TANGLE: I WILL BE HAPPY WHEN

CHANGE: I AM HAPPY EVEN THOUGH

Tangle: I Will Be Happy When

Change: I'm Happy Even Though

If you had a magic wand and you could ask for 3 wishes, what would you wish for?

You have 10 seconds to say them aloud.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 ¡Time!

Even though the phrase sounds like a story, it is interesting to note that when we ask this question to the participants of our seminar, hardly ever can somebody define more than one wish. Some of them openly affirm that they do not know what they want. Some others murmur something like: "I want to be happy". And they say it very quietly.

They have spent their lives looking for happiness, and on the road they have found only sorrows. They look outside themselves: waiting to be grownups in order to be happy, when school is over, when they get married (for some when they get divorced), when their partner changes and makes them happy. They wait to win the lottery, so they can be debt free. They wait for their children to grow up, so they have time to travel. Then and only then they will have all they have been waiting for; then they think they will be happy.

People connect their happiness to WHEN.

What about a new idea: what about starting by making the changes in your mind?

Instead of waiting to be happy WHEN, be happy EVEN THOUGH.

Because being happy is an inner decision, it does not depend on circumstances.

To be able to declare: "Even though I do not have the car of my dreams, I decide to be happy". "Even though I have a headache, I decide to be happy". "Even though a loved one just died, I have decided to be happy".

If we say that, the workshop participants' eyes open wide, and we almost can read their faces: "If it were so easy." "They do not know my story". "MY LIFE HAS BEEN SO DIFFICULT". "It is easy for them to say that, but if they knew my story ...!"

It is true that the life stories are diverse; the events can change. However, the emotions are the same: guilt, shame, sadness, depression, pessimism, envy, jealousy, boredom, anger, resentment. An accumulation of negative emotions tends to be limiting, and in general they distort the perception and interpretation of the facts. It also discourages people from reaching their goals, prompting them to inactivity, passivity, and in many cases to aggressiveness.

The important thing is that when people can define at least one wish–which can be obtained with the mental magic wand-, and decide to work on themselves, a great number of people mention an emotion, this time positive such as happiness, satisfaction, hope, plenitude, good humor, optimism, tranquility and peace as part of what they want to get for their lives.

"I want to be happy", they say with a quiet voice. They look at what others say, because they feel that they have failed and that they are the only ones that feel that way. When they realize that they are not alone, that everybody else in the group feels the same, they give a sigh of relief. Then some of them say smiling: "Well, it seems like we all want the same, but we do not know how to get it."

What they don't realize is that they have already started to find the way. You are doing the same by reading this book. You are beginning to move forward instead of remaining stuck.

The next expression is heard frequently during the seminars, the only difference is the person's name or sex. It can come out of a mouth of a woman or a man: "Life is soooo difficult." They lengthen the word "so" to make it more emphatic.

"Who said it was difficult?" We ask.

Then they start to tell all the stories that they heard, the phrases that somebody else mentioned over and over again, part of the legacy from their parents, family members, friends, teachers, etc. The most interesting thing is that they take it as truth, because "everybody" said so.

Instead of labeling life according to "How you have done so far?" according to your own experiences, and the ones that were given to you for generations, add this new idea to your mind:

LIFE IS ...

Everyone needs to finish the sentence. Life can be as beautiful as you want to see it, or as tragic as you decide, depending on individual perception and interpretation. The marvelous Celia Cruz used to sing with all her heart that "Anyone who thinks life is cruel, needs to know that it is not true, there are only bad moments, and everything passes. Life is a carnival to laugh and enjoy".

Life is a game with no instructions; and if it had them, most likely we wouldn't read or practice them anyway.

This brings up another phrase made popular by a communicator: "The media is not good or bad; it depends on the use that it will be given". We could paraphrase Marshall McLuhan and affirm that LIFE IS NOT GOOD OR BAD, IT DEPENDS ON HOW WE USE IT.

If we talk about the use, the simplest way is to look at results. If you are...