Paris

The things we did for love.

"Did you know that the global wedding industry is worth three hundred billion dollars? The US stake alone is fifty-five billion?" I waved my phone displaying the appalling data in front of my husband's face.

The stats had gotten worse in the two and a half years since our own wedding.

Neal, as usual, didn't share my outrage at mankind's follies, so he shrugged as if the matter was of no consequence to him — which it wasn't — and with infinite patience he brushed my hovering hand away from his face and continue to do unspeakable things to my mouth.

We were attending our fourth wedding of the year. Fourth! And, I'd been invited to half a dozen baby showers over the past ten months — two of which I hadn't been able to avoid. As if squealing over fake fluffy bunnies wasn't bad enough, such events were filled with busybodies who wanted to know when I was going to deliver some "good news" of my own. Seriously, the next person who asked me that question was going to end up in the city morgue. On an autopsy table. Exactly what was the correlation between pregnancy and "good" news, I had no clue. As if not being pregnant was "bad" news? Aargh! I could scream.

I'd bet that when Neal and I gave them our special news, they wouldn't care for it either. Our families were going to go ballistic when they heard that we were considering gestational surrogacy when I was perfectly capable of bearing children.

Well, physically capable, at least. Mentally and emotionally? The jury was still out.

Since Neal had more faith in our mothers than I did, he was welcome to explain it to them when it was time.

"Homo sapiens. Bat-shit crazy lot," I mumbled from the corner of my mouth, trying to keep my lips still as Neal worked on them, while going nearly cross-eyed as I recounted the zeroes that were peppered across the wedding industry article in Reuters. "And never satisfied with their lot in life." Maybe it wasn't billions but millions.

Nope. Eleven zeroes tacked behind the cardinal number three. My hope for humanity plummeted to earth. If that didn't prove beyond reasonable doubt that Man itself was the natural disaster devastating the world, I didn't know what did. What kind of senseless, overbred animal spends that kind of money on a fantasy ceremony solely created to propagate an even bigger fantasy, that of a perfect union and its glory-ever-after?

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't against the institution of marriage. I fully approved when compatible people tied the proverbial knot or cohabitated in a mutually beneficial fashion. Like my adoptive parents — the second set, as opposed to the first abominable pair — who'd been an excellent example of a square peg in a square hole kind of couple. Mr. and Mrs. Samuel and Lily Kahn had been harmoniously well matched on all fronts until the Judge's death separated them four years ago.

A second great example was my own marriage, which, though not of the square-peg-square-hole variety, was nothing short of marvelous — on most days. I'd married an amazing man who stroked my brain as vigorously as he stroked my emotions ... and other interesting carbon-based assets. I'd absolutely hit the jackpot in the supportive husband sweepstakes. So, it behooved me not to screw things up and tread carefully with the surrogacy plans. Do not dictate. Discuss.

Neal and I had narrowed our list of potential surrogates down to two women and then reached a stalemate. Neal preferred Martha who came highly recommended by his close friends in California. I liked her too — our interviews had gone well — but she lived simply too far away. I couldn't even begin to imagine the scheduling and travel nightmare for both Neal and I every time we had to make it to a doctor's appointment. If it were up to me, I'd Skype in for the ultrasounds. But my husband wanted to actively experience the entire gestation since it would be the only one he'd — we'd — have. The other candidate was from Connecticut, just two hours away by car. We could see her every weekend if we wished. However, we hadn't clicked quite so well with her as we'd done with Martha. Le sigh. It would be so much easier if our surrogate lived in or around New York City, but compensated surrogacy was illegal in New York State thus not an option.

Well, no point in stressing over it right now as we weren't making any decisions this weekend. Better to put everything away and bask in my husband's masterful strokes instead.

Neal's touch was liquid cool on my face, arousing even when he didn't mean to stimulate, as it moved across my eyes and cheeks, brushed over my chin and throat. Though he didn't look it, the dear lad was dead on his feet from a sixteen-hour f light — hence the one-word responses, grunts and shrugs at my attempts at marital repartee. Or, was he still brooding over our impasse about the surrogates? Time-out, Counselor. Repetitive.

Either way, my husband was simply too sweet for not succumbing to a jet-lagged stupor after his whirlwind business trip to Asia. Instead, he'd rushed home from JFK, dumped his travel suiter, taken a hasty wake-up shower, loaded our wedding weekend bags in our metallic blue Tesla, picked me up from the courthouse only to dodge traffic for the next two hours on the I-87 North until we reached the vineyard in time for my college friend Lavinia's wedding rehearsal dinner. After all that dashing around, he was still on his feet taking care of my needs. Mind you, I had asked nicely for his help in putting on my war paint. Neal was just so much better at makeup than I was. So, yes, I would recommend the state of wedded bliss — or even unwedded togetherness — to anyone who'd had the good fortune to find herself (or himself ) a Neal Singh Fraser.

In summation, I wasn't against marriage. What I objected to was the hoopla surrounding the ceremony. The wanton waste of time, money and resources in the planning and execution of said hoopla. How could anyone with an ounce of empathy justify spending such garish sums of money on a frivolous party when there were children starving in the world? When scribbling names in front of a marriage registrar in city hall — or the like — worked just as well as an elaborate exchange of vows in front of a priest or officiator? What difference did it make if two souls merged into one entity in front of four people or four hundred? The object of the exercise was to legalize a couple's commitment to each other, wasn't it? But no, some people weren't satisfied until a three-ring circus supplemented their nuptials, even when they knew, deep in their hearts, that sooner or later another even bigger circus would herald their uncoupling. Point in fact were the hundreds of embittered divorces and child custody battles filling up the dockets in family court. I'd been six when I was dragged into one such abominable battle between my first set of adoptive parents, so I knew firsthand what happened when love died and marriages fell apart. It was that kind of wanton waste I objected to. Not that I expected Lavinia and Juan's upstate New York lovefest to end in divorce. Or my own marriage. I didn't.

Shtup. Did I?

Neal sidestepped to the vanity and suddenly the embossed yellow leaves on the maple-colored wall tile were brought up close. We were inelegantly squashed inside...