CHAPTER 1

Our Life's Assignment

The only thing you have to offer another human being, ever, is your own state ofbeing.

—Ram Dass

While we were writing this book, we sometimes wished we could travel to amountaintop and focus entirely on our writing. If we could only remove ourselvesfrom the activity of our day-to-day lives, we reasoned, we could more clearlywrite our deepest feelings about living from the heart.

It never happened. Our three children—eighteen-year-old Rami, thirteen-year-oldMira, and five-year-old John-Nuriel—each needed us in their own way. Inaddition, our commitment to helping others and our financial responsibilities(we built a new home and center) could not be abandoned. So, writing this bookhad to be juggled among homework needs, running a nonprofit, public serviceorganization, play rehearsals, counseling clients, before-school meetings, gamesof Uno, getting a young adult ready for college, hide and seek, and travel allover the country to conduct workshops. Sometimes we couldn't resist envyingother authors who could focus entirely on their writing.

In the final stages, however, we realized that working on the book in the midstof home, family, and service responsibilities has given our writing a specialquality. We didn't need to leave our involvement with the world in order to feellove within ourselves and for one another. Instead, we realized the highestspirituality is attained through loving ourselves and one another in the midstof all the interruptions and responsibilities of everyday life. Learning ourtrue purpose here on Earth—completing our soul assignment, if you will—requiresour willingness to behold two things: the beauty of our loved ones and of allbeings and things outside us and the beauty of our own being reflected back fromthe great mirror of life.

As the two of us have traveled throughout the country sharing our work, we haveoften heard people describe the same spiritual longing—a longing for deeperconnection not only with other people but with their own hearts as well. Many ofthe people we have met are trying to connect more deeply with themselves andwith others. Regardless of whether they are single or a couple, they aresearching for spiritual meaning in their lives and a deeper sense of peacewithin themselves.

We have met some people who, in their efforts to reach God, the light of allcreation, have avoided intimate relationships altogether. They believe the onlyway to attain true spiritual awakening is by shunning the world and itscomplexities. Often, these people are convinced that by remaining single andsolitary, they are coming closer to the highest spiritual awareness. Inaddition, we have met many couples who are experiencing difficulty in theirrelationship and who seriously doubt that being in relationship can possiblyenhance their spiritual growth.

Indeed, throughout the course of history, spirituality was often kept separatefrom relationships. Individuals following a spiritual discipline often felt theyneeded to stay away from relationships in order to awaken. In their minds, arelationship was thought to be a "worldly" activity, a departure from thespiritual path.

Through our own joining—a journey of thirty-five years so far—we have learnedsomething very different about the nature of spiritual awakening andrelationships. We believe that the essence of every individual is a vastspiritual energy, a radiant light that is helping us to grow and unfold thepetals of a magnificent flower. That flower, that magnificent inner light, isus—our real identity. It is only by knowing this deepest part of ourselves thatwe can acquire true wisdom, true happiness, and "the peace that passes allunderstanding."

In addition, we have learned that the process of joining with another can be asacred path. Far from being an obstacle to our spiritual development,relationships can actually be catalysts for the unfolding of the flower ofourselves. Walking the path of relationship deepens the soul's capacity forcompassion and the heart's capacity for embracing love, and helps us tounderstand love's cycles of giving and receiving. The closer we come to another,the better we come to know ourselves, and, in so doing, the closer we come toGod, the ever-present light and love within and all around us.

In this book, you may find many new ideas, but to us they're not new at all—they'reas old as love itself. Unfortunately, much of the wisdom about lovinghas simply been lost in our culture. We have written this book to reclaim thatlost wisdom, and we hope to help it root once again in our present-day world.

One of the ideas at the heart of this book that may seem new to some readers isthe image of relationship as a soul mirror. Through this metaphor, we hope toshow people how every relationship—no matter its duration or configuration—is amirror in which they can see and understand the deeper, hidden parts ofthemselves. No one can grow spiritually without introspection, a journey insidethemselves. A mirror is a device for looking at ourselves, for seeing the partsof ourselves that are difficult, if not impossible, to see without this help.Every relationship offers us just such a reflection of ourselves, if we arewilling to look, and learn, and grow. Yet more than merely showing us ourdefects and shortcomings, and how we need to grow, the mirror of relationshipcan, more important, help us see our own beauty and lovability. Through theprocess of loving and being loved in return, we can reclaim our true spiritualgreatness.

The Path's Three Phases

We have learned that the path of spiritual awakening and the path ofrelationship have much in common. Each has three main phases. The first is the"heavenly glimpse." Whether it be a glimpse of the light of God (within us) or aglimpse of the light of a lover (outside us), we have a...