Big Wild Love: The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go - Softcover

Sherer Murray, Jill

 
9781631528521: Big Wild Love: The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go
Softcover
ISBN 10: 1631528521 ISBN 13: 9781631528521
Verlag: She Writes Press, 2020

Inhaltsangabe

Jill Sherer Murray lived in a dead-end relationship into her forties before she finally let it go. She was like millions of women who struggle with whether to stay in a loveless marriage, a bad relationship, or give up on dating altogether, believing love isn’t in the cards. You may be struggling with a similar decision yourself. Perhaps you’re terrified of being single, and yet you don’t truly feel you’re living the life you want.

With warmth and honesty, Murray shows you how letting go―of feeling stuck, afraid, and alone, and of believing what you’ve got is all you deserve―can free you from a life that isn’t serving you. She knows this is true, because she did it herself―and ultimately attracted the love and life she wanted. Through her story, other women’s stories, surprising facts and statistics, and helpful exercises, Big Wild Love will show you the way back to the self you’ve lost. It will put you on the path to change and teach you that, wherever you are, it’s never too late to start anew and find the Big Wild Love you deserve.

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Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Jill Sherer Murray is a TEDx speaker, author, blogger, coach, and founder of Let Go For It®, a lifestyle brand dedicated to helping individuals let go for a better life. She is also an award-winning journalist and communications leader who can trace practically every success she’s had in her career, love life, and more to letting go. Her TEDx talk, “The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go” has been viewed by more than one million people―a number that is currently growing by 30k each week. Murray also coaches and consults with business leaders on how to let go and communicate effectively. She spent a year studying improvisation comedy at the famous Second City Training Center in Chicago, and another five years writing a popular blog called Diary of a Writer in Mid-Life Crisis for Wild River Review. She also let go of just about everything to put her weight in Shape Magazine―twelve times―as part of a year-long assignment to document her weight loss journey for millions of readers. She resides in Pennsylvania.

