shine forth an energy that is strong and clear, and demonstrate clear benefits from these changes that you’ve made. One of the most important aspects of these shifts is creating the time to have the right kind of conversation, so you can see how the people in your life can support you as you evolve. Understanding conversational intelligence―the different kinds of conversation and then how to create the space for the right kind of conversation―can be really helpful. Conversational Intelligence When you talk to other people, pay attention to how you talk. Author and organizational anthropologist, Judith Glaser studies Conversational Intelligence and talks about three different levels of conversations. The first is transactional―we exchange information. The second is promotional―we promote a certain idea and work on convincing the other party on its validity. The third is transformational―we create a nonjudgmental space of comfort and we co-create. When we talk, we are navigating back and forth between trust and distrust, between the more-evolved frontal cortex (where we are cultivating empathy and connection) and the limbic system, and the cortisol-producing and fear part of the brain. This is where the magic happens: when we can keep ourselves in the empathic trust part of the brain! But, as a busy mom of three, I often find that I am more focused on the first and second types when I am parenting, and on the third when I am coaching or in a deep and meaningful discussion with a friend. I think what was difficult for my ex-husband and me was that we struggled to find the time to have the pure transformational conversation that we needed. We got bogged down in the transactional and promotional conversations instead. But, the transformational level is where the deep connection happens. In fact, you could say that the transformational level is simply a different kind of conversation―it’s a conversation where we are listening to connect, not to judge or evaluate. That can be SO much harder in some settings and requires a real commitment to NOT let the other kinds of conversations become interlopers! “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” ― Epictetus How to Improve Your Chances of Cultivating a Supporter Schedule it and do it regularly. Check in, describe why you are making these changes, and describe the positive effects they are bringing to your life. Make sure you check in once a month or so. Timing is everything. Having a discussion with someone at 10:00 p.m. about the fact that they denigrate your life choices will not result in good sleep. Schedule a walk on Sunday afternoon or tea on Monday morning to have this conversation. Reactive vs. intentional. Try not to have this conversation in response to an argument. I had to work on this―quite a few people in my life are avid meat and dairy consumers and will repeatedly make comments about how I am not normal, I am weird, etc., for basing my meals around plants. When I react and get angry in that moment, it doesn’t resolve the issue. Having intentional conversations, when everyone is calm, works much better! Explain your big why: Telling people why this is important to you, why you care about it, and what results you are finding as you make these shifts will help to frame the evolution.