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The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work (AGENCY/DISTRIBUTED) - Softcover
Inhaltsangabe
The workplace is a “blink” world: studies show that we form opinions of one another within seven seconds of meeting and that 93 percent of the messages people receive from us have nothing to do with what we actually say. So the ability to recognize and develop good nonverbal communication skills can be a huge professional advantage.
Carol Kinsey Goman combines the latest research and her twenty-five years of practical experience as a consultant, coach, and therapist in this fun and practical guide to understanding what you and the people you work with are saying without speaking. Cartoons, photos, entertaining anecdotes, and dozens of simple and enlightening exercises help readers gain control of the messages their bodies are sending so they can project a more accurate and compelling picture of who they really are to their colleagues, clients, and partners.
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Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor
Carol Kinsey Goman, PhD, is president of Kinsey Consulting Services. She has worked with over 130 organizations in twenty-one countries. Her work has been featured on CNN, Bloomberg Television, and NBC News.
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Introduction
The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.
—Peter F. Drucker
HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED…
What kind of impression am I making?
Should I believe what my boss told me?
Am I dealing with a potential buyer, or am I just wasting my time?
Did my whole team understand what I said?
What did the customer mean by that?
How do I know if he really supports my idea?
Is the audience angry, frustrated, interested, or bored?
The answers to such questions are right before your eyes. That’s because people in professional settings are constantly telling each other exactly what they think and feel—and it often has nothing to do with the words they speak. Your boss may say that you’ll be considered for a promotion, but if she’s leaning back with crossed arms and a forced smile, she’s sending the opposite message. The customer may say he’s not interested in buying that new car, but if he keeps glancing at the contract on the table, he’s telling you that he is interested.
The silent signals of nonverbal communication tend to reveal underlying motives and emotions—fear, honesty, joy, indecision, frustration—and much more. The tiniest gestures, like the way your co-workers stand or enter a room, often speak volumes about their confidence, self-worth, and credibility. And the way you sit, stand, or look at others reveals more about your true intent than you may realize.
Body Language Expertise
I’ve been an expert at using body language from the day I was born. You may be surprised to learn that you have been, too. As infants we displayed a variety of facial expressions to signal our moods and needs, pointed at objects of interest, and bonded with our mothers through the power of eye contact. As children we assimilated those gestures and expressions that were appropriate in our families and in our cultures. Then, as we grew older, we learned to refine (and disguise) signals that were too obvious or unwelcome.
We did most of this unconsciously.
It wasn’t until I was in a master’s program in college, preparing to be a therapist, that I became aware of the nonverbal signals that I’d been sending and receiving all my life. Training in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Ericksonian approaches to hypnosis and psychotherapy taught me how to observe people’s eye movements, facial expressions, and body postures to discover their inner motivation and resistance. When I began consulting to business organizations and speaking to national and then international audiences, I paid more attention to my own body language so that the gestures, postures, and expressions I used would accurately reflect the message I wanted to get across. I use these same insights and techniques with the executives and managers I now coach.
As I began doing research for this book, I learned of the most recent advances in the field. Scientists from evolutionary psychology, neurobiology, medicine, sociology, criminology, anthropology, and communication studies have all brought their methods and concepts to the field of nonverbal communication. The result is a deeper understanding of how and why body language is so powerful.
Body Language in the Workplace
A thorough understanding of the role that body language plays in our day-to-day business activities is vital. And yet I see it time and again: executives, managers, and salespeople who aren’t reading the clear signals of others or who don’t have a clue how their own nonverbal communication is sabotaging their efforts. At a time when it is widely recognized that professional success is achieved with or through other people, the power of, and the need for, good interpersonal skills couldn’t be greater. My goal with this book is to help you optimize the power of nonverbal communication in your professional life.
Image
“I take time to lick the customer’s face; I wag my tail when they talk; I jump up and down when they walk through the door. That’s what sets me apart from all the other salespeople!”
On the other hand, those who have mastered these skills—not only to accurately decode the silent signals of others but also to use body language that is aligned with the attitudes they want to project—gain a competitive advantage in business. And that applies to whatever business they are in!
