CHAPTER 1

Who Are You?

Why Understanding Your ValuesIs the First Step to Success

How do I find my path and direction in life? How do I knowwhat I want to become or what I'm destined to be?—Evan

For most of your life, you've been told what to do. But now, "real life"is beginning—and it's your turn to call the shots. What do you want todo? Who do you want to be? This chapter is about asking some deepquestions about yourself and finding your purpose in the world. Toachieve that, this chapter will challenge you to

* Figure out your values,

* Vocalize your purpose, and

* Create a personal mission statement to guide you on the pathto a wise, tenacious, and fearless you.

Are you ready to jump right in?

It's 2021 and, tragically, you've died young. You're watching your ownmemorial service where your friends, family members, coworkers, andmembers of your groups or clubs are going to speak about who youwere. What do you want them to say? What did you do with your life?

Brutal, right? But let it play out, because it's one of the best ways tofigure out what you value in life ... while you've still got decades tomake it happen. Take some time with this question. Daydream realisticallyabout where you see yourself. Are you a parent? A communityleader? Who is most central in your life? Do you want your friends todescribe you as loyal? Hardworking? optimistic? And are you on trackto make this happen?

This powerful exercise is used by several self-help books, includingStephen Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and DavidBach's The Finish Rich Workbook. The point is to demonstrate thatbeing busy and getting a lot done aren't the same as accomplishingyour goals. This is a crucial message as you struggle with the purpose,direction, and meaning of your life.

"Imagining my own funeral in all its intricacies was a very intenseexperience that provided a very good mental image of who I want togrow to be," said Chris. "once I began thinking about how I wanted tobe remembered by those that know me, I really started thinking aboutwhat type of person I am and what type of person I want to strive to be.Though at times I fall short of this ideal, this habit has increased myawareness of my own actions in relation to who I want to be."

Fellow tester Carly said she'd had a too-personal experience withthis scenario recently when a close friend died in a car accident. Thattragedy, and this exercise, reminded her of what was really importantin life. "I think that people need to do what they want to be rememberedby. Whether it's a first impression or a last, think about the endresult of the behavior you are exhibiting. It also leads to goals in life.When I think about the end of my life, I have a picture of where I wantto be. Having the end in mind keeps me focused on the goals I hopeto achieve."

You might think this is a really morbid way to begin an optimisticbook—but don't skip over this exercise. By thinking about who youwant to be and what you want to accomplish now, in your twenties, youare much better prepared to achieve those goals in the coming years.In previous generations, self-help was mostly for people in their fortiesand fifties who were realizing, belatedly, that they wanted somethingdifferent from their lives. Fortunately, you can start a lot sooner.

In 2021, I will be __________ years old. I will have accomplished thefollowing things:

1. ________________________________________________________________________

2. ________________________________________________________________________

3. ________________________________________________________________________

4. ________________________________________________________________________

What are the phrases that you'd hope to hear as those closest toyou describe your personality and your core values?

1. ________________________________________________________________________

2. ________________________________________________________________________

3. ________________________________________________________________________

4. ________________________________________________________________________

Take a moment to consider: Are you living your life now so thatpeople would say this about you ... if you died tomorrow? If youare at all uncertain, it's time to focus on living your values.

What Are Values?

Your values guide your decisions, both big and small. Values are what'simportant to you, what you cherish about yourself and your relationshipswith others. Values are about who you want to be—and yet, forsome reason, we spend very little time thinking about our values.

In his bestselling financial planning guide, The Finish Rich Workbook,David Bach tells readers that knowing their values—and gettingclear about who they want to be—is the first step toward achievingfinancial goals. "When you understand what's important to you, itbecomes much easier to focus on who you want to be, then on whatyou want to do, and, finally, on what 'stuff ' you really want to have," hewrites. But knowing your values helps a lot more than just your financiallife: Having a clear sense of who you want to be will guide everyone of your life decisions—for the better.

Values are different than goals, he warns: Goals are what you wantto do, while values are who you want to be. Having a million dollarsis a goal, not a value. Becoming famous is a goal, not a value. But toaccomplish either of those goals means understanding what's importantto you as an individual.

In his Value Circle™ exercise, Bach asks readers to list the five corevalues by which they live (or want to live) their lives. Security, health,strong marriage, family, and fun might pop up on a Value Circle™. Orperhaps freedom, happiness, peace of mind, spirituality, and balance.

