The Mask of Masculinity: How Men Can Embrace Vulnerability, Create Strong Relationships, and Live Their Fullest Lives - Hardcover

Howes, Lewis

 
9781623368623: The Mask of Masculinity: How Men Can Embrace Vulnerability, Create Strong Relationships, and Live Their Fullest Lives
Hardcover
ISBN 10: 1623368626 ISBN 13: 9781623368623
Verlag: Rodale Books, 2017

Inhaltsangabe

Standing between you and the man you CAN be is one thing: The Mask of Masculinity. 

Lewis Howes grew up as an athlete. He was a two-sport All-American, played almost every sport in high school, and went on to play football professionally. Howes then transferred his competitive nature from sports to business, building his podcast, “The School of Greatness,” into a global phenomenon and becoming successful beyond his wildest dreams. But his whole identity was built on misguided beliefs about what “masculinity” was: dangerous, false ideas learned from teammates and coaches in locker rooms and stereotypes in the media. Like so many men, Howes grew up to be angry, frustrated, and always chasing something that was never enough.

At 30 years old, outwardly thriving but unfulfilled inside, Howes began a personal journey to find inner peace and to uncover the many masks that men—young and old—wear: by asking for advice from some of the world’s best psychologists, doctors, and household names like Tony Robbins, Alanis Morissette, and Ray Lewis. That journey created this book—a must read for every man, and for every woman who loves a man.

In The Mask of Masculinity (a USA Today bestseller), Howes exposes the ultimate emptiness of the Material Mask, the man who chases wealth above all things; the cowering vulnerability that hides behind the Joker and Stoic Masks of men who never show real emotion; and the destructiveness of the Invincible and Aggressive Masks worn by men who take insane risks or can never back down from a fight. He teaches men how to break through the walls that hold them back and shows women how they can better understand the men in their lives. It’s not easy, but if you want to love, be loved, and live a great life, then it’s an odyssey of self-discovery that all modern men must make.

Die Inhaltsangabe kann sich auf eine andere Ausgabe dieses Titels beziehen.

Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Lewis Howes is the New York Times bestselling author of The School of Greatness, and a lifestyle entrepreneur. A former professional football player and two-sport All-American, he is a current USA Men’s National Handball Team athlete. His podcast The School of Greatness, which has over 30 million downloads, is one of the top 100 ranked podcasts in the world on iTunes. He was recognized by the White House and President Obama as one of the top 100 entrepreneurs in the country under 30. He and his work have been featured The New York Times, People, Forbes, ESPN, Sports Illustrated, Men’s Health, Fox and Friends, The Today Show, and other major media outlets. Originally from Ohio, Howes now lives in Los Angeles, CA.

Auszug. © Genehmigter Nachdruck. Alle Rechte vorbehalten.

Introduction


 On the field, in my personal life, and in my career, I’ve always subscribed to traditional notions of masculinity. Work hard, be tough, win at all costs, be aggressive, don’t be emotional—you know the clichés. I’m a boy from Ohio. It’s a factory, farming, football, meat and potatoes kind of place. The way I was taught to deal with my problems was to smash into things as hard as I could—on the football field, maybe in the parking lot too, if necessary.

In this way, I’m like most guys—whether they live in America or Zimbabwe. I was living the way I was taught by my dad, just like his dad taught him, just like we’ve all seen on television and in the movies. I was following their lead, on the path to becoming a real man. And just like most  guys, it worked okay, until it didn’t. Sadness slipped in where success used to live. Loneliness and addiction took over for love. And depression blanketed all of it.

I think it’s time we ask: Is this lifestyle really working for the men in our society? Consider that, statistically speaking, males underperform in school compared to their female counterparts,1 have underdeveloped social skills and friendships,2  and are more prone to bouts of anger and unprovoked aggression brought on by depression.3  They also are more likely than women to use almost all types of illicit drugs,4  engage in more reckless sexual behavior, and be an absentee parent when that sexual recklessness results in pregnancy.

 These are just a half dozen examples of problems men face that researchers, educators, and psychologists have connected in one way or another to our misguided notions of masculinity. As you might imagine, these problems don’t stop with the men they afflict. They ripple throughout society as a whole. In fact, their effect on the male quality of life often results in early death, either theirs or others.

