Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Rachel Pepper is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist whose specialties include working with the LGBT community. She is the author of several books, including The Transgender Child, and the award-winning collection, Transitions of the Heart: Stories of Love, Struggle and Acceptance by Mothers of Transgender Children. She lives on an urban farm in The Bay Area of California with her family, her dog, a couple of cats, and a flock of chickens.

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Transitions of the Heart

CLEIS PRESS

Contents

Foreword • Kim Pearson..................................................................xviiIntroduction • Rachel Pepper............................................................1Sean • Nancy Moore......................................................................7Discovering Raffi • Marion Freedman-Gurspan.............................................13Dear Friends and Family • Barbara Gurr..................................................23A Hard Road • Mary Lou Houle............................................................28A Twin Story • Melissa McLaren..........................................................35My Name is Alba • Alba Nubia Lopez Gomez................................................43One of Life's Surprises • Brenda lee....................................................50A Blessing in Disguise • Judy Sennesh...................................................57I Wish Her Happiness Most of All • Dana Lane............................................60Hatch, Mister Sister • Mary Doyle.......................................................70Jenna, Now John • Ingrid Charbonneau....................................................76Silly Ma Ma! I'm a Boy • Kate Levy......................................................85Transition Mama • Kathleen Finn.........................................................91Our Story • Sharon Brown................................................................98From AM to PM • Georgia Meyers..........................................................102Living Between Two Worlds • Anonymous...................................................107He is Finally Living His Dream • Betti Shook............................................111I'm not Isabelle, I'm Isaboy • Tracie Stratton..........................................118We Have All Come to Peace With It • Sue.................................................124My Daughter Was Always Different • Ann Ferraiolo........................................129Am I Doing the Right Thing? • Jennifer L. Kahler........................................137My Princess Boy: An Interview with Cheryl Kilodavis • Rachel Pepper.....................142Ceeb • Debi Russell.....................................................................146Kid Chrysalis • Amy Marsh...............................................................152Transfamily • michelle schnur...........................................................158Camp I Am • Diana Wilson................................................................164To My Child • Geraldine Boothe..........................................................171Still the Same Soul • Rebecca Lewis.....................................................175Jim and Kat • Leslie Keeney.............................................................181My Son is Ivan Michael • Marie Stouffer.................................................186When I Knew • Ann Lynn..................................................................190What I Didn't Say • Anna Randolph.......................................................197Glossary.....................................................................................200Resource Guide...............................................................................204

Chapter One

Nancy Moore

I didn't see him coming. I didn't have a little girl who looked or acted in any way like a boy, and my early-adolescent Sarah was tiny, with flowing hair, painted nails, and a continuous stream of boyfriends. Sarah was a little sister, the younger of my two daughters, a niece, a granddaughter.

I'm writing this essay while looking at two pictures of the same person. One is an old picture of Sarah when she was thirteen years old, her beautiful self smiling back at me. Next to this picture is one of my son, before testosterone, but after coming out as transgender. This is a photograph of my wonderful boy, now with short hair, the same big, brown eyes, wearing his signature leather jacket and looking into the camera with confidence and a broad grin—someone I would not have missed knowing for anything in the world.

When Sarah was seventeen, I picked her up from an out-of-state summer arts program and watched her say good-bye to a friend who addressed her as "Sean." Sean. This was the first time I had heard the name my child had chosen for himself, and it is probably not an exaggeration to say that at that moment a tectonic plate shifted under my feet.

Acknowledging this name was important, I knew. But I was in complete panic, and it was like that for a while as Sean patiently (and not so patiently) educated me about what he had been experiencing and what he knew to be true about himself. He also had certain requests, one of them being that I say "he," "him," and "his" when referring to him. For some parents, "mastering the pronouns" may feel enormously challenging, but by using these identifiers, I feel like I have won Sean's respect.

I was very active in my children's lives, yet Sean's transgender world was something I refused to educate myself about, at first. I shied away from reading or watching anything on the subject of gender identity. I didn't look into support groups or seek out parents of transgender children. Yet when someone suggested that Sean's identity was "just a phase," with the intention of consoling me, my back went up, and I found myself defending my new son and praising his courage.

I was counting on my child to guide me. He seemed to be educating everyone around him, all the time, yet this was a lot to ask of such a young person who was only just learning who he was. To have to blaze a trail as trans in an inner-city high school, in addition to educating his own parents, must have been very difficult for him. But Sean was a good and able teacher. And so it seems especially poignant that he is now in graduate school studying to be a teacher. He is also an activist for transgender rights.

Does the path from birth to transgender ever follow a straight line? Sarah had come out as a lesbian at age fifteen. We were all sitting around the Thanksgiving table at my mother's house. I had recently divorced my husband of twenty years, and we were spending this day with my extended family. Sarah sat to my left and her big sister to my right.

Toward the end of the meal, Sarah climbed onto my lap and asked if we could go around the table and each say what we were most thankful for. As her turn approached, she said something about school, yet I could feel her petite frame vibrating with emotion. When everyone was done, she grabbed her sister's hand under the table, took a deep breath, and asked, in a wobbly voice, if we could go around the table again because someone might have left something out.

Everyone became quiet as we each, again, found something to be grateful for, waiting for what was obviously something important from Sarah. This time around, she said that she was grateful that her parents had "come out" as unhappy in their marriage, because this gave her permission to come out as gay. The table was stunned into silence for only a brief moment, and then my family...