The Multi-orgasmic Woman: Discover Your Full Desire, Pleasure, And Vitality - Hardcover

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MANTAK CHIA is the world's best-known teacher of the Taoist arts, from Tai Chi to Taoist sexuality. He is the coauthor of the bestsellers The Multi-Orgasmic Man and The Multi-Orgasmic Couple. He lives in Thailand and teaches in the United States and Europe.

RACHEL CARLTON ABRAMS, M.D., specializes in complementary medicine as well as women's health and sexuality at the Santa Cruz Medical Clinic. The coauthor of The Multi-Orgasmic Couple, she lives in Santa Cruz, California, with her husband and three children.

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CHAPTER 1

YOUR OWN SEXUAL FINGER PRINT

Who are you sexually? Our sexual selves are as colorful and varied as each of our unique personalities or fingerprints. Our sexual preferences are influenced by our past experiences, our relationships, the culture in which we live, and the biochemical reactions in our bodies. No two women share the same experience of desire or even the same orgasmic pattern. Mis- perceptions about the "right" way to have an orgasm and expectations about "normal libido" leave many women feeling inadequate. With this book, I want to assist you in finding your ideal sexual self. No matter who you are and no matter what your experiences have been, your body is whole and fully capable of giving and getting great pleasure just as it is. The purpose of this book is not to fit your body into someone else's experience of pleasure, but to awaken your own natural desire and energy so that you can have a fulfilling sexual life that is truly your own.

Your preferred pattern of pleasure may be to have long hours of intense lovemaking once every 2 weeks or "quickies" twice a day. Or you may practice self-cultivation (as the Taoists refer to masturbation) that is so satisfying that partnered sex is enjoyable but not absolutely necessary. There is no "right" way to be a sexual woman. The sexual personality quiz in this chapter is meant for your perusal alone, to help you explore where you are sexually and identify the sexual self that you would like to manifest.

Taking a quiz on something as subtle and ever changing as sexuality can be difficult. As one of my students pointed out, while our sexuality may be as unique as a fingerprint, it is not nearly as permanent as one! The way in which we experience desire changes throughout our lifetimes and even throughout our weeks. Think of this quiz as simply a snapshot of you at this moment. When you're able to understand who you are in the present, it is possible to take the steps toward who you want to become on your sexual journey. Not all of the responses will fit perfectly for you, so choose the one that seems closest to your truth right now.

Please do your best not to judge yourself about your responses. It is easy to imagine that you are the only person with sexual challenges, but I assure you that this is far from the truth. I spend a good deal of my medical practice talking with my patients about their particular difficulties around sexuality. As we grow and change physically and emotionally, our sexual lives will undoubtedly offer us some challenges, no matter how sexually confident or capable we feel we are. If, for example, you rarely have sex and have never had an orgasm, this is not another opportunity to feel bad about it, but rather, a chance to be proud. You are choosing to read this book and ask for some assistance with your sexuality, something that might not have come easily for you. I hope this chapter and this book will help you to get excited about the sensual world that can unfold within your body.

Take the quiz, circling the answers that most closely approximate your experience. Add the numbers of your answers and put them in the subtotal space at the end of each section. If you wish, you can put your answers on a separate piece of paper. Refer to your subtotal as you read the two discussions that follow each of the five sections. Each discussion is targeted to those who scored within a certain range for that section. I encourage you to read both discussions, however, as many things discussed in the alternate section may apply to you as well.

If you do not wish to take the quiz, please read the discussions anyway. In them, I establish the "ground rules" for lovingly supporting yourself during your sexual exploration. And remember, this quiz is a gauge and not a grade. Approach it with a sense of curiosity and without self-judgment.

Your responses to the quiz will help you identify the roadblocks that prevent you from experiencing your full pleasure. Your answers will also help me guide you to the sections of the book that will be most helpful on your journey. It might be interesting for you to take this quiz again after you have read the book and integrated some of these practices into your life. Where are you starting from now, and where might you go? The possibilities are as endless as the vast landscape of your imagination. As the Taoists say, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." So let's begin.

SEXUAL PERSONALITY QUIZ

SEXUALITY

1. How frequently do you make love with a partner or masturbate?

1. Almost never.

2. One to two times a month.

3. One to two times a week.

4. Three times a week or more.

2. Compare the frequency of your sexual experiences now (either partnered lovemaking or masturbation) to a period of your life when you felt the most sexual desire. Your sexual frequency now is:

1. Much less frequent than at the height of your desire.

2. Somewhat less frequent than at the height of your desire.

3. Almost as frequent as at the height of your desire.

4. The most frequent that it has ever been.

3. After lovemaking, what percentage of the time do you feel completely satisfied?

1. Less than 25 percent.

2. About 50 percent.

3. About 75 percent.

4. Almost 100 percent.

4. What best describes your orgasmic pattern?

1. I am never or rarely orgasmic.

2. I sometimes orgasm.

3. I usually orgasm but cannot regularly have multiple orgasms.

4. I have multiple orgasms whenever I desire them.

Add the numbers for each of your answers and put the subtotal here.

Sexuality: ______

SEXUALITY

If your subtotal is less than 10:

Congratulations. This book is a wonderful place to begin discovering or re- discovering your sexual pleasure. There is no perfect number of times that one needs to make love per week to be a fully satisfied sexual being. Our desire for lovemaking will change throughout our lives and depending on our daily experiences. It is possible, however, for everyone to have a vibrant level of sexual energy and desire, which is part of the fullness of our human expression, our passion for life itself. It is our passion that allows us to fully engage in the world, to do good work, and to enjoy ourselves. We can use the tools of Western psychology and health in combination with Taoist principles to find and expand our sexual energy. In order to nurture your passion, I suggest you explore in full the exercises and recommendations in chapter 2 on stoking the fire within. The Taoist exercises that teach you to identify and expand your sexual energy--the Microcosmic Orbit and the Orgasmic Upward Draw in chapter 6 and Ovarian Breathing in chapter 8--are enormously useful in increasing the fullness and presence of desire.

Lack of satisfaction with lovemaking, on the other hand, can often be due to difficulty with your partner (see "Partner Profile" on page 21) or not enough knowledge about what it is that you need for pleasure. In chapters 4 and 5, I'll discuss at length how to get to know your own body and its responses. If it's orgasm that is sometimes difficult, I reveal in chapter 5 specific techniques that have been proven to help women orgasm, either alone or with a partner. Then in chapter 7, I divulge the secrets to multiple orgasms.

If your subtotal is 10 or more:

Your sexual journey is unfolding, and I can help you enhance and embolden your sexual pleasure. If you have been capable of great desire but are currently lacking your full desire, chapter 2 is devoted to discovering what may be blocking the flow of your passion. I will teach you how to nurture your passion and keep it full throughout your life. If your desire is raring and ready to go, begin learning the Taoist practices...