Your First Questions Answered

"Who writes the notes?"

In the past, the bride would write the notes and sign her name. Today, most couples share this responsibility.

Writing the notes can be a pleasant way for the two of you to spend an hour or so together each evening. It will help you relive your wedding memories and give you an opportunity to talk about the ways you can use the gifts you've received.

When you share this experience with your partner, you will find that the task is quickly completed. After you're finished, you will both have more time to spend doing your favorite things.

"Do we sign both our names?"

Yes, most couples today sign their thank-you notes with both names.

"Can I sign a note with my married name if I write it before the wedding?"

No, prior to the wedding you would sign with your maiden name.

"When do I send the notes?"

As soon as possible. If the gift arrives up to one week before the wedding, you should send the note within three weeks of its arrival. If you receive the gift after that, four weeks after the wedding is considered the maximum acceptable amount of time for sending out your notes. (This assumes you went on a honeymoon immediately after the wedding.)

A note that arrives months after the wedding lacks enthusiasm. It is inconsiderate. It leaves the giver wondering if you received the gift (unless you sent an acknowledgment card). Remember, she spent time helping you or selecting your gift. She's not expecting too much when she hopes to hear that you enjoyed what she gave you. It is also easier to write the note if you do it while everything is still fresh in your mind.

"What are some ways to save time?"

If you follow these four suggestions, you'll find that you can speed up the process.

* Address the envelopes for your thank-you notes far in advance of writing them. If you do it at the same time that you write your invitations, you will only have to gather the addresses once.

* As soon as you receive a gift, write a description, such as "a hand-painted vase with intricate floral designs." You can use the description when writing your note.

* Have a system of recording gifts to keep track of names and each item received (see chapter 2 for organizational tips).

* Write your notes as the gifts arrive.

"Whom do I send thank-you notes to?"

Send a note to anyone who gave you a gift, attended a celebration, or went out of his or her way to help. This includes members of the wedding party such as ushers, bridesmaids, ring bearers, and flower girls. People you see every day — including both sets of parents, siblings, or friends — still deserve a note of thanks.

You will send more than one note to just about everyone on your guest list. Each gift deserves its own thank-you note. For example, do not thank someone for both her shower gift and wedding gift in the same note; write separate notes for both gifts.

It doesn't matter how small the gift or favor might have been — you should still send the person a note of gratitude.

"Can I send a thank-you note before the wedding?"

Yes! In fact, it will make the process much easier if you write your note as soon as you receive the gift or favor.

"What return address should I use if I write the note before the wedding?"

Use your current address. If you know the address you will use after the wedding, include that information with your note.

"Should I mail them as I write them or wait and send all the notes at the same time?"

If the gift is received before the wedding, write and mail the note as soon as you receive the gift. After the wedding, you might want to mail all the notes together or in batches.

If you don't mail them together, try to sort and send them in groups that may have contact with one another. Coworkers, neighbors, friends, or close relatives might mention to one another that they received your note. It would be wise to make sure that all members of that group receive their notes at the same time. It may sound like a lot of trouble, but believe me, if you don't mail them at the same time, you'll be hearing, "So-and-so received her thank-you note today and I didn't. Didn't you receive my gift?"

"Is it enough to thank someone in person?"

It's nice to thank a guest in person, but it is not enough. A handwritten note of thanks is a better display of gratitude.

"Is it okay to e-mail or text my thank-yous?"

Not if you are trying to use either as a replacement for a handwritten thank-you note.

"We posted a nice thank-you message on our wedding Web site. Isn't that enough?"

No, that type of message is not personal enough. An individual note, written on stationery by you or your partner, is the right way to thank everyone who helped or gave gifts.

"We placed little scrolls with preprinted thank-you verses next to each plate at the reception. Isn't that enough?"

It is a nice gesture. However, it does not replace the personal touch of a handwritten note that specifically mentions why you are thanking your guests.

"We sent out preprinted acknowledgment cards as we received each gift. Isn't that enough?"

Sending out acknowledgment cards is a great way to let your guests know that their gifts were received. It eases any concerns they might have about their delivery. Do acknowledgment cards replace handwritten thank-you notes, though? No, they are still not personal, handwritten gestures of gratitude.

"We bought nice cards with preprinted verses to sign and mail. Isn't that enough?"

A card with a catchy preprinted message, using words that seem more clever than you might write yourself — very tempting! But it doesn't begin to mean as much as a handwritten note. Think about it. When you receive a card, what do you really want to read — the preprinted message or the personal note from the sender?

Even worse are cards with preprinted verses and preprinted signatures. You might think, "Oh, what a great time saver!" The recipient will think, "What a waste of time and postage. This person really doesn't care enough to send me a personal note."

"I plan to type each personal note on the computer and then print them onto some nice paper. What's wrong with that?"

It is not a fitting substitute for a handwritten note. Yes, it is easier. Yes, other people do it. Neither of those reasons makes it the right thing to do. The point is that you...