Reality check: Are you living under the social influence?

Is your life overbooked with too many meaningless things as a result of poor time management and not being able to say no? On average we spend more than two hours a day just checking and responding to work e-mail. When you add Facebook and Twitter into the mix, the hours you spend on social media in an effort to stay connected with family and friends does just the opposite: it makes you less social. Have you isolated yourself from people because of your addiction to social media? I see no evidence that the instant connectivity of social networking has made anyone's life simpler or better. I've seen it used as an anonymous and asynchronous way to vent frustration and damage relationships.

Are you obsessed with having more stuff than your friends and setting career goals based strictly upon an income level to support this obsession? Do you feel that life doesn't seem fair? The truth is, life doesn't have to be a constant competition, especially not with friends, neighbors, or family. If it feels that way, then you're experiencing a lot more stress than you really should at your age.

Let's take a quick test of where you are today, and then see how you got there and why. This ten-point checklist is the "misery meter" for those racing to get to an undetermined destination as fast as they possibly can.

How many of these ten statements below describe you?

[] Always late, feeling rushed, frazzled

[] Always angry at someone or about something

[] Always broke and live paycheck to paycheck

[] Always tired, or exhausted, or frustrated

[] Always feel lonely but are seldom alone

[] Always apologizing for underperforming

[] Never face to face with your closest friends

[] Never are happy and seldom laugh at work

[] Never willing to stop the destructive habits

[] Never unplugged from technology

If you checked the majority of the boxes, then your life needs a simplification. From my vantage point, I see far too many young people who are simply overextended in every facet of their lives because of impatience, bad advice, mismanaged finances, and unhealthy relationships.

By their own admission, most of the unhappy people I've helped train tell me that they either didn't choose their system for living, or they discovered that they don't like the system they once believed in. They were greatly influenced by others who didn't have their best interests in mind. I encourage these people to first start by admitting there is a problem and committing to an "I will" attitude versus an "I will try" attitude about making changes in their priorities and any negative behavior that is limiting their chances of achieving success.

As we age we find ourselves in a constant state of uncertainty regarding the pace that we want for our lives. Sorting out the pleasures of a simple life from the doldrums of pure boredom may be a daily occurrence for you. If you have a good job, if you have a support system in place, if you have faith in yourself, and if you have a strong work ethic, then you have everything you need to make positive changes. Maybe you have simply driven yourself to a hectic and unhappy place because you are chasing the life that someone you know already has. Big mistake. You need to focus on your goals and ambitions and avoid being envious of friends', neighbors', and coworkers' lifestyles.

If you fit the profile from the checklist above, you may be allowing others to determine who you are and how you feel about yourself. You're living under the social influence. Sooner or later, there will be that day of reconciliation when you realize how short life really is, and instead of allowing other people, financial burdens, or your work control you, you'll want to simplify your pursuits to only include what you believe is most important.

Why not make that day sooner rather than later? Keep reading.

Focus on the process — not the outcome

Let's start at the very beginning. Anytime you are charged with managing people, coaching a team, raising a child, or teaching a class, it is far more productive to focus on incremental steps than to dwell on the final outcome. That's not to say that you shouldn't have expectations of the desired outcome, it is simply a way to keep from becoming frustrated along the way. For instance, if a state championship is the goal, speak of it as a team once in a while, but focus primarily on what has to be done in order to win that title. In business there is a saying: Always manage by objective. That's a great strategy once an unambiguous goal is determined and communicated. The process is the accomplishment of individual objectives; the outcome is achieving the established goal. I find that business and sports are a lot alike in this respect.

In almost every scenario described above, you are only really in charge for a short while. Think about coaching as an example. Athletes will move on to the next coach and then to one after that. Your job as the manager or supervisor is to instill the proper work ethic, habits, and other key business traits. People get promoted or change jobs. Teaching is the same, parenting is the same, and even at work your direct reports won't work for you forever. Think back to school and the best teachers, coaches, or counselors you have had. Replicate the way they instilled a work ethic in you. They are your motivational role models as you begin your career.

What really motivated you in high school or college? Was it grades, win/loss records, or a natural...