Destination Joy: Moving Beyond Fear. Loss, and Trauma in Recovery. - Softcover

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Earnie Larsen was a nationally known author and lecturer. A pioneer in the field of recovery from addictive behaviors and the originator of the process known as Stage II Recovery, Earnie authored numerous curricula, DVD's, audio CDs and books with Hazelden and other publishers, including his 2010 Hazelden book, Now That You're Sober: Week by Week Guidance from Your Recovery Coach, written with his sister, Carol Hegarty. With degrees from Loyola University and the University of Minnesota, Earnie had been a counselor for over 40 years. Larsen passed away in January 2011.

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from Chapter 1
Learning to Trust Your Story

The only truth we will ever find is in our stories. We are our stories.
Recovery demands we pay attention to what our stories have to tell us.

Want the best possible insights on recovery? Look at your own life story. Paying attention to your life is the best addiction and recovery education possible. Theory is good, but experience is the only proof. Only low spiritual self-esteem keeps us from seeing the grandeur of our own story. Low spiritual self-esteem is the belief that everyone else's story is full of courage, wonder, and beauty, but not our own. It fails to recognize that God is as active and powerful in our own lives as he is in others. Low spiritual self-esteem blocks us from the truth we need to move forward in our recovery. Truth, of course, comes in different flavors. One type of truth is intellectual and abstract, while another is lived and specific. They each serve an important but different purpose. Intellectual understanding of addictions and recovery is important because nothing is gained by crowning ignorance. We all must find and follow the truth about recovery as it plays out in our own lives, or we will forever be running to others, hoping they can deliver us from the uncertainty we find within. The type of truth that is lived is found in the book Alcoholics Anonymous, which Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) members affectionately refer to as the "Big Book." The heart of the Big Book is the personal truth spelled out in the experiences of the stories. Nothing is real until it becomes personal. This is what makes recovery real.

Sharing with Others

The Big Book tells us, first of all, to share our experience, not what we know, think, or memorize. Our truth is in our experience. From that comes strength and hope. If we want to know what works, we need to pay attention, to listen, to ask questions of others and ourselves. The answers we find will lead us onward to joy and abundance and light our way forward.

The founders of Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill W. and Dr. Bob, certainly did not sit around some coffee shop or university dreaming up a new theory of treating alcoholism. The Twelve Steps were drawn from the vast, churning, grinding machine of lost souls seeking freedom. It was born in blood, not water. Incredible spiritual power was generated by these two drunks sharing their experience, strength, hope, and wisdom in Henrietta Seiberling's carriage house in 1935. They weren't conjuring up dreams; they were fighting for their lives. In turn, they traded their self-reliance for God-reliance.

They learned the critical lesson of humility by being knocked down so hard neither one knew if he could ever get up. And they wouldn't have gotten up if they hadn't felt the power of fellowship with the God of their understanding and their recovering kin. Bill W. and Dr. Bob felt, saw, touched, and learned from their past experiences. The Twelve Steps are a direct result of those experiences. Bill W. and Dr. Bob learned by doing, and in doing they became the lights in the darkness shining down the corridors of time.

Us and Our "Isms"

Without a map, moving forward on our journey of recovery is dangerous and difficult, if not impossible. How could an effective, efficient program of progress be put in place without a map showing us where we are going? The recovery field knows how to arrest addictions. The question is "How do we learn to deal with our lives in a more organized, structured manner after that separation from the addiction—or the devastation caused by a close relationship with an addict?" My personal experience over the years is that there are many who hunger for more in their recovery. We call this rebuilding our lives after arresting the addiction Stage II™ Recovery. In this stage of recovery, we learn how to deal with the pain, shadows, and secrets in our lives. This may seem like a luxury for some people. For many of us, steady progress toward this "more in our recovery" is not a luxury at all. In fact, it may well be the difference between life and death. We all know we either recover or slide down the throat of whatever "ism" is snapping at our heels. Alcohol is the symptom of the disease of alcoholism. Take alcohol out of the equation, and what's left is us—us and our "isms."

From the very beginnings of Twelve Step fellowship, the founders of AA had this ongoing movement in mind when dealing with the "us" that is left after sobriety. On page 132 of the Big Book they admonish, "We absolutely insist on enjoying life."

I fully realize that many in recovery feel no need for ongoing growth aside from going to meetings, doing their readings, and being open to service work. They are doing fine at this point in their recovery, and they want nothing to do with anything like Stage II Recovery. My intention is certainly not to suggest anyone "should" or "needs to" or "must" do anything in the program. What others do in their program is not my business. I have enough trouble working my own program. My intent is to show anyone who is interested one possible road to recovery.

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If You've Been There, You Know

I encourage you to honor your story no matter how many bad times there may have been. Our story is all we have. It is the raw material we are given to make our existence a thing of beauty. What we have made and can make of those bad times, as bad as they may have been, shall be the most glorious part of all.

We have been there, and we do know. And what we have gained is priceless wisdom earned the only way wisdom is ever earned—by going into fire to get it. We all must leave a gift of blood at the spot where wisdom is won. Isn't that what wisdom has cost you, the price of blood?

If ever a college or university program were created that supposedly conferred wisdom, what would it look like? How would that class be conducted? What would the participants have to do to get their Ph.D.s?

You know. You probably already have a Ph.D. in life.

Everyone in recovery who gets up each morning committed to "practicing these principles in all our affairs" knows. Like you, I know and treasure many people in recovery who may be only semiliterate but who are geniuses in the ways of a life well lived. I seek out these giants so I can stand next to them hoping some small portion of their light may rub off. They are the glory and the treasure of the program. They have learned and in learning have become more than they ever thought possible. And we have learned! Look at your journey. Look where we have been and what has happened and what splendid lessons we have taken away from the fire.

If you've been there, you know:
What it means to be broken. You know the soul-saving lesson of having lost it all so that you may be opened up for more riches than you ever thought possible. We know what it is to hit bottom, to have no idea of where to go or what to do and so are forced to surrender to a Power greater than ourselves. And from that surrender, we are able to lay claim to a Power that truly is without end. How much is that lesson worth?

If you've been there, you know:
The indescribable agony of watching someone you love die an inch at a time from addiction and realizing there is nothing you can do about it. Or worse, thinking there is something you can do about it and that, in fact, you are responsible for the person's sobriety. (Even though half the time you think if the chemicals don't kill him or her, you will.)

But learning, I mean really learning, that we aren't in control of anyone else. None of us are. We love most genuinely by allowing and insisting the other reap the consequences of his or her own behavior. How...