Knowing your values stops the vicious cycle of working hard atunsatisfying jobs only to go into credit card debt for things to dull thepain, explains Bach. "Trust me, the Value Circle™ exercise can changeyour life." And after watching dozens of WTF testers try this exercise,it seems Bach is right.

Try it for yourself: What are your values?

1. ________________________________________________________________________

2. ________________________________________________________________________

3. ________________________________________________________________________

4. ________________________________________________________________________

5. ________________________________________________________________________

Having problems narrowing it down? Erin started with a list oftwenty-eight and cut it down to ten but then she was stuck: Her topten values were security, happiness, fun, family, marriage, makinga difference, fulfillment, balance, education, and kindness. To narrowthe list down to six, she focused on the life she wanted to livetoday—not in the future—and dropped security, family, marriage, andfulfillment.

"Those are values that I want to work toward being able to have inthe future but are not at the top of my values list in my twenty-two-year-oldcollege life." she combined the ideas of kindness and thedesire to make a difference into one value, generosity, and had her fivecore values: happiness, balance, fun, education, and generosity.

How to Live Your Values

For many Generation WTFers, the Value Circle™ exercise was challengingbecause it exposed a disconnect between their cherished ideasof themselves and the way they were actually living their lives. If youfeel the same way, these WTF tips will help you close the gap:

1. Think about Your Values—and Write Them Down

Kim said her core values included family, love, security, friendship, andindependence, and found the charts and exercises in The Finish RichWorkbook "extremely helpful" because "writing my goals down did infact make me feel more obligated and motivated to complete them."

We'll see this time and again with behavioral change advice: Actuallywriting things down really makes a difference. Because writing is apowerful way to tell your story, sort your thoughts, and commit yourselfto change, you'll do a lot of writing in this book. Keep a pencil or pen,and a journal, handy.

2. It's OK to Write in Pencil, Not Pen

Jaye said the Value Circle™ helped her focus on the purpose of hereducation—not just having fun and learning—but working toward afulfilling career. Still, she was sensitive to the fact that her chosen valuesmight change over time. "As life changes, this circle will change andI could probably do the same exercise in a month and could potentiallyget very different answers, but I suppose that is why [Bach] recommendscompleting the exercises in pencil instead of pen," she concluded.

3. Put That List Front and Center

Just making the list wasn't going to do much to change their day-to-daybehaviors, testers realized. One wrote out her values on the back of abusiness card and stuck it in the clear-plastic window of her wallet.every time she opened her wallet, she'd see her list of values.

Molly taped her Value Circle™—with independence topping thecharts—on the mirror above her dresser, "so that I can see it every day.It reminds me that if I want to live independently I need to save anextra few dollars a day, so I can pay for the apartment to live in aftercollege or be adventurous and go to a new country. Those values shouldalways be on the top of my priority list, every single day." And whilemolly recognized she was young and just starting out, "I now knowthat I need to start prioritizing my life according to my values startingnow and not when it is too late. Understanding and having writtendown the important aspects of my life has motivated me to start beingindependent now. I plan on finding a job at school my senior year soI can save up the money to have my own place after I graduate. It issomething that has always been important to me. I now know that Ineed to start acting like it is important to me, not just thinking it."

Is Your Internal GPS Leading You in theRight Direction?

once you've listed your five core values, it's time to take a good, hardlook at yourself and ask, "Am I following those values as best as Ican in my everyday life?" or, put another way, would you expect yourfriends, family members, and colleagues to use those five phrases intheir descriptions of you at your funeral? If not, it might be time torecalibrate your internal GPs and make sure you're headed on theright track.

In The Road Less Traveled, M. Scott Peck argues that our view ofreality is like a map—and if that map is wrong, we'll get lost and makepoor choices. To make sure you're on the right path, you've got to facethe truth, find your real map, and live life accordingly. By avoidingchallenge, we avoid the truth. By ignoring our values, we're headed inthe wrong direction.

Josh said it was very useful to think about his decisions as directionalchoices on a map of life. "This exercise really helped show methat I can make subtle changes in my life that have a big impact. Inorder to be responsible for myself, I have to be true to myself. In orderto be true to myself, I need to be patient and able to reflect on thesituation, so all these areas tie in together."

