CHAPTER 1

Finding Love If You Are Alone

(Hint: We all are alone, so read this chapter!)

Some people enjoy living with one person or more. Yet it is obvious that somepeople like to live alone, even some of the ones who say they desperately wantsomeone to share their life with.

In the free world, we're privileged with the choice to explore all availableaspects of life, if and when we so desire. We can choose to accept theconventional wisdom about our possibilities, given the circumstances of ourbirth and beyond, or we can choose to blaze a new trail and create newdefinitions of what is possible.

The meaning of your life is to give your life meaning. In our search to find ourspecial gifts and to use them, everyone has to go through different phases inlife that may alternate between desires to be either social or solitary. Webelieve that everyone should live alone for a time. Living alone may prove to bethe best way for you to bring your Soulmate into your life and the lives youtouch.

It is a pity when someone does not realize that living alone is just as valid achoice for a life of quality and meaning as a life lived with a Soulmate in thenext room. We feel extremely fortunate, blessed in fact, to have found eachother, and we have worked harder than most people to make our good fortune last,but that does not comment on or diminish anyone else's life choice.

We are not so arrogant and naïve as to think that we can offer any advice aboutbeing alone to those who have loved as we have and then suffered their partner'sloss and passage to the other side of this mortal plane. Even though I am aprofessional psychic medium who believes without doubt that we retain ouridentities after physical death, I do all I can to stay healthy and keep us safeand sound and together. For I also know beyond a doubt that living with thatkind of tragic loss and, in our case, dreading the time when it will almostcertainly come to pass is the dark side of "living happily ever after;" it comeswith the enchanted territory.

This brings us to one of the main reasons why many people who say they want tofind their Soulmate end up living alone. The fear of the thankfully unimaginablepain of losing one's Soulmate is enough of a reason to cause many people tosabotage themselves whenever they even suspect the possibility that a personthey have gotten close to or even just met might be The One.

Whether or not you decide to live alone or with another, problems will arisewhen people fail to be true to themselves and instead perform according toothers' expectations. If it is true, it is important not to be afraid to admitto others or to yourself that you really do like living alone and do not wantanyone disturbing your hard-won sovereignty over yourself.

How Do You Feel About Being Alone?

Inscribed upon the two pillars at the entrance to the Oracle at Delphi were thetwo essential pieces of advice for having a successful and healthy life:"Nothing in excess," and "Know thyself."

We all are alone, every one of us, and in many ways. At times the two of us feelalone because there do not seem to be many couples who have our kind ofrelationship. Inventing your own artistic style or trying to brush the "dirt" ofignorance and superstition off the buried treasure chest of ancient wisdom to befound in what has been mistakenly called the "occult" is a real challenge! Asthe saying goes, you can always tell the pioneers; they're the ones with thearrows in their backs.

Being true to yourself, expressing your creative self fully, and finding yourSoulmate will not guarantee a life free of suffering. It does mean that you willhave a partner with whom you can share your burdens.

Secret: Growth comes through self-examination and self-awareness.

Know thyself. In our case, it was our commitment to our mutual goal of personaland artistic development that allowed us to learn and help each other grow. Wemay not know the meaning of Life, but we have come to know the meaning of ourlife.

According to the Prussian Colonel von Klauswitz, the great military strategist,the first rule of warfare is, "make your base secure." This rule works just aswell for anyone with a goal. Our first and greatest "enemy," or obstacle, isusually our own self or, more accurately, that self 's fears.

A hero is just as afraid as a coward, but goes on in spite of his or her fears.All of us have these same fears, and the successful among us are the ones who goon anyway. By using plans and rules and the advice of elders and wise people asour armor and our army, we can all win our personal battle for love,contentment, and material success.

You cannot move on to finding your Soulmate if you are unduly uncomfortable withbeing alone. You build a house by starting with a strong foundation, the sameway you write books and build strong relationships. People secure enough to livealone can find the confidence in themselves to take risks in both relationshipsand on big projects.

The foundation of a committed relationship is the two people in it. If anyone ina relationship feels very insecure about himself or herself for whatever reason,real or imagined, the relationship itself will feel insecure, and it willeventually prove unsatisfying. If one or both of those people secretly yearns tolive alone, or if the temperaments involved are unsuitable for cohabitation andno one wants to admit it, all the books in the world won't help them to findtrue love. True love is true acceptance: acceptance of self and of the beloved.

How do you feel about being alone? This is not a trick question. There is an oldsaying, "for every pot, there is a lid," a clever way of suggesting that thereis a perfect match for everyone. However, people are not pots and choosing tolive by yourself is a valid life choice. If you are living alone now, it isimportant for you to honestly appraise your feelings about your situationwithout being unduly influenced by the endless pressures from your family,friends, and our entire culture to partner up, marry up, and hurry up and havechildren. If you learn...