CHAPTER 1

The Best Path to Follow Is Your Own

I've Got Just the Perfect Thing, You Look Great, and Other Lies

Saying no can be the ultimate self-care.

—Claudia Black

When I was sixteen years old I got a job at the Gap. It had long been my dreamto work among the colors and textures of my favorite clothing store. On the job,I learned which styles of jeans looked good on which body types and how to tellthe size of a shirt without looking at the tag. I loved talking with happyshoppers and working in a place where upbeat music played on the stereo all daylong. With my 50 percent employee discount, I could afford lots of clothes eventhough I earned only minimum wage. I felt satisfied at the end of each monthwith a full closet, even though my bank account was empty.

Yet there were a few things about the job I hated. The fluorescent lighting, forone. Walking around in oh-so-stylish yet oh-so-uncomfortable shoes for eighthours, for another. The boredom of days when nobody came shopping and I wouldfold the same pile of shirts seventeen times for lack of anything else to do,for a third. Worst of all, however, was the manager, whose name and face I haveforgotten but whose high-pitched voice and singsong tone will forever ring in myears. "Sell, sell, sell," she would trill. "Don't forget to accessorize thecustomers!" Translated from manager language, "accessorize the customers" meantpressure people to buy a handful of small items that they would not otherwisedream of purchasing. I could fold a mean shirt, could clear the dressing roomsin record speed, and knew a guy's waist and length measurements at a glance, butaccessorizing was not a skill I was able to master. I felt like a jerk saying,"I've got a great belt that would go fabulous with those pants!" My lack ofenthusiasm for alerting customers to the lime green socks that had (notsurprisingly) just gone on sale for $1.99 was often criticized. My managerscolded, "Amanda, your customers aren't buying enough. Push the new lip balm."

"Sell, sell, sell," she would trill. "Don't forget to accessorize thecustomers!"

Stores are full of people trying to get you to buy things. If nobody caredwhether or not you left the store with a purchase, there would be no need forsalespeople pacing the floor, making sure you found the right size, escortingyou to a dressing room, and introducing themselves with their names and "Let meknow if you need anything else." Although your ego may get a boost when thestylish saleswoman compliments your "great pants" or "beautiful necklace,"chances are her motives are skewed. Her aim is to create an environment whereyou feel happy, confident, and welcomed. What better way to do that than withsome good old-fashioned flattery? You feel like a minor celebrity when thesaleswoman at the store exclaims, "I absolutely love your hair!" You, of course,absolutely love the compliment. You stand a little taller, smile a littlebigger. All the people in the store are admiring you, the woman with thefabulous hair. Suddenly everything you try on fits perfectly, and you end upwith your arms full of clothes to buy. Coincidence? I think not.

I'm not saying that your hair isn't fabulous or your outfit doesn't looksmashing on you; I'm sure those things are true. What I am saying is, Becautious. How many people do you think the saleswoman compliments in a singleday's work? More than one, you can be sure. She is generous with her flattery,and the more lavish she is with kind words, the more lavish you will be withyour wallet. A shop is probably not the best place to make friends or ask forhonest opinions. Of course the clerks are going to be smiling at you and sayingyou look great—you're paying their salaries.

Ignore sale signs that tempt you to buy skirts that pull a little too tightaround the rear.

Often someone will try to get you to do things that will benefit them but maynot benefit and may even harm you. This is why you must figure out what you wantand then follow your own way. Saying "No" is essential, because when you blazeyour own trail, you must stay true to yourself and may need to sidestep someonewho can hinder or interfere with your plan.

Begin by saying "No" when you're shopping. First say "No" to any salesperson whooffers you anything you don't want. Ignore sale signs that tempt you to buyskirts that pull a little too tight around the rear or trendy pink tennis shoesthat (although they are adorable) will never see the outside of your closet.Tell those T-shirts that call out to you "Buy three, get one free" that you onlyneed one, not four. Tell the clerk at the checkout, "No, I do not want to applyfor another credit card" and "No, I do not need socks to match my shirt" and "NoI would not like to see the new jewelry you just got in." You'll actually leavefeeling energized and more confident than if you had said "Yes" to all thetempters. Instead of having a closet full of ordinary things that you resent fortaking up money and space, you'll have room for what you really love. You canput the money toward that beautiful long coat or buy the leather journal you'vealways desired. Saying "No" brings empowerment—you, and only you, are in chargeof your shopping trip.

Not only do we need to say "No" to pushy salespeople and seductive sale signs,but we also need to deal with other people who try to take advantage of us orwant us to spend our precious life minutes in unfulfilling ways. Get comfortablewith saying "No" while shopping, and then incorporate this little word intoother areas of your life. Soon you'll be able to tell the waitress, "No, it isnot okay that my food is cold." You'll tell the car dealership, "No, I do notneed an extended warranty." The phone solicitors will hear, "No, I am notinterested in a free carpet cleaning." But do not stop there. Say "No" tofriends and family who ask for more than you can give. Tell your roommate, "No,please don't leave dirty dishes in the sink." Say to your guy, "Sorry, sweetie,but I won't iron your clothes." Make it clear to your mother-in-law that "Ican't come to dinner every Sunday night. How about once a month?"

Saying "No" frees you. By saying "No" at the store, you open up closet space andleave room on your credit card for the purchases that truly reflect your style.By saying "No" at home, you free up time in your busy calendar to spend doingthose things that truly make you happy.

Keeping Up with Martha

I've always believed that one woman's success can only help another woman'ssuccess.

—Gloria Vanderbilt

I am a huge Martha Stewart fan. I absolutely adore her and love everything shedoes, especially the "Good Things" segment of...