YOU ARE STILL ALIVE

This revelation may seem obvious, but for many trauma victims there is a sense of numb detachment from the body and the world. There's no denying that if you're reading this, you're alive; something you discovered (to your surprise) after your traumatizing event. I say surprise because that's what trauma is; a terrible, horrible, surprise that leaves you feeling helpless and hopeless. The perception of pending death or serious injury is part of the definition of being traumatized. This means that you truly believed that you would not survive. But you did. And depending on who you are and what happened to you, this can either be good news or bad news. Since this is your life and your journey, you get to decide how you want to feel about being alive after what you've been through.

What does it mean to be alive? It means that your heart is still beating, blood is flowing throughout your body, your brain, heart, lungs, kidneys and intestines are functioning. These are not things you have to 'make' happen; they're just happening. Being alive means you exist. It means you, like any other living thing, have the ability to grow, expand and change. Being alive is not the same as living. Being alive requires minimal, to no effort on your part, while living requires effort and courage. Living means intentionally interacting with your environment. It can take significant effort, and courage, to reengage with the world, with life, with people or with yourself. So, the revelation that you are still alive is a call to consciousness; a call to action, a call to that part of you that's not done yet; the part of you that survived the horror and wants to be more than its victim. I've seen people who were blown up, shot or beaten to the point of physical death; yet they are walking and talking. Some of these people find their new state of existence to be overwhelming and debilitating, and become stuck in a constant state of crisis, while others find a way to use this new form to learn, heal and teach themselves, and others, how to live again.

Living means choosing to interact with your environment. You choose to get out of bed. You choose to take a shower and get dressed. You choose to eat. You choose to go to work. You choose to interact with family and friends. You choose to date. You choose to be in an intimate relationship. You choose to become involved with coworkers, organizations or church. At the heart of any of these choices, is the decision to step outside of the fortress you created following your trauma. The choice to live again means having the courage to risk being seen, being touched, being cared for, being loved, being hurt, being betrayed and being safe again. Choosing to live again is choosing to stretch, expand and grow into the next best version of you. The risk is the possibility of losing it all again, but the reward is a stronger more conscious version of You. Essentially, choosing to live again means choosing to be the next best version of Yourself in the face of constant change and uncertainty. A caterpillar has no idea how to be a butterfly, and yet it does all it can do to live fully as a caterpillar. The result, is a gorgeous and healthy butterfly. So yes, you can do everything right, and still things will change. An acorn has no idea how to be an oak tree, and yet it sits in the dark earth, breaks apart, reaches for the light, stretches toward the sun, year after year; it breaks and stretches until it becomes a mighty oak tree. You are the one constant in your life! Wherever you go, there You are. You get to choose how you show up, over and over and over again, regardless of the situation.

Built into every living thing is the information, the essence, the knowing, of how to be the ultimate expression of itself. What sets us apart from all other living things, is cognition, judgement and choice. We think; We judge; We Choose. This process slows us down, and can stop us all together, on the journey to becoming the next best version of ourselves. Ironically, the very part of us that makes us 'evolved humans,' can also make us behave as though we are untamed animals ... lurking in the shadows, at the mercy of our environment, isolated, defensive, aggressive, shy, suspicious and unapproachable; all because we think this will keep us safe. Posttraumatically, our cognition, judgment and choices are made from a trauma victims' perspective. Trauma is a horrible surprise that rewires our information circuits to the point of disorder. Trauma changes everything! How you see, how you hear, how you feel, how you taste and how you smell, are all changed. Consequently, all that matters, is never being surprised again. In this state, living doesn't seem like an option; only surviving. To heal from the wounds of horror and terror, victims must make the choice to live. Otherwise they will remain stuck on the posttraumatic rollercoaster, reliving the traumas over, and over again. Every breath, every minute, every hour and every day, is a chance to start over. Your life; your choice.

Think about who you were before the traumatic event, or events, that you have survived. Think about the person you were before all hell broke loose, and you believed you were 'done.'

Pause.

Now, think about who you are now. What has life been like since you were traumatized? What is your life like now? Pause.

Now, think about who you want to be. Try to imagine what you would do if fear was not an option. What would you do if you could not fail? What small steps can you take toward the person you want to be? These steps can be as small as getting out of bed, taking a shower, having a meal, calling a supportive person, leaving your house, taking a walk or even brushing your teeth. Depending on where you are on your journey, the steps will vary. The step doesn't matter as much as the choice to move. On the following pages, I invite you to write (without judgement) about what you would do if you could not fail and steps you can take now toward who you want to be. No step is too small, and no goal is too big.

WHILE YOU WERE OUT, SOMETHING KEPT YOU ALIVE

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This revelation may be off putting for some, so bear with me. Whether you're a scientist, atheist, agnostic, spiritual or religious person, your body experienced an event that disrupted your state of consciousness. Regardless of what you believe in, something bigger, stronger and smarter than you — call it God, Universe, Elohim, Jesus, Yeshuah, Spirit, Buddha, Allah or Energy; it kept you alive when you thought you were going to die. That's what trauma is; an event so overwhelming to the senses that your brain believes death, or serious harm, is imminent and the body prepares to die. But you don't. Instead your body freezes, for seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months depending on the physical impact of the traumatic...