Silent Signals: Observing Subtle and Not-So-Subtle Cues

Director of Purchasing Sharma Modi quietly observed the vendor sitting in front of him. Bill Walters was asking Sharma to make a significant investment in his products. Sharma observed Bill's body language. Bill shifted in his seat every few minutes. His hands trembled when he reached for his coffee cup. There was a thin sheen of perspiration on his face. Sharma said, "Bill, I have a feeling this sale means a lot to you." "Oh no," Bill replied. "We have plenty of business." After thinking about what he observed, Sharma made an offer that was substantially less than what Bill requested. Bill hesitated and then said, "Fine, let's do the deal."

In this situation, Sharma noted Bill's signs of anxiety. Even though Bill actually stated that, "Oh no, we have plenty of business," that was likely not the case based on his body language. Bill truly did need the business. Sharma revised the offer based on that knowledge. In this chapter, you'll discover how to use what you sense and see in a negotiation based on the body language that you discern.

Body Language as Nonverbal Communication

Body language can be verbal and nonverbal. Nonverbal verbal communication is expressed through your voice, such as clearing your throat. You could be saying, "I'm getting choked up possibly." Your body tries to adapt to your environment, and it makes corrections and sends signals based on how you feel. That's one reason why you should always be aware of body language signals.

There are countless forms of nonverbal communication:

• head movement

• rubbing eye, fingers, hands, arm, or leg

• shifting of body, shuffling or tapping feet

• swinging leg when sitting, drumming fingers

• gesturing with hand toward or moving away

• smiling

• frowning

• scowling

Studies indicate that up to 90 percent of communication is actually transmitted via body language. Words comprise only 10% of communication. Other people observe the subtleties that your body language conveys, and thus 90% is a huge percentage of the communication process. Everyone should be astute about body language signals. You may be saying something that happens to be exactly opposite to what you really believe. Your body language will betray you. If your body language is sending a different signal, your message will be diluted simply because the body language is out of sync with what you are saying.

You are more aware of body language than you might realize. A lot of times we will talk about how we felt a certain sensation as a result of interacting with someone. We are sensing but are not truly conscious of the body language signals being projected. Also, you will hear nonverbal clues when you speak to someone over the phone. Even if you're reading, you can pick up inflections based on words and tone of the writing.

Body Language from Head to Toe

Pay attention to what people do with their hands, arms, feet, mouth, and head to become better at sensing body language. Their gestures will give you insight. I'd like you to imagine that you're standing in front of Bill, with whom you are negotiating. I am going to take you on a guided tour of what you should observe about him.

Expressing body language with the head

Someone's head gestures will definitely give you insight into what he is thinking. Tilting his head could mean that he is deliberating. It could also convey that Bill is inquisitive or in the process of trying to back away from something that has been said.

Eye movements signal thought processes. Most people will tend to look up and to the left when they are trying to recall something that has occurred in the past. You can test this by observing the person's reaction to a neutral comment. You might say something like, "We had good weather yesterday. Do you remember what the weather was like last week at this time?" Observe which direction the person looks. If he looks up and to the left, he's trying to recall. If he looks up and to the right, he could be doing the exact same thing. By establishing his baseline (i.e., which direction he looks to retrieve information), you're able to discern what the act means to him.

This reaction means you need to go further by asking another question. Ask another neutral question, such as about another experience you shared. "Do you remember when (a specific thing) happened?" Observe how Bill moves his eyes to recall the information based on your question.

When Bill looks up and to the left, you know that he is trying to recall what he actually experienced. You get the insight that more than likely this person looks up and to the left to recall information. If he is trying to remember a sound, he will tend to look directly to the left. If he is trying to think about something that's an auditory signal and he is contemplating what that was, he will tend to look down and to the left. Establish his baseline by asking different questions at different times.

Suppose you are talking to Bill about something that relates to emotion. Note what he does with his eyes. A person who is trying to get in touch with his emotions will look down and to the right. That's so important to observe when you're at the negotiation table because that will give you the insight as to how someone truly feels about an offer, a counter offer, and so on.

A person who looks directly to the right may be trying to think of a sound he has not heard before. As an example, if I said, "Imagine if a cow and a chicken were combined. What sound would it make?" Bill might tend to look to the right because he is trying to construct the sound.

Suppose he looks up and to the right. He is visually trying to create an image or a thought in his mind. You say something along the lines of, "What do you think the weather might be like next week based on what it's been like the last few days?" Watch Bill look up and to the right to try to answer that question.

I used the weather as an example, but you can observe the same thing from a negotiation perspective. Now that you have established the baseline by which Bill uses his eyes, you can then decipher to what degree he is being truthful. Ask, "Is this the best offer that you can make?" Note the direction in which he moves his eyes. Let's say he looks up and to the right. He is actually trying to construct whether or not it is the best offer.

Take it a step further. Begin your...