Consider these numbers:
According to the FBI’s 2015 annual report on crime in the United States, nearly 88 percent of all homicides are committed by men.5  Men in the United States are six times more likely to commit suicide than women.6  Meanwhile, they are significantly less likely  to seek help from a suicide prevention institution and half as likely simply to visit a doctor.7  And this trend starts early in the lives of men. One of the psychologists featured in The Mask You Live In,  Dr. Niobe Way, found that it is when “we began to hear the language, the emotional language, disappear from boys’ narratives, that boys begin to have five times the rate of suicide as girls.”8  A suicide prevention study conducted in Switzerland summarized these findings in as blunt and bleak a fashion as possible: “Women seek help—men die.”9

Over the years, many well-meaning men and women have tried to address these problems from a variety of angles. Some thought the solution was to teach men how to “get in touch with their feminine side” or “get in touch with their emotions.” Others have invented ridiculously divisive terms like “metrosexual” and “alpha male.” Men have been lectured and harangued and criticized for being too much of this and not enough of that. These so-called experts promise us better relationships, more personal happiness, solutions to all our personal problems.

Like many guys, I’ve had certain books recommended to me—or rather, had a girlfriend or a relative try to push them on me—and yet, I never found any that resonated. Not because I have everything figured out or I’m perfectly well-adjusted, but because more often than not, the advice was condescending and impractical or just plain wrong. I couldn’t relate to the people trying to tell me these things.

It was a real shame.

Which is why, in this book, I want to do something completely different.

I’m not going to lecture anyone. I’m not going to criticize. More than that, I’m not going to try to change you . I don’t think men are fundamentally flawed or broken. Not at all. They are just trapped. I know that’s the way I felt for 30 years of my life. Remember those boxes we stuffed our emotions into when we were younger? As we outgrew the boxes, they transformed into masks that hold us back and hurt our friends, family, career partners, and intimate lovers.

The simple purpose of this book is to show you what those masks are, why they’re there, and how to take them off. I don’t want to change you. I just want to help you be who you already truly are. If you’re a woman, I want you to be aware of why men wear certain masks, how you can communicate with men when they are hiding behind them, and how you can support and inspire men to slowly remove these masks.

Am I saying that most men are not being true to themselves?

Yes.

Let’s look at the traditional depiction of a “real man.” A real man must always be:
• Successful at everything he does
• Physically fit
• Strong
• Skilled at fixing things
• Good at sports or, at the very least, knowledgeable about them
• Attractive enough to women to be able to get in bed with them

 At the same time, a real man must never be:
• Interested in what women think about his appearance
• Too emotional
• Afraid
• Without the answer to a problem
• Anything but first, most, or best
• Seen crying—not ever

 If you think those are dated clichés I gathered together to make my point, let me point you to an experiment that English teacher Celine Kagan conducted over the course of 4 years from 2008–2012 at Little Red School House and Elisabeth Irwin High School in Manhattan with high school juniors and seniors in a class she specifically designed to “deconstruct the myth of masculinity.” She gave her students 10 minutes to respond to a simple prompt:  “What is a man?” Their answers matched almost word for word the phrases I just listed off for you.

 As Kagan describes so beautifully, here’s how the process unfolded and how ridiculously skewed it tended to be:

Inevitably, the discussion that follows begins with a student positing, “A man is someone with a penis.” From this point, the conversation moves into a listing of male stereotypes: strong, tough, tall, rich, brave, independent, likes cars, doesn’t cry, has lots of sex, watches sports and pornography, etc. I write this list on the board, creating a powerful visual for the students to critique. “Does this list represent what the men you know are really like?” I ask them. Their answer is always, “No.” 10

 Each of us will have a slightly different definition of what it means to be a man—a little bit more of one trait, a little bit less of another—but no matter what, the recipe will always add up to the same impossible creation. No human being could ever successfully live up to the standards we’ve constructed. Few ever even come close.

Yet falling short can have dire consequences: Men who are deficient in any of these categories are called soft, weak, and stupid. Other men in society label them as gay, losers, bitches, girls, or pussies. To disagree publicly with any of these notions of masculinity is to risk being made fun of, beaten up, or lumped in with these categories yourself.

I know. I remember one day in fourth grade at Smith Elementary School in Delaware,...

„Über diesen Titel“ kann sich auf eine andere Ausgabe dieses Titels beziehen.

Verlag
Rodale Books
Erscheinungsdatum
2017
Sprache
Englisch
ISBN 10 
1623368626
ISBN 13 
9781623368623
Einband
Gebundene Ausgabe
Anzahl der Seiten
256
Kontakt zum Hersteller
Rodale
https://www.penguinrandomhouse.ca/imprints/A6/rodale-books/books

Attn: Andrea T Sheridan 1745 BROADWAY, 14-1
NEW YORK
NY
10019
USA
Verantwortliche Person
preigu
mail@preigu.de

Lengericher Landstr. 19
Osnabrück
49078
Deutschland

Weitere beliebte Ausgaben desselben Titels

9781788171274: The Mask of Masculinity: How Men Can Embrace Vulnerability, Create Strong Relationships and Live Their Fullest Lives

Vorgestellte Ausgabe

ISBN 10:  1788171276 ISBN 13:  9781788171274
Verlag: Hay House UK, 2017
Softcover