If you are among America’s 2.3 million executives, 4.3 million salespeople, 6.8 million waiters, 735,000 lawyers, 567,000 doctors, 212,000 coaches, 842,000 police officers, 3.8 million teachers, 1 million security guards—or everyone else who deals with the public, makes presentations, or negotiates with or manages people—your professional success is tightly linked to your use and knowledge of body language.
The following are just a few examples of that link in action.
Leadership The effectiveness of command-and-control management tactics declined dramatically with the end of the Industrial Age. Today’s leaders, whether chief executives or first-line supervisors, must lead through influence rather than rely on the control (or the illusion of control) that a management position implies.
Influence relies on two things:
Image the ability to really understand the employee’s perspective, which in turn means listening to what’s being said and knowing how to read the messages that are being delivered nonverbally; and
Image the ability to communicate congruently, to align the spoken word with body language that supports, instead of sabotages, an intended message.
Education When it comes to motivating students to complete their work, nonverbal behavior is a prime factor in teacher effectiveness. Research studies with fifth-grade, high school, and college students found that learners at all levels reacted more favorably to teachers who used nonverbal immediacy cues: eye contact, affirmative head nodding, leaning forward, and smiling. Increasing immediacy behaviors dramatically improves students’ motivation, how much they like a class, and their willingness to follow the teacher’s or professor’s recommendation.
Sales The moment salespeople meet prospective customers, the customers are being judged by how they look and what they do. The process takes about seven seconds, but the impression lasts. Making or breaking a sale often depends on the nonverbal signals that are exchanged during this initial contact. Attire, body positions, expressions, facial movements, and eye contact are all factors to be understood and managed by the successful salesperson.
Negotiation Masterful negotiation results from being able to correctly read between the lines of what people are saying. One of the most powerful ways to do this is to acquire an understanding of body language. Effective negotiators recognize when they need to slow down or speed up the negotiation process. They know how to relieve anxiety and calm difficult situations. Rather than relying solely on verbal cues, however, the primary way they gauge what is happening is by watching for nonverbal behavior that signals someone’s unconscious, and therefore unmonitored, motivation.
Healthcare The relationship between physicians’ nonverbal communication skills and their patients’ satisfaction with medical care is substantial. Although the physicians’ nonverbal communication skills won’t affect patients’ ratings of the technical quality of care, doctors who are more sensitive to nonverbal cues and who express what the Medical College of Virginia calls “clinical empathy” create higher overall patient satisfaction—and are sued less often!
Law enforcement When interrogating suspects, instead of just listening for inconsistencies in what is said, trained police officers look for minute physical reactions on the faces of people being questioned, such as fleeting smiles that may indicate when a suspect believes he has fooled a questioner.
Customer service It has long been believed that a positive attitude among employees is key to the effective delivery of customer service. Research shows that an employee’s ability to detect nonverbal cues is just as important. An employee who is adept at reading body language is better equipped to identify what customers are truly thinking or feeling.
Virtually Yours
If a business leader is going to talk about new initiatives, strategic opportunities, or organizational transformations—or if he or she has to deliver bad news—my advice is to do so face to face. Likewise, if a team (even one that is geographically dispersed) is about to embark on a collaboration, I would advise beginning that process with an in-person meeting that allows team members to get to know one another.
In face-to-face interactions, our brains process a continuous cascade of nonverbal cues that we use as the basis for building trust and professional intimacy—both of which are critical to high-level collaboration. No such subliminal interpretation takes place with e-mail or other electronic discussion forums.
Until recently, that lack of subliminal interpretation in communication technology included videoconferences, but now Cisco Systems is one of several companies (Hewlett-Packard and Apple are two others) working on products that make the virtual experience almost the same as a face-to-face interaction. I saw an amazing demonstration of Cisco’s Tele-Presence Meeting. Using life-size high-definition video and directional sound technology, this new generation of videoconferencing makes participants like they are actually sitting in the same room with people who are on the other side of the world (or, in my case, across the Cisco campus in San Jose, California). Best of all, I was able to make eye contact with my virtual partners, and we could respond to each other’s expressions and gestures.