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Part One: Big Wild Love Chapter 1 Self-Love with Intention “I was in a long-term relationship where marriage was just out of reach. I left him four years ago, at age 42, thinking I’d find someone else quickly. It didn’t happen. And I’ve been OBSESSED…with finding new love, weeping buckets of tears and pleading with God for help. Then, I saw your TEDx talk and decided that enough is enough. My goal, for now, is to LET GO of trying to find love with another person and love the hell out of myself instead.” --Josie, 46, New York City I had no idea when I walked into a bar with friends, on a random Friday night, that my life would change. But it did. Because that’s where I would meet Hector. Sweet, kind, loving, generous, and charismatic Hector. I was drinking coffee at the bar, feeling bored, when he came up behind me and ordered the same. “You’re drinking coffee too?” he asked, his dark eyes pierced mine. “Oh yeah,” I smiled. He was cute alright. “Would you like some more?” He motioned to the bartender. “Are you trying to get me drunk?” I asked. “More like heart palps.” Mission accomplished, I thought. He was there with friends, leaving for a two-week vacation the next day. After talking for hours, he took my number and vowed to call when he got back. I was pretty sure I’d never hear from him again. But much to my surprise, he called two weeks to the day. We met for dinner in Greektown. I’d forgotten how adorable he was: dark curly hair, olive-toned skin, perfectly aligned features. Smart and interesting, he opened doors, held chairs, paid for dinner, and loved his mother. A real gentleman, he was legitimately surprised when I kissed him at the end of our date, while we waited for the valet. I was surprised too. And yet, I felt compelled to press my lips against his; doing so left me in full tilt the entire drive home. He was the whole package. I remember asking myself how I'd stumbled upon such a Kim Kardashian diamond. Even allowed myself to wonder whether he could be “the one.” As it turned out, he would be: The one to teach me what it meant to be good. And that I deserved to be loved. He would also be the one to teach me how to, ultimately, love myself. Because I didn’t love myself going in, as evidenced by the failed relationships I’d had before him. I can see now where a lack of self-love inspired me to make less-than-ideal choices. But back then, I blamed them on either the men being cads, or on me being naïve. I even considered the idea that maybe I was destined to be alone. Self-love wasn’t even on my radar. Nobody ever taught me it mattered. To the contrary, I’d learned that winning the love of another person was the prize. That I should do whatever it took to get it, even if it meant sacrificing myself. Which I did with great duty. After all, it took me 10 years of being with Hector to confess to him that I wanted marriage―something I’d lied about for fear of turning him off. While I knew he didn’t want the same from the start, I’d secretly hoped he’d change his mind. It would take me another two years to acquiesce that he wouldn’t, even if I waited long enough. Or if I got prettier, thinner, or more lovable. Instead of hoping for more, I’d work on seeing the value in less. I had accepted what was: A loving relationship on his terms. Whenever I’d question whether that was best for me, I’d remind myself marriage was just a scrap of paper. It was a negotiation I’d have with myself, until a dying friend of both mine and Hector’s woke me up to a larger truth. “I love you and Hector…” she began. “We love you too, Mari.” I tried not to cry. Fucking cancer. “I’m not doing well, so I’m not gonna to mince words…” I could feel my heart drop. I had no clue what was coming next. “He loves you but will never give you what you want, Mija. He doesn’t want it. He told me.” Hector was indeed sweet, kind, loving, generous, and charismatic. But as it turned out, he was also unavailable. Suddenly I felt dizzy. “You’re 40 and living alone. Don’t be alone at 50. Go find him―the one who will give what you deserve.” I guessed since she couldn’t save her own life, perhaps she was trying to save mine. Her words haunted me. They gave me the courage to push the limits by suggesting Hector and I see that house. And I felt her like an angel on my shoulder, while I was breaking down in that stranger’s bathroom, finally asking THE question: Why was I holding on so tightly? It was one I couldn’t bring myself to earlier, when I was terrified of losing someone whose only crime was not wanting what I did. Maybe if he’d been more like the others―disrespectful, cold and withholding―the decision to let go would have been easier. But now, the floodgates were open. What would happen to me, if I let go? Would I be alone forever? What would I do with the shame, anger, and self-loathing I’d felt for betraying myself? How would I move forward? I’d ask these questions and others, until there were none left to ask. I didn’t have the answers, but I was ready to find them. And that made me feel oddly safe. Like no matter what happened, I’d be okay. Hector may have been the one to teach me that I deserved to be loved and how to love myself. But it wasn’t because he was the perfect boyfriend or that I stayed with him. It was because, in the end, I found out what the real issue really was. Simple, but not easy When I gave my TEDx talk, I had no idea that it would resonate with so many people around the single unifying issue that we’re staying too long in relationships that do not serve. I continue to see this play out every day in the emails I receive from women (and, by the way, men) struggling to find themselves in love. Like Christine, who stayed with her husband for 23 years to keep her family together, even though her marriage had unraveled years earlier, when he traveled every week for business and left her to raise their children alone. Or Terri, who stayed with her husband for three years, even though she was in love with a woman, because she was afraid her family and her church would never accept her as a lesbian. Then there was Joan, who stayed with her boyfriend for four years before accepting that she’d never be as important to him as his business. And Sandy, who clung to the boyfriend she’d met on vacation. He called her his “soulmate”, but then turned cold after the holiday and said he needed to get “back to reality.” In these examples and many others, each of these people had a choice. They could stay in the relationship―or tethered to the idea of it―and the belief that it might just be their only chance at love. Or, they could let go. It’s a choice we all have, when faced with a crossroads. We can hold on to a relationship that’s not giving us what we want, knowing that we’re agreeing to keep ourselves stuck. OR, we can let go and give ourselves a real chance at finding healthy love we really want. That’s it. Simple, but certainly not easy. Most people, especially those who don’t love themselves, will invariably choose to hold on to the relationship, avoiding the act of letting go at almost all costs. And those costs can be steep, including time, freedom, peace of mind, safety, the opportunity to meet the real love of their lives, morals, and even better health. For example, did you know that you are 35 percent more likely to become ill if you’re in an unhappy relationship [3]? Makes sense, if you consider that it’s often our bodies that slow us down, when we’re burning the candle at both ends, giving over too much of ourselves to other people. “We get sick because we forget to take care of ourselves when the world around us says do for me,” says Author, Psychologist, and Healer Susan Barbara Apollon. “And yet, doing for ourselves is why we’re really here. If I’m in a situation that’s not good for me, I need to pause, go inside, and explore why. I need to learn how to love myself better so...

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Verlag
She Writes Press
Erscheinungsdatum
2020
Sprache
Englisch
ISBN 10 
1631528521
ISBN 13 
9781631528521
Einband
Taschenbuch
Anzahl der Seiten
256
Kontakt zum Hersteller
Nicht verfügbar
Verantwortliche Person
Simon and Schuster Netherlands BV
info@simonandschuster.nl

Herculesplein 96
Utrecht
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Niederlande