The MindfulWay for Parents

All change is not growth; as all movement is not forward.

~ Ellen Glasgow

Every parent walks a path filled with choices — choices that are both conscious and unconscious. Reading this book is a conscious choice you have made in order to progress into a new place as a parent.

Maybe you are hoping to find answers that lead you to a place where you feel less stressed as a parent. A place that is quieter or less demanding. A place where your child or teenager actually listens, follows your rules, or is more "well-behaved." Or, if your child is an adult, a place where the two of you can communicate like healthy adults — with respect, openness, and compassion. Perhaps you are hoping to find a place where your morning routine runs more smoothly or your evening ritual flows with ease. Maybe you aren't sure of the place you want to be or the path you need to take right now to improve things with your child. You just know that this — what you feel today, what you are doing today as a parent — is not where you want to be because it is exhausting, overwhelming, or it is simply not working.

Mapping it Out

Having a map to guide you, especially when you are feeling lost, confused, or unsure, can be useful. Raising children can be an ambiguous journey. A journey with countless twists and turns, unexpected stops, and unpaved roads that sneak up on you when you are least prepared. The journey can also be rather dimly lit and filled with obstacles that can knock an otherwise solid individual from a path of clarity to one of confusion. Though an all-out sprint to the end of the road is not an option when it comes to parenting, walking awake with more purpose and awareness as you raise your child is.

The sketch of the MindfulWay map on page 10 outlines a path that, if you choose to walk it every day, will help you wake up and walk with awareness through every parenting situation. The parenting issues represented along the path are just a sample of what you might encounter walking through the day with your child. As you study the map, feel free to modify it to fit your parenting experience, penciling in words or pictures that represent dilemmas you frequently bump into as you move through your day with your child.

Once you learn more about the three primary "stepping stones" along this path — self, relationship, and moment awareness — you will use these to create important shifts during your most challenging parent-child moments. Simply knowing about these stepping stones will not eliminate every parent-child challenge, but practicing them daily will empower you to be more effective when challenges surface.

These three stepping stones are the primary pillars of a parenting philosophy called the MindfulWay. The purpose of the MindfulWay is to give you the skills you need to consciously and intentionally bring the "parent-you-want-to-be" into every interaction you have with your child.

The parenting journey is one of constant motion. Unfortunately, the steps some parents take are not helpful or in the best interest of their child. Keep in mind that simply moving and making it to the end of the day with your child does not necessarily mean you are helping your child progress toward a healthy destination. The MindfulWay map was designed to remind you to keep the three essential pillars of awareness in your mind and heart as you interact with your child. The map will guide you so you can feel confident about the general direction you and your child are going.

The MindfulWay map reminds you to carry awareness with you as you walk with your child through all moments — the ordinary, the stressful, and the joyful moments — throughout the day. The map reminds you to stay awake rather than switch into your autopilot mode as a way to survive the emotional and physical drain of parenting. Autopilot parenting is unconscious parenting and unfortunately, can lead us and our children astray. At times as parents we experience feeling lost, confused, detached, uncertain, hopeless, or wanting to run away from it all. The good news is that parenting doesn't have to feel this way. In fact, when you are fully awake with purpose and awareness, parenting can provide a deep sense of clarity, appreciation, compassion, connectedness, and good energy in your life.

An aware parent loves all children he meets and interacts with ... for you are a caretaker for those moments in time.

~ Doc Childre

When you are on the right path, a path of awareness, you will experience more engagement and steadiness in the way you move through each day with your kids. When you learn to rely less on autopilot and more on awareness, your parent-child interactions become your most effective parenting tool.

Let the MindfulWay map enlighten your path, helping you walk successfully through your most stressful parenting moments as well as your most cherished moments. Keep in mind as you make your way through each day that the only right way to awaken as a parent is your way. Focus on carrying awareness into each moment and you will create the kind of relationship that works best for you and your child. While our journeys as parents will vary, eventually, if we are open with ourselves and available to our children, we will all arrive in the same place — living as parents who are awake, purposeful, calm, and connected to our children.

More About the MindfulWay Philosophy

The MindfulWay is a parenting philosophy that teaches you how to develop three essential pillars of awareness — awareness of yourself, your ability to observe the way you interact with your child, and your capacity to be fully present while parenting. The more you consciously strengthen these pillars, the stronger your mental, behavioral, and emotional foundation will be as you raise your child.

A philosophy is a system of beliefs or values that we hold. Each of us carries within us philosophies about subjects like health, work, religion, politics, marriage, death, relationships, and, of course, parenting. These philosophies influence the way we feel, think, behave, and express ourselves to others. The personal philosophies you carry about relationships and parenting have been developing over the course of your lifetime. You carry core beliefs about the parent-child relationship and parenting that you put into action every day without even being aware you are doing so.

One's philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes ... and the choices we make are ultimately our...