Image
Cisco’s TelePresence Meeting is the next best thing to being there.
Videoconferencing is just one aspect of a larger visual technology revolution that includes vlogs (video blogs—the frequent publishing of videos on the Web, featuring stream-of-consciousness content) and video-sharing Web sites such as YouTube. What this means for business professionals who used to hide behind their computer monitors is that they will soon be viewed instead of read. And they will need to sharpen their nonverbal communication skills.
Chapters Outline
This book presents a subject that I have found to be fascinating and valuable throughout my professional life. You’ll find photographs, cartoons, “Try This” suggestions, and real-life workplace examples. And, of course, in every chapter you’ll discover the secrets of effective body language with the science that backs them up.
Chapter 1: The Five C’s of Body Language lays a framework for the book by giving an overview of factors—context, clusters, congruence, consistency, and culture—that need to be considered when decoding the messages in someone’s body language.
The next five chapters take you through the body from head to toe. Chapter 2: Reading the Whole Body looks at emotional body language, physical postures, posing, and leanings to show how the entire body communicates. Chapter 3: The Eyes Have It explains the power of eye contact, gives general definitions for a variety of eye movements, and shows how to tell the difference between a business gaze and a social gaze. Chapter 4: Face to Face covers facial expressions and the emotions behind them. Included are the six expressions that are universally recognized and understood (joy, sadness, surprise, fear, disgust/contempt, and anger), how to tell a real smile from a fake one, and the meaning behind head positions. Chapter 5: Talking with Your Hands looks at hand and arm gestures and shows how they play a part in displaying confidence, openness, resistance, and anxiety. Chapter 6: Feet First explores the fascinating body language of the feet and the legs—parts of the body where gestures often go unnoticed.
Chapter 7: You’re in My Space looks at spatial zones—those distances between people that are most appropriate for intimate, personal, social, and public interactions. In this chapter you’ll learn why seating arrangements are so important in business meetings and what someone’s office can tell you about the person.
Chapter 8: The Power of Touch examines touch cues, with special emphasis on the elements of an effective business handshake. It also looks at “touching etiquette” in the workplace and why even a momentary touch can create a human bond.
Chapter 9: Translating Body Language across Cultures looks at some of the cultural differences in nonverbal communication. From greeting behaviors to hand gestures to the use of personal space to body postures and touch, what feels right in one culture may be ineffective or even offensive in another.
Chapter 10: Selling Your Message without Saying a Word lets you see how others are interpreting your body language signals. You’ll learn how to make a positive impression in that crucial first seven seconds of meeting someone, how to project your natural charisma, and how to be more confident leading team meetings or giving business presentations.
One note: If you think that body language skills are a way to fool or manipulate people, you may be surprised to learn that it’s just the opposite. The nonverbal advantage lies in learning how to use body language to enhance sincere messages of candor, caring, and rapport. You can’t fake sincerity—at least not for very long. But then, neither can anyone else.
Skill Building
Using nonverbal communication as a business tool means becoming conscious of what was previously a mostly unconscious process. Instead of just having a feeling about someone, you can learn which body signals led you to that insight—and then decide whether your conclusion was valid. Instead of just hoping you are making a good impression, you can learn the nonverbal signals of confidence and credibility.
Mastering this essential set of professional skills is not a matter of learning something new; rather it’s becoming aware of how powerful nonverbal communication is and honing your innate instincts and talents to better harness that power. This means you can become more proficient at understanding and projecting body language in a single reading of this book. And with practice you will be able to improve the reliability of your first impressions; decode eye, facial, and body gestures with conviction; quickly build rapport with clients and team members; understand what people are reading in your body language; and take control of the nonverbal messages you are sending.
Best of all—it’s fun! You can sharpen your skills while waiting at the airport, during a business meeting or family dinner, or at a party with your friends. You’ll be amazed at the insights you’ll gain into what the body language of others is saying to you—and how much you’ll learn about your own nonverbal signals. And when you apply these new insights to your professional relationships, you’ll find that the nonverbal advantage becomes a key to business success.
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