Trust

Trust must be earned. Fundamentally, people trust each other when they do what they say they will do. All too often trust is lost when there is a difference between what a person says and what they actually do. This can be illustrated in numerous ways.

When you say you will be at work at 8 a.m. and you don't show up until 8:30 a.m., your behavior belies what you say. If you say you will call someone and you don't, people will hesitate to believe you in the future. You say you care; you express concern and say you want to help someone, and then you never follow up. What do you think others will conclude? Any promise you make that is not honored will compromise trust. This may seem simplistic, but people notice and remember these behaviors. They may not say anything, but they will remember.

People make judgments about other people based on small — what many consider to be trivial — things. They also observe nuances of behavior. They perceive someone with "shifty eyes," a "glib tongue," or inconsistent patterns of behavior as not being trustworthy. The ultimate litmus test is based on behavior, not who you know, what you say, or how smart you are.

Competence

Nothing in my personal or business life has even come close to the trust relationship I experienced flying fighters in formation. When I reflect on my military combat experience, there are many lessons that are useful and apply directly to civilian life and business.

The qualifications to be a United States Air Force pilot are rigorous. When you fly fighters, you have to meet all the basic pilot requirements, plus you must be proficient in flying formation. That means you fly a few feet away from another aircraft, sometimes close to the ground, sometimes in the clouds, and sometimes in beautiful blue skies. There is always a lead, and the rest are wingmen. As a wingman, you follow lead, and where lead goes, you go.

The first two critical factors for fighter pilots in formation flying are competence and good judgment. In combat, lack of competence or poor decision-making can result in not only your own demise, but also the death of your wingman.

When I graduated from pilot training I was able to fly very precisely. I consistently pegged the altitude, heading, and airspeed. However, being a good fighter pilot requires a lot more than simple precision flying. After flying a couple of years and having logged 208 combat missions, I was a much better pilot, and had better judgment and high competence. Flying the airplane was almost automatic, and the mission or hitting the target was my primary focus. The airplane became an extension of my own body.

My squadron in Vietnam lost several aircrews and aircraft. On more than one occasion, I was assigned to investigate aircraft losses, and brief the general on what happened and what we could do to avoid the same mistake again by another aircrew. Gradually it became apparent that there were patterns of behavior, some good and some bad, that became habits by the pilots. Some planned very thoroughly, others had a tendency to take high-risk chances, and unfortunately all pilots are not equally gifted with superior skills.

One of the biggest lessons I learned is that usually it is not one mistake that causes you to crash or get shot down. It is multiple things that happen at the same time. It might be a combination of poor weather, not being at your peak physically, and a slip-up in communications. Having an engine problem is usually manageable, but if and when it is combined with all these other problems, you are suddenly at great risk. You may crash, and if you are flying over enemy territory, it may result in getting shot down.

It's exactly the same in business. The good news for businesspeople is that it usually is not your life in the balance, like it would be in combat. Let's look at a simple example. Maybe the economy is plagued with high unemployment, lack of consumer confidence, and confused leadership in Washington, DC. Interest rates are at an all-time low, but new regulations make it almost impossible to get your clients financing. You feel stressed and decide you need a break.

You stay out late dwelling too much on the downward spiraling economy, have that extra glass of wine, and get a slow start in the morning. On the way to the office, because you are rushing and running late, you decide to text someone while you are driving: "I'm on my way."

The reality is that this scenario could turn into a ticket, a car accident, or just getting stuck in heavy traffic. However, the bottom line is you said you would be at work before 8 a.m. It's now 8:30 a.m. and you are late. How would you handle this minor situation? Would you cruise into the office trying to put on a charming smile? What do you say? Do you ignore the fact that you are late? Maybe you are clever, and you make a joke about your car or traffic? How about a very humble apology? But more importantly, you may now have created a complex problem. What is the fundamental problem — the real issue? What has happened to trust?

When you have been in business a long time, several decades in my case, you have the opportunity to observe people in many situations with both good and bad outcomes. This gives the experienced person an advantage. It is the ability to recognize patterns. Let me share a few of the patterns I have seen over the years that relate to the simple story I just told about getting to work a half hour late.

Anyone who is often late has a problem. Obviously, the habit of being late destroys trust. However, the root of the problem may relate to self-concept. Sometimes the person believes his or her time is more valuable than another person's time. But even more telling is how this behavior relates to respect. (Chapter 2 is an in-depth discussion of respect.)

Another issue may be a person's inability to make good decisions. Some people try to pack too much into the time they have. This is commonly known as "being behind the power curve." This expression relates to flying. When you get behind the power curve, your aircraft will lose altitude or stall, no matter how hard you pull back on the stick and try to climb. There simply is not enough power to overcome the weight and drag of the aircraft. The solution in flying is to let up on the stick, push the nose down, and let the aircraft build up speed without the pressure of trying to climb. This goes against natural instinct, especially if you are close to or approaching the ground. In business, when you are caught behind the power curve, you need to take...