If your internal GPs is on the fritz, you'll feel like you are workinghard, but not accomplishing your goals. It's as if you're lost in somesuburban subdivision from hell, making turns blindly, going in circlesendlessly. Without the right map—without the right values and a clearsense of purpose—you're not going to get where you want to go.

An ongoing study of young adults finds that only two out of everyfive members of Generation WTF reported that they have a clear senseof purpose. Yes, you've got some ideas, but perhaps you've never beentaught how to formulate goals and make specific plans to achieve yourdreams. You've got a general sense of where you want to go, but maybeyou've got no clear map. If so it's time to recalibrate your GPs and findyour life pupose.

Finding Your Purpose

I grew up with very supportive, enabling parents whoprovide for me in every manner to be expected. However,I am acutely lacking any serious desire to excel in anything.That's not to say I'm depressed or pathetic, just that I lacka central motivation or ambition. —Aaron

A purpose is that final answer to the question of why? Why are youdoing what you're doing? Why does it matter? Why is it important?Finding your purpose, argues William Damon, author of The Path toPurpose, means figuring out what drives you on a daily basis, whatmotivates you to achieve those immediate goals, and what inspires youto keep going when the going gets tough.

Myriad psychological and behavioral research has found that findingpurpose and meaning play significant roles in wellbeing. It turnsout that one of the prime predictors of being happy and healthy in oldage is whether you had a sense of purpose going through your life.

Purpose can be big or small. studies show that most people findpurpose in their jobs—even if those jobs aren't exactly glamorous. Ifyou wait tables at a restaurant, perhaps you realize that your purpose isto have people leave happier than when they arrived. If you input data,perhaps you realize that the data you are carefully entering affectsdecisions on a much broader level. As Damon writes, "noble purposecan be found in the day-to-day fabric of ordinary existence."

Purpose is intentional. Purpose means doing something like youmean it, not just because you're going with the flow. And when you dothat, studies find, different parts of your brain are activated, and youstart to learn and grow in faster and more efficient ways.

Purpose is the reason for your goals. While goals and motivescome and go, your sense of purpose—your answer to the question"why?"—is the end goal that drives them. You might want to do wellon a test, or save enough money for a summer in Ghana, but what'sthe reason for that? To get good grades to go to medical school to helpsave lives? To save money to travel to learn more about world cultureso you can affect global change?

Purpose can change over time—and can evolve. Purposedoesn't need to be something huge like curing cancer or feeding theworld's starving. Those are great goals—and do give many people purpose—butanything that you find challenging, absorbing, or compelling,anything that takes you out of your own head and allows you tomake a contribution to the greater world around you—that's purpose.

Again, purpose is the "why" behind what you do—and it's probablythe most fundamental statement about who you want to be. It'sthinking bigger than short-term things like self-promotion, status, andthings. But if you're like most of Generation WTF, you're getting a bitpanicky now. What's your purpose?

Three Steps to Digging Up Your Purpose

Step 1: What am I good at?

The first step to figuring out how you can contribute to society is tofigure out what you're good at. You might be a great listener, or a greattalker. Maybe you can convince a mouse to give up its cheese, or perhapsyou are a whiz with numbers. Think of your particular talents andlist them here. Be honest, not modest. Be realistic, too. No one elsehas to see this list unless you want to share it.

My most valuable gifts and talents are

1. _______________________________________________________________________.

2. _______________________________________________________________________.

3. _______________________________________________________________________.

4. _______________________________________________________________________.

5. _______________________________________________________________________.

Step 2: What can I do with these gifts?

look at the list above. And I mean really look at that list. How can thoseskills be useful to others? If you're stuck, don't worry about findingone particular career or calling that uses all of your gifts, but insteadlook at each individually: If you're a good listener, what could you dowith that? How could you help others? How could that skill change aperson—or a community—for the better?

1. My talent for ____________________________________________________could be used to ____________________________________________________.

2. My talent for ____________________________________________________could be used to ____________________________________________________.

3. My talent for ____________________________________________________could be used to ____________________________________________________.

4. My talent for ____________________________________________________could be used to ____________________________________________________.

5. My talent for ____________________________________________________could be used to ____________________________________________________.

Step 3: What types of careers or activities would I enjoy thatwould best use some or all of these talents?