Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Mark Merrill is the founder and president of Family First, a widely respected national non-profit organization dedicated to strengthening the family. Mark hosts the Family Minute with Mark Merrill , a national daily radio program. He has appeared on NBC’s Today Show , numerous ABC, CBS, FOX and NBC network affiliates and network radio programs including NPR, CBS Radio, and the Canadian Broadcasting Network.His comments and writings have appeared in publications including USA Today , the Washington Times, and Sports Illustrated . As an energetic advocate for the family, Mark speaks at conferences and events hosted by major companies, NFL teams, as well as special engagements for dignitaries.Before founding Family First in 1991, Mark practiced law in Florida for seven years.Mark, his wife, Susan, and their five children live in Tampa, Florida.

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ALL PRO DAD

Thomas Nelson

Contents

Foreword by Tony Dungy...............................................................ixIntroduction: Why the Quest?.........................................................xiii1. Fatherhood Fundamentals...........................................................12. Know your Makeup—Who Am I?..................................................273. Know your Mind-set—What's My Purpose?.......................................514. Know your Motive—Why Do I Do What I Do?.....................................815. Know your Method—How Can I Better Love My Family?...........................1016. Know you're a Model—What Should I Model to My Children?.....................1257. Know your Message—What Do I Need to Share with others?......................1498. Know your Master—Who or What Am I Living For?...............................171Conclusion: Striving for the Summit..................................................193Acknowledgments......................................................................201Appendix: Additional Suggestions for the Seven Essentials............................205Notes................................................................................213About the Author.....................................................................219Note from the Author's Wife..........................................................222

Chapter One

Champions are champions not because they do anything extraordinary but because they do the ordinary things better than anyone else.

—Chuck Noll, former head coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers and four-time Super Bowl winner

Gentlemen, this is a football." With those five famous words, legendary NFL football coach Vince Lombardi communicated his point to his players each year at the beginning of the Green Bay Packers training camp. With pigskin held high in the air, he was telling his team that they must always start with the fundamentals.

"I can remember my first team meeting ever in the National Football League," Super Bowl–winning player and coach Tony Dungy shared with me as he reminisced about his days playing for the Pittsburgh Steelers. "I was a rookie.

Chuck Noll was the coach and the Steelers had won two Super Bowls already. And I thought I was going to hear some fantastic stuff describing how you get to be Super Bowl champions; how you get to be a great player.

"Coach Noll—I'll never forget it—said, 'Champions are champions not because they do anything extraordinary but because they do the ordinary things better than anyone else.' What he was saying was, you've got this misconception that you've gotta do these spectacular highlight-reel type things, you've gotta have special gifts and special talents to be a Super Bowl winner or an All-Pro. He said, no, that's not it. There are fundamentals that it takes to play the game. Executing those fundamentals, not forgetting them, and executing them day in and day out, that's how you become great. That's how you win. That's how you become an All-Pro. And he was right."

Just as knowing and executing the fundamentals of football are key to a player becoming an All-Pro, knowing and executing the fundamentals of fatherhood better and more consistently than everyone else are key to a father becoming an All Pro Dad. Many books, blogs, and seminars do a good job listing things men should say and not say, do and not do as fathers. Men need lists, and lists are good. But we can't skip the fundamentals. And the two most important fundamentals of fatherhood are love and leadership. Before you think I'm getting soft by talking about love, you need to know that love is anything but soft. It's strong. James "JB" Brown, host of The NFL Today, is a big man with a big heart. During one of our visits, JB shared with me that "People think love is soft and weak, but it is really a sign of strength." It's strong. It's powerful. It's courageous.

What drives a fireman to put on a fifty-pound tank and climb the stairs of the World Trade Center? What inspires a G.I. to storm omaha Beach under a cloud of enemy gunfire? As author G. K. Chesterton wrote, "The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him." Love for others is what makes a man a man. And a man's love, his manhood, starts with what is right behind him—his family.

So in this chapter, we'll focus on the fatherhood fundamentals of love and leadership. We're going to learn what they really are and why they are so important for fathers. In the next seven chapters we'll tackle the "7 Ms" that are essential for every man to know to effectively execute those fundamentals—Makeup, Mind-set, Motive, Method, Model, Message, and Master. Every father must know these 7 Ms to expand his capacity to love and, in turn, lead his children well.

The First Fundamental—Love

"Truly, truly, truly love. That's the most powerful thing there is." Those are the words spoken by UCLA's legendary basketball coach John Wooden, at the age of ninety-nine shortly before his death. Love's power is apparent. But its essence can be tough to grasp. Bookstores and shelves in homes are filled with books on what love is, how to love, what love does and does not do. Unfortunately, many miss the real mark of love.

If you asked ten adults what love is, you'd probably get ten different answers. Love is tough to define. Coach Wooden went on to say, "The most important word in our language is 'love.'" Love is the greatest word with the greatest value and the greatest power in the world. The Roman poet Virgil said, "Love conquers all things." The great Russian novelist Leo Tolstoy said, "All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love." And the political leader of India, Mahatma Gandhi, said, "There only is life where there is love. Life without love is death."

The Author of Wisdom clearly tells us that love is the greatest. When the cunning Pharisees asked Jesus of Nazareth, "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

Okay, if you still don't believe love is the most important thing, just go and ask someone who has never really been loved.

Myths and Misunderstandings About Love

Love is the greatest, but it is also undoubtedly the most overused and underused, misapplied and misunderstood word in the English language. It is overused and misapplied with reckless abandon on most television shows and commercials you watch. Remember the "I love you, man" beer commercial? For decades, musicians such as the Beatles have made love their hallmark—"She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah." The books you read and websites and blogs you look at talk about love as well. It's so apparent, examples are probably unnecessary. But I don't want you to think that it's mostly bad. I like a lot of those shows and songs. I'm just trying to make the point that we use this amazing word without even thinking about it. As a result, we perpetuate myths about its meaning.

Love is also underused and misconstrued in word and deed by husbands, wives, parents, children, grandparents, grandchildren,...